First off, this is a legitimate post. I wish I could say I was trolling, but unfortunately I fucked up big time and am now about to be arrested. Due to the charges I'll be facing (non-violent drug related crime) plus my past record of non-violent drug related crimes, I'll be looking at some disturbing mandatory minimum. Likely 20-30 years, possibly longer.
Should I flee to a different state, stay here and let the events unfold naturally as I get fucked by the corrupted system, or take my own life? Keep in mind I also have a young daughter, which makes the decision that much more difficult. I'd be out of state in a heartbeat if it weren't for her. I need opinions.
Pros and cons to fleeing to a different state:
Pros:
1. For the first time in a decade I will truly be "free", I've been on probation for the past 8 years and have never stepped foot outside my own county line for those 8 years.
2. I'm sure if I look hard enough I can find a job that pays cash under the table so I don't have to worry about any paper trails.
3. I will be able to call my daughter whenever I want with a disposable phone or from various payphones far enough away from where I plan to live.
Cons:
1. Not being able to see my daughter, possibly ever again unless there's a time limit for how long authorities are willing to extradite me.
2. I'd always be paranoid, looking over my shoulder wondering if they are closing in on me.
Pros and cons to staying here and letting life take its course:
Pros:
1. I have a very large inheritance from my parents that I'd gain once I'm out of jail. I'm not even sure money would mean anything to me when I got out though.
2. My family would at least have peace of mind knowing where I'm at at all times, and I'd still get visitations and phone calls.
Cons:
1. Let's face it - MULTIPLE decades rotting in prison for a non-violent drug related crime is nobody's idea of a perfect life. I'd be miserable as fuck in there more than likely. I would probably get used to my new environment after accepting my fate.
2. Not being able to talk with my daughter whenever I wanted, and only being able to see her through some thick glass window.
Pros and cons to taking my own life:
Pros:
1. I've never honestly considered suicide before, but I have enough oxycodone pills at my disposal to ensure a painless death, 100% guaranteed so at least I wouldn't suffer and my family could view my body in the coffin.
2. I will no longer be a burden on my own family. I have put them through hell and back because of my actions. I still partially blame the INSANE and INHUMANE drug laws of my country. Were it not for these laws, I'd not have a single mark on my police record.
Cons:
1. Simply put, I'd leave my family devastated for quite some time. I worry my ex wife would not take care of my daughter as she should (she currently treats her like shit, and she would definitely gain custody of her once I committed the ultimate selfish act).
2. My daughter would grow up always wondering about me and it would likely screw her childhood up substantially.
I don't know what to do. I can't really see myself taking my own life, but all the same I do not want to face prison either. Running seems the best option but I just don't know. I feel so cornered with nowhere to go right now. I need suggestions and opinions.
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