The night started w/ me making me a white russian. I got the eight earlier that day from a reliable source who i always get em from. Mind you, i hadnt tripped in almost a year.
24 yrs old
tripped about 15 times w/ doses raging from half of an eight to a full eightcollege student
, 3rd year
psych major, well you get the point
At home, I made me the white russian (vodka) to help me cope w/ the anxiety that comes w/ taking mushrooms (to me anyway). i didnt drank a lot, just a glass to make the nervousness go away. Started at around Midnight. Ate the whole eight upon finishing my drink and planned to watch tv
, hang in the computer
, listen to music
- none of those things happened.
At first, i did tried to watch "the change up" w/ ryan reynolds and jason bateman. This movie is one of my favorite comedies. At about 12:30, 30 min to the movie and after ingestion i started to feel weird (for a lack of a better word). The movie was going really slow and i knew i wasn't going to be able to hang, feeling already a little drowsy.
Turn off the computer/tv and went to bed. Went inside my bed and laid there w/ the lights off. At first, the trip didn't seem that strong
. A mild mental-fuck i thought to myself. Goddamn little did i know! I closed my eyes and acted as if i was going to sleep. At this point (probably about an hour to the trip) i don't remember exactly when the hallucinations started but the trip began to intesify little by little.
Transitioning from everyday world to the world of psilocybin, I thought about many things. I thought about this one girl i've messing around with. How a few nights ago she confessed to me that she repeatedly kissed different guys while in a relationship of 3 years. Conveniently, she said this to me before we went to the casino for a friend's birthday (who is a friend to the both of us). That night, I couldn't get in, so i waited for her in the car. During my trip, i saw visions of her and the birthday boy (my friend) making out by the bathroom door
of the casino. I thought, "jesus, i've been acting really thristy, like an animal, around women as in lately, not having respect for myself or them".
Then i thought to myself (and talked to myself) "please, please, don't let me think about her", but as i finish saying this of course i did. i thought about my ex-girlfriend. how we just recently had sex, and how i also have sex w/ casino girl, and one other girl. I realized that i've being treating my body w/ disrespect, having sex w/ women who i don't feel shit for and at the same time my ex-girl who i care about so much.
I felt insane. Then it was at this point when the trip intensified to its peak. time was meaningless. I understood that tragedy could be just waiting for me around the corner. this was feeling betrayed, defeated, std's, being mentally ill, needing an organ transplant
, car accidents, deceit, obsessions, perversions. Then, at the actual peak, I was embraced by this network of alien organisms, represented in what seem to be green neon trunks of trees w/ a bunch of moving roots glowing in the dark (my eyes were close). this network was a female-like network, i felt the feminine vibes. This network forced its religion upon me, but being in a desperate situation and hanging on for dear life, i approached the network with RESPECT and let it embraced me, even if it was forcing its religion on me, it was protecting me too, i had no other option. (i think back to this and realize that its at this point when people who are not familiar w/ the experience "lose it" during their trip and end up calling an ambulance)
Words do no justice. You are thrown w/ not one possession into what seems to be the universe, hang for dear life, knowing that maybe you won't be back, listening to weird, creepy, alien sounds, while the daily-life reasoning defies logic.
at this time i experienced again past trips and hallucinations, seeing very clear the vibrating pyramid i saw a couple of years ago during another meaningful trip out in nature.
All the while tears coming out of my eyes, sweating like crazy, and saliva dripping off my mouth.
Finally, when the peak started to cease, i understood that i should approach most things in life w/ respect. i thought about my family and how i want to become a better family member. I often think about killing myself in daily life, not because i actually would, but i live life rather pessimistically, even if i don't want to admit it to my close circle of friends. Then, i saw myself as if I had actually killed my self, i saw my self after suicide, betrayed, lost, failed, all while listening to the sound of the tone of a phone line when is busy or when you dial the wrong number.
All in all, my friends, it was a good experience that i need it. I want to work towards being a better person. the trip was over at around 4 or 5 in the morning. ever since (its been about a month) i am truly working to be more positive and a decent human being and i think im getting closer though its ongoing work.
much blessing my friends, be safe, and remember, RESPECT.