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I'm disappointed in myself.
    #6254974 -

This could go under my "fucked up at work" thread, but this one needs its own.


Yesterday at work I decided it would make the day calmer if I popped 2 Xanax. I got through most of the day fine, even came in early. By 10 I was getting a little weird. As I was wrapping broccoli on the wrapping machine, I swear I just...zoned out. I snapped back again a couple seconds later but I just drifted! Everybody at work asked me if I was alright that day, they said I didn't look right. I felt fine, I didn't feel that fucked up or anything.

Then my boss comes up to me and says, "You're not yourself today, are you OK?"

I gave him a confused look and said, "What do you mean? I'm alright"

"I asked you to fill the salad case and now your back here wrapping broccoli again."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just have a lot on my mind today, my mind's wandering."

"I think you should take the rest of the day off"

"I don't think that's necessary, like I said, I'm fine I'm just thinking about some things"


Anyway, I just ended up leaving.


Does Xanax fuck you up on the outside and leave you cool inside? I mean I felt fine. I was a little zoned out but I've been in there blazed as fuck and still maintained complete composure. Bottom line, I feel like an asshole and I'm really ashamed I let it interfere with work. I'm all for going to work high but this time I guess I couldn't control it. I'm going to somehow try to make it up to my boss tomorrow at work.

Lesson learned. "Working on Xanax" is an oxymoron.

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6255000 -

Did your boss know that you were fucked up?
Thats happened to me, pretty uncomfortable.


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All I know is something like a bird within her sang

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6255002 -

going to work on drugs is for scum bags

not a personal attack, but... be a little more responsible.


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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: purplegreens]
    #6255024 -

No, I told him a lot was on my mind and I wasn't feeling myself.  I told him I'd have no problem finishing the day.  He probably thought something was up though,  I even called him when I got home later and asked for a more detailed explanation.  I dunno, I'm embarrassed.  I see no problem going to work on drugs that enhance mood but this one just went overboard  :doh:

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6255072 -

I think Xanax DOES make you act differently, even when you are aware that its not.

For instance, my mom has been on Xanax for random stuff. She used to take it a lot and drink, not knowing it was bad. She was loopy as hell. Luckily she finally figured out it wasn't the best thing to do.

Of course she gave me some for airplanes... its a god send for me to fly. I hate flying, but, with xanax Im perfect. But, everyone that I traveling with can tell im fucked up, even if I take only 2 little white pills. I try to act normal, and feel normal, but, obviously your not.

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #6255142 -

Fuck, I did SOOoo much blow at work toady... I was tweaking all over the place, I even accidentally stabbed a pregnant lady in her womb! haha, I'm sure a couple dozen stitches can fix that. Tomorrow I'm trying PCP  :laugh:

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Disco Cat]
    #6255171 -

Did you eat the fetus?


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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6255189 -

The wildest shit ive ever done has been on xanax. I imagine that if I got tested for aids, and had it, itd be from some absurd xanax night

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #6255193 -

mmmmm, Right after the placenta!    :meatspace:



Where's the placenta eating smiley?

Edited by Disco Cat (11/06/06 10:16 PM)

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6255280 -

Yeah man, I find that myself, as well as many other people, are acting way more fucked up than we realize. You may just feel good and relaxed, but you're talking extremely quietly & mad slow. You'll also walk really slow, stumble...basically do everything all slowed down. Also, as you discovered, you zone out. IME I'm a lot more fucked up than I think when I'm on a benzo, and watching people on benzos really drives this home. They think their fine when they look like they're going to drop unconscious at any moment, and often do.


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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Disco Cat]
    #6255338 -

Acting very peculiar when you think you are acting quite normal? Yup, that will happen easier with a benzo than any other commonly used drug. Benzo's are very dangerous, but do'nt let this fact dissuade you from using them if you feel that they are beneficial to you. Personally, I hate 'em.
I thought I was just fine and dandy once too(klonapins) when I got behind the wheel of a car to drive out of the neighborhood. Started the car, turned the wheel to drive away and...... oops I forgot to turn the wheel back to straighten out and hit the opposing curb, blowin' a tire(which I then proceeded to change in the middle of the road). Ha, funny at the time, but the consequences could have been far more dire. Lorazepam also played a huge part in the downfall of my grandmother's life. Again, I'm not preaching, just relating.


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Edited by lavod (11/06/06 10:48 PM)

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6255422 -

You don't go to work on benzos. Adderall, Ritalin, Dexedrine and all the uppers are more than fine, and you'll probably work your ass off like never before at work, but going there on downers is just asking for trouble.


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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #6255457 -

HELLA_TIGHT said:
going to work on drugs is for scum bags

not a personal attack, but... be a little more responsible.


:thumbup:

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #6255478 -

So... you're mad that I killed and ate the unborn child?  :frown: :sad:

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #6255498 -

Corporal Kielbasa said:
HELLA_TIGHT said:
going to work on drugs is for scum bags

not a personal attack, but... be a little more responsible.


:thumbup:


I agree.  I didn't research enough about them, and while they're fun recreation at home or a party, they don't make work work.  Almost any other drug ingested makes work fun, and I enjoy coming in and doing all of duties.  This one got mean though and put me in a very uncomfortable position.  I'm definitely apoligizing to my boss tomorrow when I'm in and I'm even going to offer to stay later or something.  I really feel like shit for doing this.

I do suffer anxiety attacks though, so I bet if I took just one instead of 2 i would have had a more pleasant day.  Thanks for everyone's feedback though :heart:

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6265643 -

Well he talked to me today, actually I pulled him aside and thanked him for covering my ass, told him I appreciated it and told him straight up I was fucked up from Xanax... Apparently he was quite the partier in college (a coworker and friend of his said) so I was honest with him about it and he started telling me how funny I was acting and how he was actually laughing at me.  Oh man, I didn't realize how out of it I was until I heard the account from their side :lol:  I'm so glad he's a cool boss...he totally covered my ass.

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Re: I'm disappointed in myself. [Re: Newbie]
    #6265724 -

sounds like a cool dude, definitely.
just dont take advantage of this
and start showing up at work
all fucked up. but it doesnt sound like
you'd do that.

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