I've come to a point in my life that I NEED to express myself.
I always used to avoid the art scene back in younger years and high school because I hated being a follower, I always thought that if I tried to do anything artistic I'd just be one of those artsy bastards and be somehow feeding off of what they did.
Now, I am on an emotionally destructive spiral, jumping from self-hatred to apathy to depression.
I hate the world, I don't care about the world, I wish the world had more to love.
Although I am aware that these are fairly petty reactions to the death, addiction, obsession and denial in my life... I still cannot do anything to steer away from it, except to express myself.
My lack of skills drives me to do strange abstractions, which I am getting fairly good at, I still would like to be able to do concrete, existing creatures and objects, but everytime I start anything of the sort, I hate the result, I destroy it immediately and never get anywhere before I look at it all as childish scribbles unworthy of existance.
I don't know what to do about this, I keep it all secret. No-one has even seen the drawings and ink-paintings I've been making.
I seem to be building a shell here.
Edited by Anonymous (10/12/09 03:24 PM)
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