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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*



Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich
#14334504 - 04/22/11 05:54 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side.
Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread.
You can only spread the jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich.
You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter. Also, you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn’t bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly.
The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in the jelly facing outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly. If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
The side with peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. When the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else one slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Next, you must take a bite of the sandwich. This action will consist of moving the sandwich within such a close proximity of your face that a small “bite” of the sandwich will enter your mouth for you to mash up with your teeth. This bite must be a bite that includes both slices of bread, peanut butter and jelly. Make sure that all obstructions are clear from the mouth and esophagus, not including peanut butter, jelly or bread or any combination of said ingredients.
If you have followed all previous steps, this goal will be easily accomplished. Not doing so will create an incorrect and inferior dining experience and thus will not be a peanut and butter sandwich that is being eaten. However, if one successfully gets both peanut butter and jelly in one bite that fits in the mouth and does not result in choking, the dining experience is thus far acceptable. For your complete experience with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be considered complete and unobjectionable, you must perform the previously mentioned series of taking bites of the sandwich, chewing them, and swallowing them repeatedly until the entire sandwich has been removed visible existence. These circumstances may only be reached by eating the entire sandwich, and no parts of the sandwich may be thrown away or given to somebody else. This is your sandwich, and your responsibility.
For the Dining experience to be completed, the sandwich must be completely digested. In the context of completing the process of consuming a legitimate peanut butter and jelly sandwich, there are no extenuating circumstances. Actions such as vomiting, surgical removal of the sandwich from the body, or placement of the sandwich inside the lungs opposed to the esophagus will not be taken into account, as they do not result in the complete digestion of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
The process must come to a close via rectal excrement of feces that have been provided by the digestion of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Once the peanut butter and jelly sandwich-fueled feces have exited the rectum, they must remain free from the rectum to be considered conclusive in the process of physically processing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If the feces re-enters the rectum, the process will be rendered a failure, and must be started again.
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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too damn many rules to making a PB&J sammich, I think I'll just stick with bacon
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Dyslexicate
Stranger
Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 181
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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No you're doing it all wrong. You MUST spread the jelly DIRECTLY onto the peanut butter so that you can see it visually that they are mixing together to form one delicious entity.
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Samuel L Jackson
Bad Motherfucker


Registered: 12/10/09
Posts: 8,393
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: Prisoner#1]
#14334521 - 04/22/11 05:57 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Prisoner#1 said: too damn many rules to making a PB&J sammich, I think I'll just stick with bacon
ever had a peanut butter and bacon sandwich? its good.
make sure you have a glass of milk handy though. it dries your mouth out really bad.
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Caine
lab rat



Registered: 01/25/10
Posts: 3,920
Loc: NE
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Quote:
SamuelLJackson said:
Quote:
Prisoner#1 said: too damn many rules to making a PB&J sammich, I think I'll just stick with bacon
ever had a peanut butter and bacon sandwich? its good.
make sure you have a glass of milk handy though. it dries your mouth out really bad.
Sounds awesome  Also I had a great sandwich from some weird food thread on here that was peanut butter, banana, and cheddar cheese.
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BargainBab
Hey Dere Ho Dere



Registered: 04/04/11
Posts: 1,178
Loc: Callisto
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: Caine]
#14334552 - 04/22/11 06:03 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Step 1. Make sandwich
-------------------- Oh wow, GOOD Nyborg!
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Quote:
SamuelLJackson said:
Quote:
Prisoner#1 said: too damn many rules to making a PB&J sammich, I think I'll just stick with bacon
ever had a peanut butter and bacon sandwich? its good.
so is bacon on ice cream, bacon with honey and bacon topped with bacon
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propensity
۞̷ ̶۞̷ ̶



Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 11,056
Loc: Bedrock America
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: Prisoner#1]
#14334582 - 04/22/11 06:11 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟͢ www.cactophage.com ۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟͢ ̸ۨ͜۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟Dolphins of Dank۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆
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wow
Lurking master



Registered: 07/27/06
Posts: 1,260
Loc: Cloud 9
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: propensity]
#14334677 - 04/22/11 06:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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LOL! my rules are super simple SKIPPY CRUNCHY peanut butter... natural or regular dont matter.. natural tastes better tho spread it THICK like 1/2-3/4 inch,and ALL OVER THE BREAD!! i like to spread the jam on only the center part and the peanut butter seals in a pocket of jelly inside and keeps it from pouring out! use COLD jam or jelly it MUST BE COLD!! makes it way better! i use sugar free smuckers strawberry or welches grape in the squeeze bottle.. depending on my mood.. use alot!! heres how its done kids... 
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Samuel L Jackson
Bad Motherfucker


Registered: 12/10/09
Posts: 8,393
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: wow]
#14334683 - 04/22/11 06:39 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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is that pb&j on.... wheat bread...?
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wow
Lurking master



Registered: 07/27/06
Posts: 1,260
Loc: Cloud 9
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FUCK YEA IT IS!! white bread is too.... like... smooth... i like the texture and the flavor of good wheat bread!
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lil_demented
Loner will lone


Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 6,146
Last seen: 1 month, 9 days
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: wow]
#14334714 - 04/22/11 06:47 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I like potato bread for my PB&J.
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evildee125
Here now



Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 3,179
Loc: fl
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: propensity]
#14334747 - 04/22/11 06:53 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
propensity said:

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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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Quote:
SamuelLJackson said: is that pb&j on.... wheat bread...?

Of course white bread is complete shit. It gets super mushy and gross, and has no flavour, and isn't filling at all.
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Moronicus
smokehousebacon.



Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 4,430
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: pwnasaurus]
#14335327 - 04/22/11 08:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
pwnasaurus said:
Quote:
SamuelLJackson said: is that pb&j on.... wheat bread...?

Of course white bread is complete shit. It gets super mushy and gross, and has no flavour, and isn't filling at all.
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BACON RANCH, FUCK YEAH A post about m00nshine Anonymous #6 said: Yes, it is. The shine stands for his job title, which is Shoe Shiner, the moon stands for the time he comes out to be a nigger, which is best suited for the negroid camouflage.
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Big Worm
Perf



Registered: 04/20/09
Posts: 7,642
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: Moronicus]
#14335339 - 04/22/11 08:52 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Fuck Whitey
Bread
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Alabama Slim
Chinese river witch

Registered: 06/29/08
Posts: 7,439
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Way too many words for pb & J. I just ate 2 of them, one with plum jam and the other with grape jelly. I must leave now because if I dont get something to drink I'll die.
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wow
Lurking master



Registered: 07/27/06
Posts: 1,260
Loc: Cloud 9
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: Alabama Slim]
#14339446 - 04/23/11 04:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Alabama Slim said: Way too many words for pb & J. I just ate 2 of them, one with plum jam and the other with grape jelly. I must leave now because if I dont get something to drink I'll die.
mmmmmmmmm plum jam its been a long time since i had some of that.. i might need to grab some next time! and MILK is the best drink for a pb&j mang
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Alabama Slim
Chinese river witch

Registered: 06/29/08
Posts: 7,439
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: wow]
#14339479 - 04/23/11 04:58 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I was thinking of making my first firecracker tonight with some good dank......wonder if I can make a pb & J firecracker with some wheat bread, add butter to to outside of the bread make it kinda like a grilled cheese.
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wow
Lurking master



Registered: 07/27/06
Posts: 1,260
Loc: Cloud 9
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Re: Peanut butter and jelly sandwhich [Re: Alabama Slim]
#14339526 - 04/23/11 05:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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there was a place they visited on food network that deep fried pb&j's!!
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