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Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup
    #25824218 -

I’ve been with my gf on and off for 4 1/2 years. We’ve had plenty of great times together as well as bad times. We’ve been sharing a space for three years now. Her daughter has always been a big part of her life which I accept for the most part. I use to have lots of fun with them in the beginning of our relationship.

Now she wants her daughter to live with us for a whole school year. I’ve come to realize I’m not a kid person. Our lease is up in May and I’m debating on going my own way. I talked to her about this yesterday and of coarse she was upset.

I’m not sure what to do from here though. Where would I go, who would I room with, am I doing the right thing? These are all thoughts running through my head. Please.. if anyone has some advice be nice about it. I’d really appreciate some views on this matter.


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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25824269 -

If you have to ask then you're probably doing something wrong.

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25824341 -

It's pretty obvious she was thinking you two had something that you don't. It's pretty straightforward: you either want her and are willing to tolerate and help nurture her kid or you don't. Just don't leave her hanging and don't make it worse for her and don't ever even insinuate in the presence of the daughter that you bolted because of the daughter. That would be a totally dick-head move.


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How can you be in two places at once, when you're not anywhere at all?

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadValley]
    #25824435 -

We still have something, and I still love her. I just struggle with sharing her I guess. If that makes me a dick head than I guess I’m somewhat of a dick head. I always warm up to her daughter after a while though, so it’s not always like that. I am accepting of her daughter. I just often wonder what it would be like being single again.

Still have mixed feelings about everything. It’s perfectly normal to have doubts.


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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25824443 -

My step dad still talks shit about drunks and not realizing he has a lot in common with them.  He holds a grudge that badly.

My Dad was a drunk.  My step dad's dad was a drunk.  They were all military vets.  Grandpa's Dad was a drunk and didn't serve in the military but there was some moonshiners in the family.

Give it space and let the emotions mellow out.  It doesn't sound like it was meant to be.  It'd probably hurt thinking about the kid more than the mom.

Doesn't sound like she's got it all figured out.  She's probably looking for stability and with a rough past....that isn't going to happen so easily.

None of us need people coming in and out of our life upsetting the balance we TRY to have just with our self.  Ladies that get hyper about sex are a big problem.  Men that are hyper about sex are trying to show love.  Woman use sex as a tactic...some men do to and it's a problem.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Morel Guy]
    #25824460 -

It's just really hard to regain respect.  It seems when people are apart and 'free', someone loses respect.

It's tragic.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25824724 -

That's all good. Just remember to keep the kid out of the argument. If you're wondering what it would be like to be single again just remember back to where you were before you hooked up with your gf.

As far as dick heads go. I have always lived my life on the foundation that all guys are dick heads and I am their king. Don't sweat it, but try not to let it all out at once.


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How can you be in two places at once, when you're not anywhere at all?

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadValley]
    #25825514 -

Morel Guy said:
My step dad still talks shit about drunks and not realizing he has a lot in common with them.  He holds a grudge that badly.

My Dad was a drunk.  My step dad's dad was a drunk.  They were all military vets.  Grandpa's Dad was a drunk and didn't serve in the military but there was some moonshiners in the family.

Give it space and let the emotions mellow out.  It doesn't sound like it was meant to be.  It'd probably hurt thinking about the kid more than the mom.

Doesn't sound like she's got it all figured out.  She's probably looking for stability and with a rough past....that isn't going to happen so easily.

None of us need people coming in and out of our life upsetting the balance we TRY to have just with our self.  Ladies that get hyper about sex are a big problem.  Men that are hyper about sex are trying to show love.  Woman use sex as a tactic...some men do to and it's a problem.


My dad was a drunk too. He’s been sober for over 25 years now though. I’ve been kinda picking up the habit lately after me quitting Kratom. Sometimes I just want to feel numb to everything. Think that may be part of my issue. I don’t let a lot of people in. I’d rather be closed off, which isn’t always healthy.

I’ll definitely give it space and really think about it all. I was thinking about it at work today. I really think I’m kinda like a child myself sometimes. My gf does a lot of the cooking and cleaning for me. I help out though, driving, money, food, etc... she has her own job too, which is nice.

We get along great for the most part. She can just be really insecure sometimes. Like if I love a post with another woman in it she’ll get upset. I don’t blame her though, jealousy is another natural human emotion. I just don’t like feeling constrained like that sometimes.

Sex is something we use to do all the time, now not as much. When we do though it’s special and amazing for the most part. Sometimes I fantasize about other women though, which is also natural..

MadValley said:
That's all good. Just remember to keep the kid out of the argument. If you're wondering what it would be like to be single again just remember back to where you were before you hooked up with your gf.

As far as dick heads go. I have always lived my life on the foundation that all guys are dick heads and I am their king. Don't sweat it, but try not to let it all out at once.


We don’t argue around her kid. She’s with us now until Sunday, then she will go back to her dads. I just really need to learn acceptance, give them their time, and do my best to be a part of it. I just get annoyed sometimes when kids complain or are loud. They always want to do things they aren’t suppose to..

Guess I just need to realize I was once a kid too. I just have a hard time bonding with children... There may be some inner child work I need to do.


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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25826892 -

Just tried to :pm: you mang but cant:shrug:


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"great things may come to those who wait, but only what's left by those who hustle"

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Bumholio]
    #25827244 -

That’s strange.. wonder what’s up. Maybe I blocked PM’s on accident?


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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25827469 -

Have you guys talked about whether she wants more kids (or you, you said you realized you weren't a kid person but may be different having your own). That's all about the sharing.


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We're all mentally ill. We're all delusional. We're all junkies. It's just a matter of degree
(the Venerable Robina Curtin)

Anything I say here is a fiction, for role play or research only. Full of bollocks I am. I wouldn't believe me.

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Acuriousmycologist]
    #25827661 -

When we were on L I really wanted to have a baby with her. When we made love it felt like we were creating together and that instinct kicked in. I’m kinda on the fence about it. My dad met my mom who had a baby at the time (my sister) then she had me a year apart. Crazy how that happened. Maybe I’m just afraid to follow in my dads footsteps. It’s not always a easy trail.


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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Acuriousmycologist]
    #25827673 -

I don't have much to add, but I was in a similar situation 2 years ago, my chick had a son and I tried my best to be okay with her having a kid but honestly, I don't want a kid and I just couldn't do it. She was amazing and we got along really well but the times she had her kid around I realized I was never cut out to be a father or a caretaker of a kid. We were together for just over a year, I tried to convince myself that I could do it because I had never met anyone I clicked so well with but every time she had her kid over we were so limited on what we could do I realized our lifestyles would never mesh in the end.

After that I realized I just can't date a woman with a child, it's an absolute deal breaker for me.

I guess you have to ask yourself, "Do I want to slow my life down and be a father/caretaker?" It's a whole different lifestyle having a kid around 100% of the time.

Do you want kids?

Good luck friend, this shit is never easy and I learned the hard way it wasn't for me.

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Uzziel]
    #25827906 -

I honestly don’t and it eats me up inside... my gf had two abortions since we started out relationship. The first one her choice, and the second time I wasn’t ready. She’s been on BC for three years now though.

Idk though... I seriously love her, but I don’t think I can handle being around a child 100% of the time. It’s nothing against her daughter directly, just any child I think. I feel kinda like a bad guy, but maybe I just need to accept that I’ll never mesh well with kids. I can handle them in small doses, just not full time. Kinda like yourself.. I just feel limited.


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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25828018 -

I think in my wise old age,  a relationship should be able to go without sex.  Nobody getting mad, nobody getting cheated on.  Just people being their self.

Girls will know who's cute.  But a person that cheats knows it was not thought out most of the time.  I just couldn't trust a kid with a situation that can change.  So that's why marriage is sacred.  Even though people ruin those as well.

Things just don't go perfectly in anyones life.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Morel Guy]
    #25828228 -

I understand completely. I wouldn’t trust myself having a child if I didn’t think the relationship would work out in the end. A lot of great things can come of it, but it’s playing with fire IMO.

I almost feel the world is over populated enough as it is. It dumbfounds me how some Mormons can have 8+ kids in their lifetime. I could understand if you have a farm or something, but Jesus Christ!! wtf...

One of my friends was saying, “don’t be another mindless breeder”. Which really stood out to me.

I can’t say I would have never wished to have been born. If my parents didn’t have me, I wouldn’t be here... at least the here, that is currently here righ now. I may have been reincarnated somewhere else. Some days I wish I were... but often times I know I’m exactly where I need to be.

Learning is hard.. I’m ready to throw in the towel some days. Today I walked out of work because I feel depleted as fuck, my body is sore, my mind is discombobulated, and my spirit.. well I’m not sure.

Think it’s time for a solo trip finally!.. to really figure ‘MY’ shit out.

Just took a couple shots of Irish whiskey.. label me a bad fish. IDC!!!

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25829347 -

Two shots is plenty.  I got into a lot of fights with my self image on this site from drinking hard stuff and too much of it.

I don't think I can watch another human being suffer from watching me suffer.  I did meet a girl that is very impressive...but I have a horrible past that follows me around and she seems like quite the young woman.

I enjoy thinking fond thoughts of people but that too can get me into trouble.  I see rainbow type kids around sometimes.  The girl I'm talking about doesn't seem like that.

I probably don't know her insecurity.  My mom had a lot of insecurity as well and still does.  So because of things I have not been able to help much.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Morel Guy]
    #25829392 -

You’ve helped plenty man. You’re a good dude despite what others may think. You’ve never once called me any bad names or gave me any bad vibes. If anything you’re one of the good ones.

I feel a lot of women and even men have insecurities. Some just tend to hide it better. Just yesterday I thought my girlfriend started talking to another guy. She wasn’t, it was just my insecurities. Her mom ran away from her dad at the age of 14, had her at the age of 13.

My girlfriend use to run away from me every time things got hard. Now she has no choice but to stick it out because we’ve been living together for the past three years. We talked again last night about splitting up come May. It’s still up for debate, but we actually had a calm heart to heart convo about it which was nice. She understands me and I her.


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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25829411 -

I'm trying to make amends with the republicans on this site.  Both sides have valid and invalid concerns.  It's a big mess it seems!

I know my one experience with abortion hurt.  I had other experiences that I didn't identify with being 'mine' and I'm not man enough to have sex or kids.

I have my own damages I deeply regret.  So feeling well and being safe is a big priority.  I do get pissed off about drugs though.  Like an ex-smoker hates the smell of smoke.  I am too learning to hate the smell of tobacco.  The taste it leaves, the next morning after hangover.  I vape, but that too is empty in the morning.

Talking to people online seems to do some good.  Somehow we communicate.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: Need help on a serious relationship question that may involve a breakup [Re: Morel Guy]
    #25829448 -

I don’t get into politics for that reason. All it seems to do is divide people. I’m on neither side of the fence. If anything I’d like a leader like Buddha or Jesus. A real peace maker would be a nice change to how this country is ran.

Abortion is a tough thing for both man and woman. The first time my girlfriend aborted our baby I seen it on the screen and it had a beating heart and everything. We fought a lot at the time, so she wanted to get a abortion. It wrecked me because seeing/hearing that baby with it’s heart beating made me think she was murdering our child. I begged her not to over the phone, but it was ultimately her choice.

I resented her for a good long time. Now I’m pretty grateful it happened because my life would be so much harder with a child in the picture.

I still smoke cigarettes myself. You use to do heavy drugs Morel Guy? I did meth for a couple years on and off in my late teens. I’d never touch that crap again after seeing what it does to people. I was also into oxy not to long ago, but thankfully the guy I was getting it from switched to weed for pain.

Talking online definitely does help. Thanks for being a good listener and sharing your views. I hope this new gal of yours turns into something great.


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