ARGH, I had to pee about a week ago... er I mean when I had to pee about a week ago I was in the middle of clearing out a ton of overgrown areas by where I work. The place was closed so I just decided to pee in a place I couldn't be seen by drivers on the road. I had been working a good couple of hours and had more to go-so it couldn't wait.
AHHH sweet relief I thought, but NO. A week later (now), well yesterday actually, I find my ankles are covered in rashes and so is my arm. My hands are not, and the rest of me is good. It was humid, so I made nothing of a bit of manly scratching to dissipate the heat and deal with the matter at hand with said hand. The itch didn't go away, and got worse. I am thinking o god no, o JESUS NO, o FUCK NO. The sad matter was, my penis didn't have a paper cut, no it wasn't an STD, and there wasn't anything around to make it THIS BAD. I ignore it, and walk around with a manly strut, like a cowboy who has chaffed his balls raw. People keep asking me what is wrong, and I lied, told them I got hit in the nuts.
So today, right before I am about to rant about this, I get this email from a chick who keeps fucking with my head like a yoyo. First she is nah let's be friends, and today I get, "wow I love talking to you so much, let's meet up at a park, and take a long past due break from work." I get excited, measured in penor units, I calculated it to between "I am not the father happy." and "Her daddy didn't see me climbing out of her window happy." This is immediately met with ARGH where is my fucking CHEESE GRATER?!
There was no time to waste, I needed to see why today was even worse than yesterday's itch. I drop my pants mid email and see the problem first hand. The underside below the head where the foreskin ends (circumcised) is like a damn red balloon. The thing itches like a mosquito bite, but is too delicate to scratch. Gentle sand paper like rubbing to appease the itch is met with more blood flow in the form of an erection and the itch becomes worse. Also it is annoying as I don't want itch to be mentally connected to arousal. I'll get some funky rash fetish or something. I'm so pissed, if it like the rest of the rash it will eventually ooze plasma and become crusty. How the hell do I explain to people (maybe even this chick) of a crusty oozing plasma PENIS?! O god, I just realized it will be like waxing my dick to get the plasma off when it dries. FUUUCCCCKK.
Let this be a lesson to all of you out there. When you come in from a hard day of work, if you remember to scrub anything, let it be your penis. Fatherly advice I wish I got.
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lucky bastard
