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my mind is very loose
    #19515013 -

I don't have anything mental to hold on to when in doubt, which is always

I don't have very many, if any, positively held beliefs

I grin like a guy who is in on a secret joke whenever other people express their firm belief in something because of all of the potential responses that go through my head that I fail to express

I read fantasy novels and think, "This is a really good representation of how reality works. I belong to the Brown Ajah. Reality just doesn't have Trollocs (anymore??)."

I go to church every Sunday and actively participate in the discussions there and think, "Wow this book is really great", then I read Alan Watts' The Book and think "Wow this book is really great.", even though they don't appear to jive with each other at face value.

I feel like a madman.

My psychiatrist says I'm in the best mental health that I've ever been in.


:suicide:

Edited by morrowasted (02/03/14 09:02 AM)

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19515020 -

And you don't want to feel this way?


--------------------
date ; unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: Dawks]
    #19515071 -

Everything but the church bit reminds me of myself. I don't really understand the fret though, open minded is the best way to be.


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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19515075 -

morrowasted said:
I read fantasy novels and think, "This is a really good representation of how reality works. I belong to the Brown Ajah. Reality just doesn't have Trollocs (anymore??)."


Black Ajah all the way, broham.  :rockon:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: deCypher]
    #19517577 -

deCypher said:
morrowasted said:
I read fantasy novels and think, "This is a really good representation of how reality works. I belong to the Brown Ajah. Reality just doesn't have Trollocs (anymore??)."


Black Ajah all the way, broham.  :rockon:


you crazy, son

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: Dawks]
    #19517580 -

Dawks said:
And you don't want to feel this way?


I just feel like it's not common/normal and it interferes with some of my interactions with people

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517590 -

morrowasted said:
Dawks said:
And you don't want to feel this way?


I just feel like it's not common/normal and it interferes with some of my interactions with people


if it makes you feel any better i am the same way


--------------------
No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind.
[url=
]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]
Are you lost?

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517667 -

Shit man, this post interested me within the first few sentences because I was astonished at how much I relate to it. I've been going through a very similar predicament, I mean, not exactly the same, but overall the same feeling of disconnect and feeling like I have gone insane. I contribute tripping to this, not entirely of course, but it definitely didn't help. Not so much the substance itself, just how much tripping consumed my life. Which leads me further into my insanity, "did tripping do this to me, or would this have been my state of mind regardless?" I over analyze every fucking thing.

I had pretty strong beliefs spiritually a few years ago, but tripping after awhile and just life itself took a toll and the value in everything was gone. I have tons of personal shit going on of course, but I absolutely feel insane. I mean, I find comfort in the fact that if I know I'm crazy, I can't be THAT crazy, but damn, my thoughts loop on and on, and often times it's very difficult to find a reason to wake up in the morning.

You're not alone man, and you're post comforted me a lot, because I know I'm not alone. I hope every day that life gets better than it is, but at the end of the day it's up to me to make things happen. If you need anything, give me a PM bro, I feel for you. :thumbup:

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #19517682 -

Thanks for your reply. I'm glad to know not everyone believes in enough things to label themselves.

Honestly tripping contributed to it but I don't trip anymore. Reading philosophy and linguistics and neuroscience has loosened my grip on what I used to believe was true more than anything. Even when I was taking psychedelics, I believed in all sorts of conspiracy theories. Now I just don't know what to believe at all. The more I learn, the less I know.

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517727 -

Don't let the church thing mess with your mind... Most people are turned off by most of the Jesus talk and some people simply don't believe in God so they feel the church has nothing of value to add to their lives.  I used to go to church and most of it is talking about life and the trials and tribulations we experience, and then showing that there is hope if you choose to see it. 

I feel like people tend to think of religious groups as being close-minded, but I think it takes a certain amount of open-mindedness to really get what's being taught. 

For the record, I don't go to church- but I did sometimes when I was growing up and I know people who go to church.


--------------------
Confucius say: He who sticks drugs in butthole has head up ass. 


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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: MrBlueYoMind]
    #19517736 -

Church is honestly where I meet the deepest thinkers I have ever met. And I have a degree in philosophy.

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517747 -

so is your cornhole.

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517749 -

Same, except tripping and the philosophy and science happened all at the same time for me. I got kind of heavy into Christianity too, which I had the same problem trying to blend all these things together that really aren't meant to be so. One got me into the other, and it just became a whirlwind of insanity. Like my mind is so open, my brains are falling out. I do relate more than you may think, I went through so many phases of beliefs and for the most part they have all in some way disappointed me or lost their substance. I even fail to believe life is meaningless, because that in itself is claiming to know something, I just have no direction of what I'm doing and what the purpose is.

I think about it like this, and it doesn't make things better, but I'm trying to focus more on it. I realize that maybe life isn't meant to be so analyzed, and truth isn't meant to found, because it probably doesn't exist. I am trying to find happiness in the now, because I'm stuck here anyway, and that's all there is to it. When I die, I'm dead, and that's it, I experienced life and it's over. I found for me personally, the more I attempted to "learn" the more disconnected I felt. In general, I just try so hard not to fixate on things like this, but it's very difficult, and I feel so disconnected from society and it's as if everyone is just a character in a stupid game, myself included. The things others enjoy, I often don't, but again, it is what it is, I'll make due and keep going.

Sometimes it's a matter of just needing to vent and be able to express your thoughts to others, it helps a lot. Like you, I really have trouble doing that as well, not so much that I can't speak, but I can't convey in words the things that I think in feel, it always comes out less descriptive than I'd like it to, fortunately on this forum, there are so many people who relate in some way. :thumbup:

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #19517769 -

peace of mind 1 said:
Same, except tripping and the philosophy and science happened all at the same time for me. I got kind of heavy into Christianity too, which I had the same problem trying to blend all these things together that really aren't meant to be so. One got me into the other, and it just became a whirlwind of insanity. Like my mind is so open, my brains are falling out. I do relate more than you may think, I went through so many phases of beliefs and for the most part they have all in some way disappointed me or lost their substance. I even fail to believe life is meaningless, because that in itself is claiming to know something, I just have no direction of what I'm doing and what the purpose is.

I think about it like this, and it doesn't make things better, but I'm trying to focus more on it. I realize that maybe life isn't meant to be so analyzed, and truth isn't meant to found, because it probably doesn't exist. I am trying to find happiness in the now, because I'm stuck here anyway, and that's all there is to it. When I die, I'm dead, and that's it, I experienced life and it's over. I found for me personally, the more I attempted to "learn" the more disconnected I felt. In general, I just try so hard not to fixate on things like this, but it's very difficult, and I feel so disconnected from society and it's as if everyone is just a character in a stupid game, myself included. The things others enjoy, I often don't, but again, it is what it is, I'll make due and keep going.

Sometimes it's a matter of just needing to vent and be able to express your thoughts to others, it helps a lot. Like you, I really have trouble doing that as well, not so much that I can't speak, but I can't convey in words the things that I think in feel, it always comes out less descriptive than I'd like it to, fortunately on this forum, there are so many people who relate in some way. :thumbup:


I typically find myself unintentionally writing in the active tense using "English prime".

Rather than saying "X is Y", I say things like "It seems to me that X exhibits the characteristics commonly attributed to Y"

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: Peace of Mind 1]
    #19517775 -

have you seen the movie maybe logic?  Or read any books by Robert Anton Wilson?

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: sirdonut]
    #19517783 -

sirdonut said:
have you seen the movie maybe logic?  Or read any books by Robert Anton Wilson?


Only Illuminatus!

What do his nonfiction books mostly discuss?

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517785 -

morrowasted said:
deCypher said:
morrowasted said:
I read fantasy novels and think, "This is a really good representation of how reality works. I belong to the Brown Ajah. Reality just doesn't have Trollocs (anymore??)."


Black Ajah all the way, broham.  :rockon:


you crazy, son


I honestly never read the last book in the series (wasn't it partly co-written by someone else since Robert Jordan died halfway through writing it?)  but I always thought the best ending would be where Rand spends 12.5 books struggling to save the world only to end up being stabbed by some nameless Trolloc and dying, leaving the world to the ravages of the Dark One and his Forsaken.  :satansmoking:

morrowasted said:
sirdonut said:
have you seen the movie maybe logic?  Or read any books by Robert Anton Wilson?


Only Illuminatus!

What do his nonfiction books mostly discuss?


Seriously?  Check out Prometheus Rising and Cosmic Trigger to start with.  Haven't read a single bad book RAW's written.


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: deCypher]
    #19517792 -

I'm still in the middle of Book 2 so please no spoilers

Upon reconsideration, I feel that I belong more to a combination of Brown/Green/Blue Ajahs

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517799 -

Quote:
Seriously?  Check out Prometheus Rising and Cosmic Trigger to start with.  Haven't read a single bad book RAW's written.

Thank you.

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Re: my mind is very loose [Re: morrowasted]
    #19517800 -

Actually if I were to non-jokingly pick I'd probably go for White Ajah.  The pursuit of philosophy, truth and logic all the way.  :rockon:

In all reality though I'd probably get corrupted halfway through my studies and end up rediscovering nihilism, realize my quest is pointless, and forsake humanity in favor of the Dark One.  :lol:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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