The weirdest thing I've jerked off to was a fan, that's right, a ceiling fan.
I was tripping on shrooms in my bedroom and suddenly got very horny and had the urge to masturbate so I stripped and started walking across my living room naked to the computer where I could look up porn. On the way to the computer I looked up and became mesmerized by the rotating fan blades, they shimmered and melted together as they spun and cut through the air leaving tracers, just looking at them felt amazing so I started rubbing my cock. I stroked faster and faster, my breathing becoming heavy as I stroked in unison to the rotating and quite hum of the blades. With my eyes rolling into the back of my head I let out a loud moan as I reached the climax of my hard work. As I squirted my cum on my wall, with my head tilted back I opened my eyes and I could swear I saw a portal of white light appear in the center of the fan welcoming my gift of semen to the cosmos.
That was my best jerk-off. Ever.
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