FIRST HEROIC DOSE This is the story of the 3rd time I tripped in my entire life... I decided that it was time to go deep and so i decided to take a heroic dose. The times before this experience i never really got deep...except for the 2nd time i tripped, that was fucking crazy but not even close to the experience I had about 2 weeks ago. Please read everything as I believe its worth it...I mean...I met elves under a bad trip and later on everything turned good and happy, and I do think there are lessons to be learned here. lolXD
Before the trip:
I tripped a week before but decided that i needed one more journey into the rabbit hole. This time I wanted to go really deep and find out what a heroic dose felt like. Thankfully a friend of mine had his home free for the night so I asked him if he could trip sit me.
Now this wasnt exactly the best day for me to trip... a girl I was into at the time expressed her feelings for me... and it turned out that she didnt wanted a long distance relationship so I was pretty miserable troughout the day. I was kinda depressed but I was really looking forword to the trip as I was in search of healing and the main reason behind the trip was to get guided by the psychedelic experience and getting healed. Cosmic healing and direction in my life.
I was searching for an intense experience and I got what I needed...Pretty much I got what I deserved because of the fact that I couldnt wait and rushed the experience...so it turned into a bad one...or a learning experience?
Anyway...hesitently I got to my friends home and weighted out about 5.5-6gr ... as i tought i build tollerance and I also hadnt my stomach empty because I planned for it too late. So I tought that I was better off with a little more so that it would be a 5gr experience after all.
I was pretty direct and dropped instantly. I was in for a wild ride.
The anxiety started to build as time went by. I was sitted on the couch watching TV with my friend as we were talking about random shit. I remember that I was pretty calm at this stage and nothing was really going on yet.
After about 10min the first effects started to manifest as I was slowly getting higher and higher. At first i remember that a change in perception occured about 10-15min after intake. O boy...after that my hands started to get weirder and weirder ...I could no longer sense them as usual and I felt like parts of them like the fingers were getting bigger and smaller and changing form as time passed and it was the strangest feeling ever...I also started shaking as I started to comprehend how much I took and what a heavy trip it would turn out to be. I started to speak differently and a definite change in perception was very apparent.
Now the first visuals started to get stronger and stronger. I remember looking at random things in my friends appartment and as I was staring at some doll like fenicopter that started to morph...its shadows were dancing and it started to grow bigger and than returning smaller and smaller....everything at this point started to get fuzzier in my mind so the following events are in no way chronological but I will try my best to tell this story in a linear way.
So I started to freak out a bit because my hands were incredibly weird and everything started to move and morphe... I cant remember much of this phase as what has to come is heavy...I rememeber that I could sense the upcoming intensity of the trip...I somehow could see it coming.. The visuals were getting stronger and stronger...pattern like kaleidoscopes and geometrical shapes started to merge from the environment and from my hands. At this point my tought pattern was getting fucked with a lot.
I remember that i was going into weird phases with my rambling...I was changing the argument of the conversation really sporadically and out I nowhere I could talk about life and the moment after about how nice the matherial of my jeans was or what I saw or how fucked up my hands were...I cant remember my ramblings as I talked easily about 50 topics in about 30-60min. XD XD
I remember that at one point we were watching TV and the visuals were incredible already...we were watching Discovery Chanell and at one point there were showing crocodiles in theyr habitat and the face of the crocodile was sticking out of the water and the rest looked all the same thing...like I saw the water incredibly symmetrical and everything in the TV looked mirrored and curved and really geometricall...out of nowhere they showed a crocodile in its full size and I swear to god, it was covered in eyes like a mf, every single squame was an eye...trippy as hell...We watched this show for about 10min. and everything was trippy as hell...I remember I tought that our planet was dying and we have to do something to save it. Because everything looked death and stuff.
He was bringing me different toys ans everything looked soooo alien and stuff..I was completely gone and no longer myself at this point.
I also remember that at this point I was pretty much gone...Everything started to look really really asian and thailand like. I remember saying to my friend that we had to go to thailand in the jungle and live there free lol XD .
After all this phases the visuals were incredible and every social and cultural barrier was pretty much dissolved completely. I remember that at one point I tought that I had pissed myself as everything around that zone and also my hands felt incredibly wet for one fucking reason. I sayd that I had to pee but I was pretty confused about the dynamics of going to the bathroom on the other side of the apartment and pee. Like incredibly confused on what to do and stuff XD XD XD. Finally I got up and omg...I could barely walk. I was so tripped out that walking was incredibly difficult at this stage.
I managed to get to the toiled and everything was morphing and looked like mirrored trippy patterns and the toilet looked like a portal in wich I peed with the strangest looking penis I ever saw lol XD. Everything was incredibly changed and looked sooooo tripped out...my face was unrecognizable...after 10min of bathrooming in a state in which I was completely deprived of any sense of social or cultural values and normes I remember that I came out of there with an incredible smile... my friend looked at me and said something like..."to who were u talking to in there?"...and i replied back with a strange face and got into the bedroom...He bringed me a cookie and had to pee himself.
It was impossible for me to eat that cookie as I could barely remember who I was and everything looked like elevated and non linear like the pavement was all fucked up and everything was morphing and my body and self were so unrecogniyable. I couldnt remember how to lay down on a bad and so I was layd in the strangest position ever almost dying from that cookie he gave me to eat.. I couldnt remember what I was eating and so i soon gave it up and throw it on the floor...my friend was a bit mad but who cares. He bringed to me a glas of water which I straight up looked dead in his eyes and said..."no way Im going to drink this thing alone".. because I really couldnt remember how to drink properly....
After a bit he putted out a little drone and started to fly that fucking thing around...I was like a scared animal not knowing where he was and being attached by a strange looking machine.. He was bothering me extremely and was fucking with my...He crushed it into me so I took it up in my hand holding it like...wtf is this thing and not knowing what to do with it...it looked tripped out AF.
Anyway...my friend sayd that he was leaving me alone as to my request to trip in the dark alone in that room... Here starts the wild part and the deepest I ever got on a psych...and also my encounter with this "thing"..."elves"...
As soon as he left I remember that I became extremely unconfortable...my stomach was hurting for strange reasons..I was pretty nauseated and I started contorting in the bed not knowing how to properly lay or how my normal way of laying down was and I couldnt get in a confortable position as I tought I was going to puke...Here started my journey into madness itself... Before this point the trip was pretty managable but now everything changes...
I cant exaclty remember everything that happened chronologically but who cares...I remember that about 5-10min alone I encountered something or someone ... I started to go into incredible visions and scenerios..I remember seeing and hearing my and my friend speaking before and also the voice of terence mckeena was flashing in and out of this trip..
Out of nowhere I started tripping so fucking hard...I was literally going trough my mind in a crazy trip... As I reached a point where I was met by what I can only describe as countless elves like creatures...I didnt really saw them as much as I heard them...there where phases where I could get a glance of them but nowhere close to seeing them... I was hearing theyr voices...incredible bad ones...they where kind of laughing at me and denigrating me. They seemed like they were there to punish me and to they were torturing me with this creepy ass voices and I remember that there where moments where the voices where going away only to return stronger and as the volume was rising the intensity of the trip was too. I remember that I tought of myself as a motherfucker who only deserved beatings and had to live life incredibly hard and work and have no friend or family...
I tought that I had to work my ass of after this experience...now remeber, I was pretty much totally convince that this state would never pass and that I fucked up. The visuals were incredibly overwhelming...With lights on everything was soooo distorted and was moprhing incredibly strong and dancing and doing crazy shit...and in complete darkness it was worst...I cant really describe the visions as I barely remember and its difficult to explain. The only thing I wanted at this point was beeing sober, was going out of that state and beeing normal.. I was convinced that I was giving my normal life for granted and that at the end it was heaven, because after death youll end up in a state like the one that I was in and I truly believed that I was in hell. A living nightmare...I was really far out believe me that...all the way feeling nauseated and bad... After a while I remember I tought...The effect will go down, but I want it to end now...it was taking to long...I wanted it to end. I remember that apart from the evil elves doing theyr job...I was in presense of what I can only describe as a biological Hyperspace type machine..Like I felt that I could become interconnected with this "Thing" but didnt because I was too distracted and in a bad space of mind.
It was complete madness...reality had broken down completely and I could think of returning to reality after that...I was gone completely...alot of this phase I cant speak of because words dont fucking work....I barely remeber myself what I was going trough and how i pereceived life until that moment....I just remember thinking that u ingest this "drug" by means that everything is predestinated and that every moment is already written and I bet reality itself as I was never going to be normal again,...everything in my life doesnt counted anymore...like everything seemed fake and I won over reality by going so deep and loaded that everything seased to exist.....I WAS GONE....I can only remember little to nothing of how incredibly interesting (at least now) this state was and how I saw everything....truly humbling. I went literally insane for 2h...I remember I tought as myself as beeing insane and I was in a complete psychotich state ... I saw insanity at its best.....
After about an hour of this my friend came in and sayd that he had to go and that I could stay and later had to leave... I remembering smiling at him and just saying...."Omg what incredible increbile thing...i cant even explain"....meanwhile he tought i was coming down...but in reality I was still completely gone and in a bad trip....after a while I came down from the experience and everything turned soo positive...I remember getting a message from this thing "call it THE TRIP" or whatever....this counsciousness or entity was delivering this message of..."The elves of before where only a part of me, I am different things and u needed to be put in place by me..so i did..." Everything was incredible at this moment... The trip was easier to managable and the visuals where still incredibly beautifull....i remember believing that i was an elve myself and everything loooked sooo tripped out....I remember thinking...i still got 1-2h of trip left...I have to enjoy it...after a while I was able to see this "counscioussnes or the trip"... i even did a foto... It was what I perceived as an eye of god on the wall of wood besides me....which was sliced in different points and was moving and flowing and crazy shitsss...after 1h i got up and leaved...Going home was incredibly trippy as everything was still moving and covered in patterns...
Once Home I was soooo thankfull for my life and my home and beeing there and everything....I layd in bed and spend the whole night listening to random songs... music was incredible...jimi hendrix was a geniuss and It truly became alive his music...like every tone and melody was moving in front of me and doing crazy shit....incredible...You could really see what a complete artist he was and his music was unbeliavably good and perfect...especially the song 1983 was incredible.... Keep in mind that at this point I was still very much tripping...I was seeing everything tainted with patterns and I remained in this blissfull state until i slowly came down...turned out ok....and after 1-2h i was almost completely down. I spent the rest of the night until the sun came up just thinking about the experience. Conclusion: It was one if not the strangest and most incredible experience of my life...but of course beeing the case of a psychedelic, I cant really remember a lot of the trip due to the fact that I went really deep... I will definetly focused now on extrapolating new techings from this experience. I also think that it might have been a case of ego death, but due to the fact that I wasnt ready for my body dying I didnt letted go and this might have started the bad trip that followed...I will definitely concentrate myself on letting go next time ill do a heroic dose...
Anyway..ill be taking again a heroic dose in about a month, and as always will report on the trip STAY TUNED..:D