Rat (I call him Rat) birth name Ribald Skizzlesticks, or Dirkbane Wizzlepiss, one of those2 - his mama was what they used to call a Missisippi mud drifter queen rat, she got found in the sewer brothel downtown, prolly in the ladies room cuz thats always where the mutations take place.
...BIG ole' titties for a rat bitch tho, I shit you not.. 
I tell ya true! we bout got us all the famus on the Ebay one time when I tried sellin her magical turtle island vacation virginity sweet 16 special sexy party over on Chinabay, the ole Ebay them reds used? We wer gun try to scam em, but we couldnt figure out how to send rats thru the mail for good copper or Skynrd LPs.
Trades considered for magical vibration persuasion snakes, prefarably one capable of swallowing a 5 foot 9 inch man whole.
It's for oneh my scientific projections for scool. I seen one them in a movie, now im goin back to grade school to try to get my teacher to help me make one.
Bring to me trades for inspection, includin any uh ur kinfolk u wanna get sold, all we takin right now is ones with a verified vagina, or close nuff. We got a specialist who lives behind the train tracks who can tell us if she cheks out or not. Also u can contact my agent, Bubba Love, convict# 33210209. <He don't have a cell right yet, I guess he's trainin, doin prison stretches to be able to fit one up his Love hole next time he cookin the boys meals>
Anyway, only offers I got were these 3 Chinese men, who seem like ok guys for chinamen, you know...
Well they were really wanten a piece uh her, and I mean bad, they were offerin 2, even 3 rolls of copper for the whole deal. Them boys musta been locked up cuz when I talked on the phone, I couldnt understand a godamn word he said he sounded too excited, sloberring all over. I really want them Skynard LPs, but theys in China, and I havent worked out exactly how to mail live rats to China yet. Everyone I ask bout it says u can only get them one wayed from there to here.
RAT would shame his fat ass rat slut of a mother to the grave if she knew his true charactur as of lates.
His mama may have sinned with the lord by hookerin for the devil, but at least she got out thar and got daddy his moneys!
(She always come back to daddy wit that paper.. gotta pay them bills baby).
I take all this sinful moneys right here, doin stuff like this around town? I give it all up to the church. They cleanse it for me before I can start on my business brokerage deals that I'm tryin to get off the grounds.
I've devised a brilliance plan of intrigue on how to solve the Rat problem. I gonna take Rat and say I got em a job, then take him to Chinatown and sell to highest bidder. Ima tell em all about his famous blood, havin a damn near celebrity as a mama.
I'll feel bad about it, that boys been like a son to me, since Gladiators went off the air. But he just dont got no godamn work ethic. He aint no tru amerucan! He's onathees New Age american MOOCHers with NO work ethic, history or drive to succeed in high quality jobs we got goin on here.
Ive lined up for him like "Chinese restaraunt XX Need rat, will trade for bambam", for example.. He always comes up with some excuse, like someone was tryin to eat him or somethin like that.
Them theres just one many American Dreams just waitin to come true.
But this no-good Rat says he'd rather stay home and fuck his wives, daughters, and in-laws before he dies, like Bob Marley.
I can't believe the young kids these days, watchin too much of that Playboy TV filth pedaler devil worshippin sungod, Hugh Hefner.
I suspect Rat views him as a personal hero of sorts.
These sinners of this new demon seed generation cannot be led to a moral majoruty, Ameruca. Jesus sloves yall! Call us if ya need ride home from the bar. No boys allowed tho. God's rules. Amen. Call Bubba for donation info.
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