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Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)...
    #7192482 -

Papaver's Fruit-fly Eradication Project:

Okay, so I'm not really a big one for randomly killing god's little creatures, but sometimes they can get uppity and need to be put in their place.

I have noticed over the past week, that there have been more and more fruit-flies in my humble little abode. This has been a particular problem because for the past several months I've been weaning off of my quart-a-day scotch habit by drinking red wine, and these little fruit-flies like to take a swim in my glass of wine. I mean I'll set the wine glass down, and then pick it up a few minutes later and find a pool party in there -- the little fruit-flies are all drunk, and doing the back-stroke, and spitting wine up out of their little probosci like little fountains on the Isle of Capri...

At first, I thought, it was because I was dog-sitting and was leaving the back door open, but I got done with the dog-sitting and the fruit-fly population kept growing. So, I go back into the laundry room, and they'd be perched up on the cabinets and walls giving me the evil-eye -- like a bunch of demented vampire bats getting ready to strike -- it was positively creepy. So, last night I took up arms against the vicious horde (which I have started to call "Legion" because they were many, and frankly, the whole thing was getting a little biblical) and by opposing, end them, and otherwise smite them.

It was a glorious battle, but I eventually had to retreat and save my own skin, defeated like a whipped dog. You see, I quite accidentally discovered their lair, their nest -- it was a six-month-old rotten sack of potatoes which I had forgotten about, and which had turned into a sort of black mass of gelatinous goo, which was spawning thousands of these evil little fuckers.

So this morning, I went to the hardware store and began stockpiling chemical weapons, and a few hours ago I unleashed WMDs in the "mother of all battles." I hung up little poison traps, and I began to madly spay highly-toxic insecticide all over a small enclosed room in a highly frenetic state; spraying first one airborne group, and then quickly spinning around to get another solo fly sneaking up on me from behind -- there was sticky pesticide everywhere; including all over me...

I don't feel so good right now, and I'm a little shaky from peripheral nervous system toxicity, but at least, I think, I have emerged triumphant, if not a little worse for wear, and I am now going to enjoy a nice glass of victory wine like a tiny Napoleon, and savor my victory over a bunch of tiny winged half-wits whose only strength was their sheer number, distributed processing power, and accelerated birthrate...


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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7192490 -

:lol:

maybe it wouldve been a little easier if you just poured them their own glass of wine! that's probably all they wanted.


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Not all who wander are lost - J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: nightkrawler]
    #7192503 -

Good idea, but tried that. It didn't work. There were just too many of them -- it was like college kids at a kegger...

You should have been around last year, when I tried to solve my mosquito problem with a shotgun...


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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7192546 -

haha damn punks, tryin to take your share of booze.

i heard mosquitos are immune to shotgun shells, i bet chemical warfare was the best way to go with that problem


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Not all who wander are lost - J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7192620 -

so has their lair been properly eradicated (read: moved on to that great dumpster in the sky) or is it simply thouroughly fumigated, and left standing so that mutaded fruit fly offspring that descent from aforementioned battle (and therefor: have built up a natural resistance for your chemical warefare) will go on to breed a whole new generation of mutated little super flys

cause that might be kinda cool actually  :smirk:


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Muppet]
    #7192668 -

Update: I am victorious!

I whipped their ass Pol Pot-style; my laundry room is like a visit to the insect zoo, if it was ran by the Khmer Rouge; it's like the killing fields for fruit-flies in there... I might even wire up little propaganda speakers...

I got my kitchen back, and when I hear the crunch of their thousands of tiny broken-bodies beneath my feet, I feel like a God! Hell, I am a God! I am Aries the God of War; I want to eat some raw mutton and fuck some women! :captain:

I feel so alive at this moment! Thank god for Monsanto Chemical!

Monsanto Chemical -- A little biotoxic warfare can embiggen even the smallest of souls!™ :laugh:

PS: The rotten sack of potatoes was moved out to the back yard last night, under the cover of darkness, and buried, along with the carcass of a three-headed goat, at the foot of an old oak tree while a wounded dog howled...

PPS: My hands have stopped shaking as well, so it looks like I'm going to survive...


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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7192675 -

well then you know what that means know dontchu  :cheers:


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Muppet]
    #7192693 -

I'm thinking I may even join in on this glass to be perfectly honest with you  :yesnod:



I *was* gonna wait until on my way out the door...but the jones is strong this morning


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Muppet]
    #7192703 -

haha i opened this thread expecting something totally different..

thanks for the laugh man...and congrats on the victory


im fucked up right now, and i dedicate my buzz to your triumph!!


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What Would Dexter Do?

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Muppet]
    #7192707 -

"It's never too early to start drinking."

--Thomas Aquinas & The Artful Dodger


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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7192715 -

hey hey...I'll drink to that  :cheers:


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7194274 -

I feel I should apologize for that last post ("I am victorious!"). I was giddy with homicidal rage and drunk on my own power. I now feel a crushing feeling of guilt and remorse over the lost lives of those poor defenseless fruit-flies. They had such a look of shock and horror on their tiny little faces...

Perhaps my exposure to the highly-toxic insecticide has made me manic-depressive...

Regardless, I carried out several hundred separate burial ceremonies. I made the crosses out of broken toothpicks, and now there is a small insect cemetery in my back yard...

I think I am going to check into a Zen Monastery for several years, until I work things out... Find balance...


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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7194295 -

You have to completely eradicate those little pricks. They have a new litter of babies every damn day.

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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7194305 -

OMG!!!

I'm going to be doing this every day for the rest of my life! :shocked:

Nature is a cruel mistress...


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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Papaver]
    #7194437 -

What about those candles, Pap? Don't they make anti-insect candles that keep fruit flies away?








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Mp3 of the month: ESB - Mushroom People


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Re: Man vs. Nature (Part Deux)... [Re: Learyfan]
    #7194471 -

Good idea, but I was thinking that is might be easier to simply move out into the back yard, setup camp, and give up the house to the insects -- on the condition that they pay half the utilities...


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