First trip. Life changed.

Today was my first time trying mushrooms.
According to the dealer they were really potent so he recommended I only take a half eighth since it was my first time.

So it's Sunday morning and my sister and I have the house to ourselves all day.
At about 10:25 in the morning we took them.
I didn't have a grinder so I just chopped them up and put them in a glass of orange juice and we chugged it.
We go into my sister's room and are just chilling, listening to music and waiting for the effects.

At first it almost felt like I had taken ecstasy. My body felt really light and I felt an overall euphoria.
I kept laughing and I'm not sure why. My laugh sounded so funny, causing me to laugh more. Then the music started to feel like it was coming from more than one place, I don't know how else to explain it. It felt like the music was playing in "3D." (This was about 10:50 am).

A few minutes later the visuals started. At first it was just the colors got really intense and vivid. Then I lay down on my back and started staring at the ceiling and the walls. At this time we were listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album. The ceiling seemed to be dancing to the music. It was beautiful, the visuals were pretty and easy to handle. Light and easy.

It was about 10 degrees below zero where we live so we were indoors the whole trip. But it was nice to look outside at the bright blue sky. At one point out of nowhere this black bird flew across my backyard. It was so beautiful to see it fly!

For some time we were in this state. Then (I'm not sure how much later) things got MUCH more intense. It was crazy, my sister and I were in the same room, right next to each other but neither of us was talking. The trip went from light and easy visuals to just deeply intense thoughts/feelings. I don't really remember what the visuals were like at this point. It's so hard to explain because it was beyond the 5 senses we normally experience. I couldn't differentiate between seeing, feeling, hearing, I was just taking it all in, like a hyper-sense or super-sense. Time seemed to have stood still and I took the plunge into the ocean of my subconscious mind to try to get a new perspective on the universe. It was SO beautiful.

I thought about life and death. My own life and death. Which is something I have thought about before, but never quite grasped it the same way I did today when I was tripping. I realized that I am just one creature in the whole wide world. So many have come before me, and so many are here now with me, and so many will come after me. I was able to comprehend in a totally different way than ever before, the fact that one day I will die. And that's okay. All that death is, is like turning off the power to the chemical and electrical messages in my brain that allow me to experience this life. That when I die, the flow, energy and beauty of life will continue.

Enough about death, now about life. While I realized that Me, Myself and I is not that important in the big scheme of things, I also realized that for whatever reason (whether there even is a reason or not) I AM alive.  I AM experiencing this beautiful world today. I get to see and observe the planet that we live on. I get to pursue anything that interests and stimulates my mind. I get to FEEL human emotions, and make deep connections with other humans.

I am here NOW. And that is all that matters, to enjoy this very moment, every moment while I have the chance to. It's such a beautiful thing! These are thoughts that I had had before, but now I know it as truth.

I also spent some time looking in the mirror during my trip. I looked so ugly, but it didn't matter at the time, unlike my normal state of mind, where I aim to look pretty all the time according to the idea of "pretty" that has been engrained in my mind throughout my existence. Another part of the trip (I don't remember if it was before or after looking in the mirror), I was on the couch exploring my thoughts when I looked down at my feet. It was so surreal. My feet didn't look or feel like they were a part of my body, and almost felt/looked like they were disintegrating away at times. Like sand blowing in the wind, I was gone.

During the peak of the trip, my sister and I each went into our own rooms. (We are right down the hallway from each other). But we each had our doors open and the laptop where our music was coming from stayed in the living room because it did not feel right to keep it to myself in my room, so I put it in the common area of the house.

Then we slowly started to come down and finally started talking to each other again! :) Hahah! We talked about wanting to be "out there" (in the city, outside, just not indoors in our house anymore). By this time the trip was just beginning to fade away and I jumped the gun and thought I was okay enough to smoke pot. Not the best idea considering I sometimes experience paranoia when I blaze....

After smoking I felt like I was getting taken away by the trip again, but not quite as intense as before. I was in limbo. I realized I was not tripping very hard anymore, but at the same time I was not yet back to 'normal' Then I started to get paranoid about being stuck in this state, and maybe never coming back. But I talked myself down by remembering I had eaten shrooms and just smoked pot, and it had only been 3 hours since I first ate them, so I shouldn't worry about why I am not back to normal yet, I still had time to let it wear out.

After I talked myself down, I felt MUCH better!! (Around 2pm). Got out of bed, took a long, hot shower, then I got myself dressed and ready for the day. Though all I did after coming back was chill and watch football!

Overall, it was a beautiful experience and I hope to take what I learned and move forward on my journey through this life. I feel so fulfilled, optimistic, and at peace.

Much love to my fellow human beings, and I wish you all safe travels. <3