Anonymous said:

actually, there's a method to my madness... by triggering an emotional response in the OP, i can break down any barrier of inhibition. this allows the OP to face the facts in the cold, as opposed to hiding behind his safety net of excuses. my post was a catalyst.

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Anonymous said:

Sorry to have to ask this.. but you're not trolling, right?

This is a serious issue for you?

What is it that you fear about succeeding?

You say you go for girls you know will flak out... you're saying this is a conscious choice? And how would you chose such girls?

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Anonymous said:

so pretty much you're a ?

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shimishimiman said:

I dunno man, anon 3 makes a decent point.  There is no other logical explanation as to why someone would fear rejection less than not being rejected; as a part of development we take rejection and use it to build up our guard in order to actually get women to see the confidence within one's self and accept a personal invitation rather than reject one.  What the OP is saying is backwards UNLESS his sexual interest is not really with women.

Look OP, when you get a girl to say yes, all you can do from there is what they do in the movies: get close, feel her up, kiss her a little, and hopefully you have made her randy enough to want to go downstairs and give your little man a tug.  Either you are gay or terribly inexperienced and uncomfortable when it comes to females. 

Just know this: when a chick says yes, it is your job to show her that she made the right decision.

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Quote:

I avoid the ones who seem desperate, slightly ugly or obsessed with me and go for the ones that seem stuck up, outta my league and like they wouldnt give me the time of day.

What I fear about succeeding is that Id have to go out of my way to be something Im not and make a good impression.

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Quote:

To sum it all up: *edit* I have performance anxiety because Im not as virile as I once was and am terrified of succeeding and not being the man I used to be. I still want to think of myself as having the prowess I had years ago.

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This, unfortunately, is a snake eating its own tail. At some point you became unconfident and concerned that you could not perform to your potential (something you're probably proud of--hell, I know I am ) 

The anxiety about this, however, comes out when you are in the worst possible moment--the moment where you either prove or disprove your fear. But the bitch is that the fear (if you let it) will then hurt your performance, reinforcing the fear, and making the next time even harder on you. (or not so hard, as the case may be)

It is a perpetuating cycle.

Do you have problems with oral?

I've always liked knowing that I was good at cunnilingus, so that if anything ever happened to impair me (maybe I drink too much, or shoot too fast) then I know I have something in my arsenal that can still get her off pretty hard. When she's trembling in a puddle of her own fluids, barely able to speak, neither of you will be thinking about your temporary setback.

Herbal supplements-- ginkgo biloba, niacin, arginine supplements (often sold as nitric oxide boosters), are a couple natural options, and then, of course, there are meds.

If the problem lies more along other lines--practice makes perfect. I taught myself ejaculatory control and a number of other neat tricks by reading books like The Multi-Orgasmic Man. (I actually read that one when I was just starting, thank god for that. haha)

It also helps to have the kind of partner that is open-minded, understanding, and comfortable with their own sexuality. If you get one of those, she'll be more willing to work through things with you, even if you feel uncomfortable sometimes.

Anyway, hope that helped in some way.

Anonymous said:

Lately I fear not being rejected much more than I fear being rejected. Ive become comfortable with being rejected and very much used to it.
If I get rejected i can say i tried, go home, mope for a bit, rub one off and call it a night. I can then talk to people about that rejection and be a sympathy whore.
If I DONT get rejected its like WTF do I do then? I have to make a good impression now? It freaks me out!

I only go for girls who i KNOW will flake out on me, reject me or just ignore me all together.
If I think a girl is a for sure thing i fear her like the plague.

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