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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Fuck yourself. (Blowing off steam)
    #25727895 -

fucking liar.
who the fuck would just casually entertain a conversation about having children
who the fuck would say the meaningful things you said to me and then flip like a switch and say "Well I felt that then and i don't feel it now"

DOES THE FEELING OF WANTING TO PLAN A FUTURE WITH SOMEONE SWITCH THAT EASILY?
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT YOU WENT AND FUCKED SOMEONE ELSE. AND YOU SAY IT'S NOT A SEX THING
fuck you. Fuck your borderline personality disordr. Fuck you for holding your childhood trauma up as a shield that makes you somehow blameless for being a shitty fucking liar and abusing my love and trust like that.
Fuck you for comparing your shitty childhood to the pain of my ex dying unexpectedly at 25.
And fuck you for being the best sex, love and support i've ever had in my life.
Somehow YOU'RE MY therapist when i've held you when you've cried countless times? taken care of you when you're sick? Taken care of your fucking cat? I'm taking care of your fucking cat right fucking now.
Fuck you. I hope your misery catches up to you, except I know it already has and you somehow equate suffering to be the meaning of life. You're fucking good at that.

And the most pathetic thing is if you said you wanted to get back together, if you said you missed me, if you said you wanted me back
I'd come running
becausei 'm still in love with you
fuck you.

Thanks shroomery for being my therapist journal.

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Re: Fuck yourself. (Blowing off steam) [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25727912 -

Borderline.  Hard to tell when they just want the gutter cause it seems like always.

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Re: Fuck yourself. (Blowing off steam) [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25728610 -

All is caprice. They love without measure those whom they will soon hate without reason.
--Thomas Sydenham, on 'hystericks' (as BPD was known in the seventeenth century)

IME, and through hearing the stories of others that have been involved with borderlines, they'll take you higher than you've ever been and send you lower than you could ever know you'd ever go.

It'll be a cold day in hell before I sacrifice myself to someone with those kind of issues again.

They're incurable. Read 'I hate you, don't leave me' if you'd like more insight.

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Re: Fuck yourself. (Blowing off steam) [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #25728661 -

Loving a bp is an illusion.  Not ever, is there a more bipolar reality.  It's like loving a dog.  Due to loving our imagination of them cause we don't really know what goes on in their head.  They think loving their fears has power.  Indeed it does and without consistency.  The only constant is the unpredictable.

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Re: Fuck yourself. (Blowing off steam) [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25729186 -

Don't ever go running back to that OP. Love her for what she is, and what she did for you, but please, do it from afar.

She'll drain every last drop of life from you if you give her the chance.

Not because she's a bad person; it's just the way she's wired.

Shit happens. Be careful who you give yourself to.

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Re: Fuck yourself. (Blowing off steam) [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #25731154 -

it just makes me want to be cold and never open up to people. I don't even know how to have meaningless sex though. I'm super see through and loving and i get dependent pretty easily. My partner dying gave me abandonment issues and I Get really codependent and clingy. I know it's unhealthy. It's just how I'M wired right now. But i want to break that and change it..
she did lots of good for me. It's not all hate. She lifted me up when my ex died and helped turn me from a broken man into a functional human again. i'll always be grateful. i'll always love her
but the head games, the 180 degree switches all the time, the literal screaming and throwing things at my head, saying things like "when you fuck me my eyes roll back in my head like an anime girl, that's how good you are" and then literally the next day "You're the most inexperienced lover I have...it's like I have to teach you how to have sex" ...it's just too much. I don't kno wif we can ever be friends again. we hurt ecahother real good.

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Re: Fuck yourself. (Blowing off steam) [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25731567 -

There's a very, very wise man from this community I once lived with for a short time. Wisest man I ever met in fact.

His ex-wife is BPD, as is mine. He hasn't heard a word from his in sixteen years. I haven't heard from mine in three. Nor do I ever expect to again.

I'll always love her, and appreciate what we shared and what she did for me, but it's definitely best this way.

As it would be for you, I suspect, from all you say above.

Take this time/opportunity for YOU.

Sounds like you need it.

Sending love.

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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