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Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to?
    #24591184 -

So last week I was tipsy at a frat party, and I know the guys at this frat pretty well so I can comfortably talk to all of them. The problem is, guys kept saying, "you're gonna rush this year right?" And I was afraid they'd feel rejected, plus I didn't want anyone to try and convince me to rush when I just wanted to enjoy the party so I told them I would. I'm known in the frat for being a lot of fun at parties so they don't mind me coming to their parties, especially during big weeks like the opening week or Halloweekend.

The problem is, I really don't want to rush. For one thing, its a lot of money. I quite literally can't afford it. Its like hundreds of dollars a year. secondly, I know for a fact that they haze. Not hazing like take a few shots with us either, I'm talking like coming back to your apartment with a broken nose or bruises all over your back type hazing. Most of the guys are pretty chill but there are definitely some douchebags in it that are the reason this kind of thing goes on. The third reason is that, while I'm cool with hanging out with frat guys, I don't think I fit into frat culture enough to actually join one.

I'd much rather remain independent, hang out specifically with the guys I like sometimes, and maybe go to one of their parties every now and then. I'm worried though that if I don't rush, that some of them will get pissed that I told them I was going to, and didn't. So I have two things I'm thinking about doing. One is not rushing and next time I see one of them just coming up with some kind of excuse for why I didn't. Its possible that they were all drunk enough that they won't remember me telling them I was going to, but since I'm well known there I kind of doubt it. The second option is that I go ahead and rush and hope that I don't get a bid. Its a top tier frat that requires you to have 100% of the vote in order to get a bid. They're a very jockish frat and almost all of them are very well muscular whereas I am not. So I imagine there'll be someone who objects. If I do get the bid though, I'd be placed in an incredibly awkward situation where I'd have to straight up refuse to join.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #24591627 -

don't do it. they will make you masturbate in a coffin in front of them while you recite all your sexual encounters, then make you have sex with a child so they can blackmail you for life, once they put you into to a high powered career to advance the fraternity's agenda in the real world

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #24591781 -

Fuck 'em.


Edited by Anonymous (08/30/17 09:27 PM)

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #24593787 -

Just don't bring it up if they bring it up just say you were fucking around.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #4] * 1
    #24593935 -

Don't even make an excuse for it.  You don't want to pledge, and that's the end of the story.  If they can't wrap their heads around that fact then that's a tough titty for them and you don't need to waste your time trying to help them comprehend the fact.  If they're that stupid and insecure then you're better off without them in your life anyway.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #3] * 1
    #24594808 -

Seriously, fuck those guys.  It doesn't matter whether either one of you is better or worse than the other.  Just fuck 'em.  You don't owe them anything and, if they want to take umbrage at that fact, then fuck 'em.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #24597642 -

Anonymous #2 said:
don't do it. they will make you masturbate in a coffin in front of them while you recite all your sexual encounters, then make you have sex with a child so they can blackmail you for life, once they put you into to a high powered career to advance the fraternity's agenda in the real world


someones been hanging around New Haven too much :wink:

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #24599761 -

honestly the biggest assholes I've ever met in my life went to college or were at college

I have no clue what it is but once people start having sex they go nutso for twenty years

anti-drug people that drink are fucking facist

Edited by Anonymous (09/03/17 03:41 AM)

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #24605447 -

Is rushing the same thing as pledging? Could someone explain rushing plz

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #24606893 -

Just fucking RUSH! But ya idk what it means either.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #4] * 1
    #24606980 -

It's sort of like starring in gay BDSM porn, except that you don't make money.  :shrug:

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #24607482 -

Anonymous #7 said:
Is rushing the same thing as pledging? Could someone explain rushing plz


Rushing is the process where you go to all of a fraternity's social events and get to know the guys and hope they will give you a bid. If they give you a bid to join the fraternity. Then you are "a pledge." Pledging is where potential hazing happens and you're given all kinds of tasks to prove you can stay in the fraternity. If you drop out of pledging you can't get initiated. Pledges are very rarely told that they can't become initiated though, its more of whether you choose to drop out yourself. Initiation is where you've made it through the pledging process and you become a full member of the fraternity. No more hazing after that.

My roommate freshman year joined two fraternities so I know quite a bit about them. The main reason why pledges are very rarely told they can't become initiated is because pledges who have been hazed and then get told they can't join are extremely resentful and often report the fraternity to the university for hazing. If the pledging process doesn't involve hazing then the frat should be in the clear. But its very easy to report something that you probably wouldn't ordinarily think of as hazing. One example would be like a frat member asking you to go get pizza for him. Technically this could count as hazing because the frat member is seen as having a kind of authority over the pledge that makes it difficult for the pledge to refuse his request.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #24607536 -

Anonymous #6 said:
honestly the biggest assholes I've ever met in my life went to college or were at college

I have no clue what it is but once people start having sex they go nutso for twenty years

anti-drug people that drink are fucking facist


I'm sorry that's been your experience, but I just want to point out that statistically, one of the most guaranteed ways to reduce violent or property crime per capita in a city, town, or wherever, is to put a college there. My college is in a college town and college students make up half the town's residents. If they were all removed, the crime rate of the town would literally double. Similarly, Ann Arbor, the city that the University of Michigan resides in, has one of the lowest crime rates in the entire country. Colleges often have very large student bodies, numbering at least in the thousands and often times in the tens of thousands. You can't expect every person at a college with 20,000 people to be a saint. And if someone's an asshole in college, its not like college turned them into an asshole or when they leave, their assholeness is going to be cured somehow. They probably have been an asshole since they were a little kid and always will be an asshole.

Scientifically though, due to college students' very low propensity to commit crimes other than alcohol or drug related violations. This means that on average, there are a lot less assholes in college. People who commit property or violent crimes not only aren't the types to go to college, but couldn't get in anyway if they tried due to their record.

I agree that anti-drug people who drink are really hypocritical. In my experience though, college doesn't have a whole lot of people like that. There's people doing drugs at every party and I had very little trouble finding acid, shrooms, adderall, and molly during my freshman year. Some people have tried DMT and Mescaline as well and are very open about it, I wouldn't say those are all that easy to find though. Ketamine is somewhat hard to come by but I know a guy who sells it. Overall, the place is a huge hotbed of drug use. Sometimes I feel like the party scene is surprisingly similar to how I imagine the Los Angeles Hollywood party scene to be like except with less coke and smaller houses. I'll just be at the bar with some people and out of nowhere they start popping pills and heading out to a party somewhere. Some people I knew in freshman year who came into college uncomfortable with it all got used to it by the end and learned not to judge people for it.

My school is a big party school though so that probably influences things a lot.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24607537 -

Wtf… so glad I lived off campus like an adult.  That shit is like high school.

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #24607560 -

Anonymous #8 said:
Wtf… so glad I lived off campus like an adult.  That shit is like high school.


Almost everybody who's not a freshman lives off campus as well, but they're in student housing where they're still surrounded by college students. I like it this way better though because you get much more of the college experience this way. Its really a lot of fun. You get to live with three best friends and hanging out every day is no trouble because we all live together. We can organize game nights, fuck around, drink, do drugs together, talk about girls. There's parties every weekend, but there's also a huge host of other stuff. For example, renting out a cabin in the middle of the woods and drinking and doing shrooms with like ten other people while blasting music and playing cards against humanity. People say the college experience is not like the movies, but quite honestly, my life feels like a movie and it wouldn't be that way if I wasn't very involved with the social scene here. I'm not in a fraternity either so its not like the college experience is reserved for frat boys.

So bearing all this in mind, I think the romanticizing of college is definitely warranted. In high school, there's too much parental involvement in your life to do something quite like that. I mean don't get me wrong, I did a lot of crazy shit in high school I wasn't supposed to. But that would definitely have been too ballsy for me in high school. And after college, you have too much responsibility and aren't constantly around other people who are interested in stuff like that anymore.

Also, my GPA is close to 3.5 so its not like all I do is fuck around. But I believe you should balance achievement and enjoyment of your life, too much emphasis and focus on one and you'll lose at both.

Edited by Anonymous (09/06/17 12:24 AM)

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24607628 -

yeah even living at home at 18 was a nightmare

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24626892 -



when i think of US fraternities i think of shit like that


im canadian. can someone explain to me why its such a big deal? is there anything at all worthwhile to fraternities/sororities or is it all just kinda in-crowd popular jock BS

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #24626997 -

:thumbdown:
brock turner is not a rapist lol
he fingered some drunk girl behind a dumpster who happened to have a boyfriend somewhere else at the time
and she didn't remember the events
even though he was drunker
if you say anything people call you a 'rape apoligist'
it's as much as alcohol's fault as it is brock turner
you know how girls are when people are around and their pants are on their ankles

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Re: Accidentally promised a frat I was gonna rush but I don't want to? [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #24630686 -

Anonymous #9 said:
when i think of US fraternities i think of shit like that


im canadian. can someone explain to me why its such a big deal? is there anything at all worthwhile to fraternities/sororities or is it all just kinda in-crowd popular jock BS


I don't have a problem with sororities but if I'm gonna be completely honest here, I think the fraternity system is a little toxic. I can honestly say I've never met a sorority girl that I disliked or thought was a bitch or anything. Sorority girls have generally been sweet girls and from what I've seen, sorority girls are just social butterflies and like to party a lot. But with frats, something else is going on there. I'd love to say they're just normal guys joining a club just like any other on campus but from my experience, fraternities are very elitist and arrogant. I'm not saying this is all of them, but way more of them seem to think they're the absolute shit because they joined a greek club instead of a non-greek club. They keep guys at the doors to their parties and act like complete dicks to any guys who want to come in, even when the party they're hosting is literally 70-80% girls (not shitting you with this statistic, frat parties have obscene ratios) they refuse to let any guys in. Then they go around bragging about how many girls they fuck when the only reason they get all this pussy is because they setup the party scene so that they're the houses that most of the girls go to when they want to party.

And then of course there's the whole hazing mess. I think hazing if just another example of some of their out of control egos. We're a frat and we're special so we're going to drop off a freshman with no car at another fucking college and force him to find his way back home even though its an hour long way just to drive (this is an actual story I heard). They seem to act like hazing is what makes them special vs other student organizations when really it is what makes a lot of them douchebags. And if there was a frat guy on this forum they'd probably claim I'm stereotyping. The thing is, I don't want to stereotype, I almost rushed a frat last year because it seemed exciting to me. A huge reason why I don't want to rush anymore though is because I was disturbed by the elitism, and I was also disturbed by the excessive drinking culture in fraternities. There's a lot of peer pressure to drink really excessive amounts of alcohol in frats. One frat party I went to when I was thinking about rushing, had the whole frat passing around bottles of vodka for everyone to take multiple shots out of. Sounds alright so far, but we were later supposed to play a game where we zip-tied ourselves to someone and drank an entire bottle of vodka between the two of us. And we were already supposed to be drunk when we started playing so this results in everybody getting really fucking drunk. I ended up drinking too much that night because I wanted to fit in, puking in the toilet and then blacking out in the multi-purpose room of my dorm.

You may say that you don't really have to do that if you don't want to. But there's definitely a strong sense of, "if you can't keep up with us, you can't join us." So I'm really not the type to jump to conclusions, the reason I think the frat system is kind of toxic is because I can't come to any other conclusion. They're elitist, dangerously conformist, and sometimes even provide shelter to people who are doing fucked up stuff.

Sororities in contrast, really do seem like they're just another student organization on campus. There's no hazing at any of the sororities at my college. The girls generally seem to take care and look out for each other at parties rather than forcing them to drink copious amounts. Some sorority girls are heavy drinkers but its completely their choice and they try to protect each other when they do. Sorority girls don't seem to have the same attitude of superiority that frats do (in contrast to their stereotype). And sororities seem to have much better relations with the rest of campus whereas a lot of frat guys seem straight up hostile to people who are independent. I went to a frat party wearing the letters of my college and he told me "you need to stop wearing [insert college name] shit. Its not frat." One thing I will not stand for is some asshole telling me I can't wear a jacket "because its not frat." So when you include them both, just know that they definitely don't behave the same. Admittedly though I do find it somewhat sickening how groupie-like a lot of girls, not just in sororities but lots of girls who aren't even in one, act towards frat guys. They act like their semen is going to give them divinity or something. My roommate told me that a girl asked him if he was in a frat and when he did, her hand seemed to automatically jerk forward and grab his dick. Its like wtf? The only reason you want to fuck him is because he's in a frat?

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