Anonymous #3 said:

It's just that ecstasy raised the roof as far as what I know about 'feeling good'. Be careful with it.

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Anonymous #7 said:

how about you take a real step towards healing and just just tell your parents or equivelent that you were abused and you've turned to drink and drugs and its just fucking you up more and ask them to help.

Drugs are great for soul searching and distracting you temporarilly but you arent actually sorting anything out.

So stand the fuck up right now, go out to the street and scream " I was fucking raped" at the top of your lungs so the world can hear it.

Now its out you can only move forward rather then digging the hole deeper as you are now.

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Anonymous #1 said:

Update: I ended up taking it around some friends. For some reason, at the last minute, I decided I didn't want to be alone for it.

Well, I think that may have been a big mistake. I kept trying to think about the issue, but it was incredibly difficult to pin down my mind onto any one topic, as all I could really think about was how incredibly fucking amazing I felt, and how my friends were there with me making it even more fantastic. I kept thinking about how much I love them and the bonds I have with them. When I tried to think about the incident, it would just get slammed into the back of my mind, and instead I would just think, or rather, feel, how amazing the current moment was and that I shouldn't (felt more like couldn't) think of anything bad or negative. I guess ultimately it freed me from my thoughts temporarily, but didn't really help resolve anything. Whether that was a result of being around several of my friends while taking it as opposed to solo dosing, I'm not sure.

In any case, I do not plan on taking MDMA again. Yeah it felt incredible, but I do worry a bit about neurotoxicity issues, and also I just couldn't help but feel towards the end of the "roll" that it was just way too forced. Rather than being able to delve into my mind as planned, I was shoved into a realm where everything was totally euphoric and well, ecstatic, and that, for the moment, problems didn't even seem to exist. Way too superficial for my likings. Not a total loss, as it did give me a small amount of insight into myself, plus a fun time with friends is never wasted, yet ultimately the whole thing was just a bit of a let down at the end.

As far as SWIM knows, she still has access to it, and could try it out solo if she felt the urge to do so, but at this point she doesn't see that ever happening.

Thank you to everybody who posted.

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