I don't want to get into specifics, but needless to say, I have been trying for years and years to make this work even though I have had moments of severe mistreatment. In between those more severe moments, she has been unresponsive, unreasonable and selfish to trying to work on "us". For years, we have been like roommates with a severe attachment, with the love of our kids binding us.
I will insist I love her. But if I let my rational mind in, I know it's probably more of attachment then anything. Which is still a powerful emotion, masquerading as love in my opinion.
I have came on here many of times anonymously and right out in the open about things going on in our relationship over the years.
The advice I'm always getting is, "get out. It sounds very unhealthy and it'll be for the best".
Well, on a somewhat mutual basis, we have agreed to split. And I'm completely hurting.
One of my main sources of hurting is the fact we have kids involved. She has a daughter, who is 9 now. And we have a 3 year old son(well, turns 3 this month).
I went out this morning and just aimlessly wandered the city. Stopped at a local cafe, went and had a beer at the pub, walked around the mall...I just don't know how to sit around the house and pretend it's all alright.
I come home around 5pm, because she was planning on going out at 6 for "her time". Fair enough. Well, while I was gone she took the liberty of having the talk with our 9 year old without me, telling her what is happening.
So I come home and as she's leaving says, "yeah I told her ok. Just so you know". She walks out the door and my 9 year old tells me that mommy talked with her.
What a situation to be in...my heart literally started aching. I've dealt with a lot of shitty situations in my life, but oh my god...I just want to crumple up and die almost 
I could not stop a few tears from escaping my eye as I let my 9 year old step daughter vent and ask questions. I told her that most important thing to remember is that we love her and nothing will change that. I mentioned how when mommy and daddy aren't fighting, it makes them better mommy and daddy's. She understood and really engaged me in a conversation about it. She seemed so grown up, so mature talking to me. Meanwhile, I just want to go to the bedroom, curl up and cry. But I know I have to stay strong for the kids, as best I can.
Anyway, she's leaving in the middle of the month.
And I'm trying to learn how to deal with a breakup with children. It 
Any tips and advice to help me through this? I'm a good dad and I love my kids so much, I find it so hard to breathe thinking about not having them in a family unit the way I want to.
Any tips, advice?
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Jokeshopbeard