I was living in florence, Italy during a semester abroad, and had 4 roommates. One of them had an uncanny ability to bring home girls quite often. One night in the apartment, after a good night out, I went into the bathroom to piss. There was a horrid stench that filled the place. not like a bad fart...it was shit(there is a difference)
It even wafted out into the common area. I eventually got past the stink, pissed and went to bed. all was forgotten. Next morning my roommate is telling the wild tale of his night. the booze, the girls...and mentions this hot one he brought home. Turns out, the girl ended up shitting herself and he sent her home. of course uproarious laughter ensued.
-fast forward a week.-
out with some roommates...we finally met some decent girls, and its going really well...but damnit, for some reason the drinks just weren't going down. You know those nights when your gut just isn't right? Well, after about another hour of half smiles and constant discomfort, i decide i had enough and should probably try heading home(alone).
The bar we were at was almost a mile from home. Not good. My nervous walk had some pace to it.
Back then we had a habit of getting stoned and drunk and sprinting through the streets and side streets back from the bars in the middle of the night (good fun. something everyone must do at least once in their life).
Well, this night sprinting was not an option...it was street after street, with nearly locked knees and clenched cheeks and an iron grip on my ass...afraid of what might happen when I let go. I remember the lights and old buildings flying by, but it was accompanied by sheer panic. Oh and you can only go so fast when taking those short quick steps. Not fun
I finally got to my street, and made it to my door..dancing and fumbling w/ my keys. "oh god! oh god...come on!! come on!! fucking keys...not here, please not here...I can hold it!!"
My apartment was 3 flights up. Damnit!!! Well, lets just say it was about 2 flights too many and the clenching and gripping just wasn't cutting it anymore. I burst...
I will never forget the feeling of that hot lump making its way out of my boxers and down a leg. Completely shattered(no pun..really), I hobbled in and locked myself in the bathroom, devastated...
At this point, you just have to 'dig in' so to speak...and begin the cleaning process. Never mind your pride, that's down your leg too. Whats next is simply a systematic, thorough clean down.
Well, quite a while later, after the longest shower I ever had...I never felt cleaner. I walk out and all my roommates were laughing at me, knowing what happened. At this point, I didn't care...I felt almost zen-like after going through that ordeal. The most horrific event ever. You know your body a lot more intimately after that(imagine such a retched thing resides inside of us, but we never really have contact w/ it)
So after all the laughter subsided, my roommate said to me..."don't worry man, I we've all been there before...as a matter of fact, remember that girl I was with last weekend? Well, we were hooking up, and all of a sudden, I shat myself...in bed! I had to send that girl home."
HAHAHA! Fucking ace! I think we were now just a bit closer after that revelation.
Man, studying abroad...what an adventure. Sorry, just got a bit nostalgic there.
NEEEEXT!
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keep the stories coming you fantastic bastards 
