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Struggle with the Serpent of Death

a fight for life

This was the most intense moment of my breathing life, enjoy

Normally when I consume shrooms it's by myself in the dark of night.  This is to avoid distractions and confrontation, the two things that royally screwed me.  I was camping with a friend and his hippy-esque family with whom I've grown the mushies with for years.  It was a beach, so we decided to eat about 4 grams each of dried Cubensis an hour or so before sundown.  Unfortunately, my buddy got paranoid as hell sitting on an open beach with everyone walking by, so we went back to the sight and chilled out in the tent, now basically immobile.  It was a bit hot so I just lay still and listened to the people talking outside of the tent.  Here's where it gets good.

For a while they just sat around and joked with each other, which I found hilarious.  Observing the way humans get along happily just made me feel glad and cheerful.  Then they started to cook dinner and it all went to hell.  They talked about chopping up hamburger, and my tripping insane mind translated that into "chopping each other up".  So I lay in the tent in utter horror as I heard the two oldest laugh and the others scream, then came the chopping.  Of course it was firewood, but the context in which it came was horrible.  I'd hear whacks and screams over and over again.  At this point I ought to mention that I'm STILL not a hundred percent sure they weren't fucking with me, but that possibility is microscopic, as my buddy didn't hear a thing, and he's a bad liar so I would have known.  The events outside then resembled cooking a young girl alive, with her shrieking in agony.  I snapped.

I did a sort of commando dive out of the tent door, fearing one of them would be standing there with the hatchet waiting to decapitate poor me.  With eyes wide and terrified, and adrenaline pounding hard through my entire being, I made one glance to decide if it was possible to save the girl or just to run like a jackal.  Nothing.  There they sat, all of them, calmly eating hamburgers in lawn chairs around the fire.  I had been SO sure of what I had thought I was hearing that this sight basically stunned me.  I awkwardly turned and sort of speed walked away towards the bathroom to try and figure out what the hell was going on.  One of them followed, which sure as hell didn't comfort me(thought I was being pursued).  The woman who had come was a nice lady who lived through the 60's and knew what to do.  She stayed completely calm and offered to take me back to talk.  Unfortunately, I'm not exactly a normal person.

By this point my loaded brain was working double time to make sense of this troubling and mind blowing situation.  It had decided that I was being tested.  Didn't know who by or for what, but I decided that the point of the test was to resist this woman(who I thought had been planting the fake voices into my mind).  I told her I'd follow, so she started back, but instead of heeling I turned head tail and jogged(honestly) over to a campsite with a bunch of rednecks, stammering and stuttering that "them folks over yonder be crazy!"  The head honcho came up to me and said something like "lookey what we got here!" and something in my broke.  All the pain and confusion went away and I think I lost my will.  The reason was that my mind had decided that EVERYONE in the campsite was in on this whole charade.  Luckily the woman had caught up and she led my back to the sight, telling the rubberneckers I was drunk.  On the walk by my mind made another leap: that everyone in my ENTIRE life was in on it.  Sort of a Truman show scenario.  Anyways I believed then that my whole life had built up and prepared me for this moment, which is where this story gets out of hand.  I doubt any words I say could truley convey how this went down or what it was like, but here goes:

"It is pitch black.  These angels or demons that have captured me now make me sit in a chair before a dead fire.  However it is not dead, there are embers.  Embers glowing and bright as the hottest of fires.  Could it be hell that sits before me now?  Yes.  That must be it.  This is my final judgement, right here and now.  All of life has been a lure, all of it fake and artificial.  The devil has tempted me with all earthly pleasure, and now I must renounce it all or face the eternity of hellfire before me!  What is this? the woman is talking to me... of course! Woman! The creature of the devil is a female, she is like a cat and will try and trick me into the fires!  I must be wary and resist her at all cost!  For the choice I make right now is the purpose of all life.  CHOICE is the meaning behind all things!  When we die the choice we go with will transform us either into pure energy of love or energy of hate!  I shall not fail! Not now! NEVER!"

With the aforementioned mentality in mind, and my mind once again blazing, I forgot to notice something.  It had gotten incredibly cold, and apparently I was shivering and had a crazy heart beat.  Of course I didn't feel the cold, I couldn't feel anything physical at that point, having declared unto mine self that the body is a cage and I must let go of it.  It was then that "my captors" thought it best to DRAG me into a tent before I freeze to death.  There was no way I was gonna let them do that.  I struggled like a man with nothing left to lose.  The fight seemed to last forever, as 2 teenage boys and an adult woman dragged me inch by inch towards my doom.  I felt stronger than I had in my life.  The endurance of my will would NOT be bested.  So powerful was my desire for life that at one point I hooked my bare foot on the hot fireplace to get a grip.  The feeling of being burned did nothing but enrage my passion to defeat this devil, this serpent of death.  Eventually they got me into the tent, though I then thought that it wasn't the actual physical fight that need be won, it was just a matter of will.  I would not lose this fight.

In the tent was an air mattress with several blankets on it.  When I touched it I felt the most comfortable sensation imaginable, It was soft and warm and seemed to beacon for me.  Of course I knew then that it was the final effort of satan to deceive me.  For, you see, the woman had stayed near to keep me from running off, and she actually tried to get me to lay down by hugging me.  Finally losing footing and dragged down by her I sank into the mesh.  More horror.  Lying still on the bed my surrounding morphed into the sands of Egypt, endless waves of earth.  I looked at my hand and nearly screamed as I saw it becoming part of the sand.  Melting into the ground and becoming one with the endless lands.  By now I was weeping, remembering all in life I had loved and hated, the memories came a million a second.  I mustn't surrender.  To keep from losing myself to slumber or soft comfort I keep both legs sticking out in the cold.

Hours later I awoke after having passed out.  It was still dark but early morning.  I was freezing like ice, but still believed that what had happened the night before would go on.  I snuck out of the tent and went down to the beach, which was abandoned.  I sat there freezing for nearly 45 minutes until the sun started to rise.  It was more confusing than anything.  Had I won?  Was my soul free?  Finally I got up and went back to the site, where a few people were up.  We said nothing and I sat like a stone where I had last night and drank some coffee.  Once everyone was up we sat around the fire awkwardly, as I didn't know whether to trust them or steal a car and get the hell out of their torture chamber.  Eventually I got fed up with the confusion and went ahead to ask what had gone down the day before.  Then came their story, which I have woven into my own account to make sense of it, as at the time I had NO idea what was really happening.

We had a few more days of camping left, and after evaluating everyone to be "normal" I came to two conclusions about the whole experience, which I hold true today.  1)  It was the shrooms, and a couple wacked out coincidences.  They made me hallucinate the voices, and things just went from there.  However, the seeming perfection of how it all happened still confuses me.  If this was the case, then I thought it was well worth it.  No one had been hurt(except for my burned and blistering  big toe), and I gained an immense appreciation for life, after having fought fiercely for it.  2)  The people of the campsite had been possessed by some force and really had been testing me, under the guise of mushrooms, and simply planted memories into the people involved excluding me.  It doesn't really matter either way as I gained the same thing no matter which way you view it:  gratefulness.  I had been feeling pretty glum at the time, basically thinking like a nihilist constantly, not caring about anything.  I feel as if this trip happened for a reason, to teach.  So it did, and so I learned.

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