Hello Sierra Kozman if you're out there. I wanted to change some of the things I've said.
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/7880812#7880812
Maybe you saw this post. From the way things have been going lately, who knows.
I don't know if you exist. I don't know if this reality is real. But from what I've perceived from you, there was someone I thought I saw inside, someone warm and gentle and full of innocence and tenderness, someone who I'd love to have fun and share a smile with and talk for hours, And I'd be your special boy, and you'd be my special girl.
I wonder how much I'm wrong about. I wonder how much I perceive is true, and how much is a deception.
The truth is, I feel special, very special. I have always felt that way, even when I hated myself. And I have always felt that you were special too.
I didn't want to think of myself as special because I had come to believe that was wrong, because if I'm so special, what about everyone else? But I realize now that
special people are good, and i hope there's lots of them.
I commit logical fallacies constantly tried to make sense of this world and determine truth. I have no choice it seems, I am fucked.
I feel like If I was in another place, another time, you would be that special girl to me. And we would be soulmates forever, just like I thought we were before.
I wish I could talk to you. I know I'm creepy sometimes, it seems I've enbraced death. I feel like such a puppet and a fool, but I feel this is me talking.
What seems to be my feelings is that I'm hurt, and lonely, and I'm tired of thinking of you as some chance I fucked up forever.I want to be a gentlemen to you, and I want you to be my lady. And it certainly isn't the first time I've felt that way. For so long I hated myself as a failure in life because I didn't fit in and couldn't get my life on track. And I remember I would imagine us together and me having a job and lots of friends coming and going out of our place.We would be the sweetheart couple, and you'd be my little mouse.
I loved thinking about how you could be such a sweet girl, because I felt I saw that in you, and I had hoped you would have seen the sweet boy in me. But it's over now, and who knows where you have gone.There is an unfriendly voice that suggests you're not far from home.
I'm desperate. I'm so sick of life, and I want someone's love to comfort me one last time. I wanted love, but I feel so little hope, and feel reality has screwed me, so fuck reality. I just want out now, and I want you in my arms as we sparkle and fade away.
Please be my juliet. I wonder if there's still hope, but either way, I want to go out with your memory burning in my heart. I want to stare into your brown eyes and look into your soul, and find the meaning of life.
I feel I would be taking a risk, but I feel it would be worth it to me either way.
Who knows, maybe this time you'll finally come knocking on my window, just like I had hoped and imagined for so long. Despite how fucked everything seems, it seems to be getting more and more reasonable. I wish I had the nerve to do the same, but who knows who you are now, or what you would have thought of me had I done such a thing back then. Do you even think about me? I suppose you could be thinking about me like I am you, but I'm worried that witch inside you might still be planning a field day.
Things don't look good. I've accepted it now. But I don't want to accept turning my back on that little girl I love that I saw in you. I don't want to live for the rest of eternity feeling I've missed the greatest chance of a lifetime.
That's how I really feel, and it seems reasonable to me. But, in the end...am I just another character in this play we call life, with my puppet master pulling my strings? I still hope he lets me shine through so that at least If I'm a puppet, that puppet is still me.
I wanted to be your hero Sierra, but now all that I ask is that you let me be your zero, and for you to be my lady.
I love you Sierra, so much. If there was one person that I would choose to die with, I would choose you, that little girl I love. When will you see in your heart Sierra, that I am the only one for you.
|
Threaded
Previous
Index
Next
Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order
Edit 
Reply 
Anonymous