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Anyone grow up Fatherless
    #23849753 -

My father did something WORSE than leaving. He stuck around still living on the property(yet separately) and earned pennies while taking so much more. Just sitting out there drinking all fucking day. Completely emotionally unavailable.

Thinking that it fucked me up more than I realise. I have a very hard time connecting and trusting males especially "lads". Which means I can only really connect with girls. Yet at the same time I am so fucking awful with trying to actually date women. Couple this with EXTREME self esteem issues and never really having any central role model (mum tried but couldnt really do it) Never of them hugged me. Which has left me and my sister to be REALLY wierd with hugs.

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23850237 -

My father left when I was 7 then periodically visited me on holidays to travel along the coast of Australia.

By the time I finished grade 12 he had moved overseas and begun travelling between Europe, North and South America to complete his entrepreneurial career.

I have a brother I didn't connect well with until I completed my 12th grade.

If you're awful at dating women you probably have to adjust your expectations to be less immediate and more intermediate/patient.

I think it's true that most expectations are pre-meditated resentments.

Figure out what you want first, do you want a serious committed relationship, an open relationship, friends with benefits etc.

If you know what you want then when you meet new people you'll know what to look for that makes you feel comfortable and if you meet someone who's comfortable with you then that's initial attraction done.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: sudly]
    #23850321 -

My father died when I was 11 yo. He protected me too much I'd say from everything (out of love of course), which resulted in me being not very social.
Until this day I don't have much friends, but that might because most people are boring to me.

My wife's father didn't work as well, my mother in law took care of everything, she earned the money and he spent it on gambling. Cheated on her with the next door neighbor. Leaving her with a fifth 1 yo baby.

Hard times they had. She's a rigid person due all she has gone through, so I find it hard to have a sincere conversation with her, she's very cynical.

And it's funny you know. My wife's sisters husbands both have divorced parents.

Probably there's a common denominator that connects all of us husbands to this family's females.

Anyhow, don't forget that each pot has its lid.


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ALL MUSHROOMS ARE EDIBLE, some are just only edible once.

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: ZacksJourney]
    #23850325 -

It'd be a weird coincidence if your last name was long.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: sudly]
    #23850335 -

Well, it consist of 2 names, 10 letters in total, but... why ?


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ALL MUSHROOMS ARE EDIBLE, some are just only edible once.

Trade List

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: ZacksJourney]
    #23850349 -

There's probably a thousand Zacks out there with similar stories to yours.

Just under 8 billion stories running in the world and sometimes they overlap, beating incredible odds.

It's nice when it happens but it is rare.

Though not in your case, my condolences.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: sudly]
    #23851577 -

sudly said:
My father left when I was 7 then periodically visited me on holidays to travel along the coast of Australia.

By the time I finished grade 12 he had moved overseas and begun travelling between Europe, North and South America to complete his entrepreneurial career.

I have a brother I didn't connect well with until I completed my 12th grade.

If you're awful at dating women you probably have to adjust your expectations to be less immediate and more intermediate/patient.

I think it's true that most expectations are pre-meditated resentments.

Figure out what you want first, do you want a serious committed relationship, an open relationship, friends with benefits etc.

If you know what you want then when you meet new people you'll know what to look for that makes you feel comfortable and if you meet someone who's comfortable with you then that's initial attraction done.


I know what I want. Women arnt attracted to me. :frown: 9 years single kinda is patient enough no?

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23851748 -

Then learn to love yourself :shrug:


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: sudly]
    #23851938 -

sudly said:
Then learn to love yourself :shrug:



kinda of a never ending cycle no?

I cant love myself because no one else will.

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23851992 -

No, you can't love someone else because you don't love yourself.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23851997 -

If you loved yourself you wouldn't believe that. You would say it's their loss.

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #23852047 -

If I believe love is selfless care and all else is selfish desire then it's easy for me to love myself and care for others.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23864703 -

Anonymous said:
My father did something WORSE than leaving. He stuck around still living on the property(yet separately) and earned pennies while taking so much more. Just sitting out there drinking all fucking day. Completely emotionally unavailable.

Thinking that it fucked me up more than I realise. I have a very hard time connecting and trusting males especially "lads". Which means I can only really connect with girls. Yet at the same time I am so fucking awful with trying to actually date women. Couple this with EXTREME self esteem issues and never really having any central role model (mum tried but couldnt really do it) Never of them hugged me. Which has left me and my sister to be REALLY wierd with hugs.


Not shocking. You are struggling to see what it is like to be a man with no father figure model and a society that demonizes men and praise gross female behavior. Teacher bangs a hot young girl. Hang him by his balls. A teacher bangs her male student. Pity party for her.

I think you need to connect with strong male role models. Maybe look at big brothers or get on a sports team. Look at Stefan Molyneux on youtube. Find actual models to shift the paradigm you are in to make for a better future. Lots of women are growing up fatherless, mommy is riding the carousel, collecting welfare, and having more children out of wedlock.

Watch Elliot Hulse youtube channel for a strong male role model. In truth, many of them are very hard to find. What is actual masculinity is demonized as is what is portrayed on tv. I was fortunate to have a fsther, a ood man but, I also seen quite a it of the world and female nature. To my surprise, I have been disillusioned with what society says of femininity and actually going out into the dating world and seeing.

Its tricky. I feel for you. There are a lack of good success models for masculinity and fatherhood roles. A lot of males are shown as useless and stupid in society.


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The light of wisdom is driving away the darkness. Look at the ground. Now you can see your own shadow. If you are scared by the shadow that follows you, just remember, wherever shadows fall, light is always nearby.

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: finalexplosion]
    #23867886 -

U got a chip on your shoulder.


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NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: koods]
    #23868504 -

koods said:
U got a chip on your shoulder.


You don't see it? Do you need to be divorced or accused falsely of rape in order for your eyes to be opened?

Its very hostile and my eyes are opened. I predict in the coming decade that the world will have a new appreciate for father figures. The removal of the father in a household through state, divorce or other interventions is one of the greatest tragedies ever for both sons and daughters.

Lower education, poor socio-economic status, high risk of divorce/teen pregnancy/physical & sexual abuse/ and a variety of other issues. It is just so common now a days, people think it is the norm. When having the conversation, mainstream media is quick to demonize men as are a good portion of women today. Calling out grotesque female behavior makes you sexist. It is absolute madness.

I stand by everything I said. Thread Starter, find strong male role models.


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The light of wisdom is driving away the darkness. Look at the ground. Now you can see your own shadow. If you are scared by the shadow that follows you, just remember, wherever shadows fall, light is always nearby.

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23870529 -

I feel a lot the same way you do.
I dont know how to feel about not having people really there for me.
When most everybody is going around having the time of their fucking lives with the rest of they're "people" and just are so happy with them selves and never really chose to be anything but chum fucks.


Only time can heal. Only in time do wounds fade away. Only in time do we greet our concepts. That is the only guarantee, Time. There obviously has to be something that can help you.

Usually physical or mental activities help maintain a different positivity.  For what is mine, may be different for you,

I am sorry about your chances in circumstances of life.
Ill love you, given you might be a poor boy or a rich boy, Ill still love you. Because you are you, And the only you.
<3:mushroom2:

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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: littleton]
    #23870551 -

You've got's to be there for yourself because it's foundational to developing a sense of love for yourself.



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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Anyone grow up Fatherless [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23871639 -

I grew up fatherless, my mom remarried a couple times but those guys weren't good role models, and were more concerned about appearances than trying to be a proper parent.  For instance, if I got in trouble then some institution was going to fix me, rather than people taking an active role in our relationship and trying to work things through with actual parenting.

My brother has stated that the lack of a father figure in his life has left him feeling a bit overwhelmed regarding certain matters, which my mom poked fun at him behind his back acting like that's not a valid way to feel, I don't agree with her doing that at all because he's absolutely correct in feeling that way.  Broken homes often times create broken children, I know that's not always the case, but I have seen it so many times.  I think she does that because it's easier for her to put somebody down, than face issues which she helped create.


I have seen firsthand the difference having a dad makes for a young person growing up.


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©️

Edited by Lucis (11/27/16 10:56 AM)

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