It’s all About Yin/Yang and the Mushroom God … (stolen from Love&Rockets Yin/Yang and the Flowerpot Man)
I find it rather disconcerting to learn the true meaning of yin/yang,
when I try to be a good person and do good things – that I’d like there
to be peace in the world...however, there is beauty and a function of
evil – it is necessary in the universe to maintain a perfect balance.
(and partly explains why goodie-goodies are so annoying!) I know this is far too long of a post, and I'm not really sure if it should go here or over on the subthread of community, but I wanted it written down in order to give it some solidification in my head. The administrator can delete or move it if he/she wishes.
know what stage this falls into – whether a 4 or a 5 but it does seems
a bit intense for 1/16th of Treasure Coast - but it lasted somewhere
between 6-8 hours – with no hangover or anything. Try THAT with
alcohol!!! : )
Perhaps because we were in a hot bathtub which
felt like sensory deprivation and/or back in the womb intensified the
surrealness of it all. The majority were picked quite young - just as
the veils began to show – with half stored in a glass container and the
other a foil covered Tupperware after drying & crushing. However,
all it did the week before was give a warm-body feeling, maybe because
we were too tired and not fully-rested then. But this was a TRIP!
awesome boyfriend and I woke up at 4:30 a.m. on Sunday morning, after
getting a solid good night sleep. He really likes sunrises (and I do
too now after we met!), and since it was on the verge of daybreak and
we talked about maybe jumping in the car and going somewhere cooler
where it wasn’t so hot, since we both had the day off. Then we
remembered about the 1/8 we had just dried and powdered that week. So
he did a good job splitting it in two glasses and we drank it with some
orange juice concentrate.
We didn’t want to stay in the
apartment so we grabbed a dark green fleece throwblanket and walked
over to the baseball diamond to watch the sun come up (holding hands
like we always do). The one set of bleachers had a crappy view, so we
went over to the top row of the opposite side, where it was much
better. Very quiet and peaceful sitting on the blanket – the homeless
guy sleeping on the park bench over near the trees hadn’t even woken up
yet. We sat and watched the sky go from a pinkish to orangey. It kicked
in rather gradually and was very nice.
The lawn sprinklers
went on, shooting up into the already 85 degree air like they do in Las
Vegas at the Bellagio, only without the horrible music and without all
the tourists. A water show just for us, drops catching the sun
reflecting rainbows. A woman drove up with her dog and were playing
Frisbee. Dog running back and forth, ears flopping up and down, very
happy to be getting some attention in the park and not alone wherever
he is kept all the time. It felt like we were in Milwaukee WI (even
though I never been there or the park before). A picture-perfect
morning. Perfectly happy.
the sun itself came up and was rather too bright and harsh to look at
anymore – luckily I had a pole in my way. The chain-link fence and
bleachers started to move, and the baseball diamond dirt turned into
swirly patterns. He got up to walk around because he didn’t have the
benefit of the pole to block the sun, needed to move and said it felt
good. However, it was a real effort for me to get down off the
bleachers, trying to make sure my feet landed on each step as I went
down. It probably didn’t help that they were grooved with horizontal
lines. It did feel good to walk around. By that time the other
sprinklers kicked on and the woman with the dog left.
wrapped the blanket we were sitting on around me like a cocoon and we
walked back to the house because it was starting to get hot. The
light-colored rocks next to the sidewalk and barren dirt parking lot
became fascinating, as it felt like the two of us were walking on
Mars*. The world was just me and him, nobody else existed. He told me
to look up and around at the wonderful world around us, and not at the
ground, that I was missing out on things, which I was – all the
greenery was so green! I must have looked like an idiot with that
blanket and hunched over staring at the ground, have to admit now it
was a little suspicious in case the cops drove by. All I thought was
how cool it was to be walking on Mars.
And how safe it felt to
be with him. And how nice it was that he was looking out for me,
despite being in the middle of his own experience. And how I love him.
And how my neighborhood almost seemed nice. And how the mushrooms
really want us to grow them – they want to be grown. We turn the corner
and suddenly it feels like we’re in Denver CO (even though I never been
there either), the sun glinting off the new development across the
street and mountains in the background. <<don’t exactly remember
how we got back to the apartment. Hoping he will jump in with his own
take on the whole event, because I think it would be interesting to see
how his perceptions of things are different, because I’m sure they
But do remember him wanting to use the bathroom,
so I put the blanket down on the living room floor and lie down. The
cats are around me. Close my eyes (still feels like Denver!) and see a
wonderful dark golden yellow color, with fractal patterns on the inside
of my lids and look at that for some time. It’s very pretty. Don’t know
how long but seems like I’ve been laying on the floor for awhile, so go
off into the bedroom, and there he is. He didn’t have to use the
bathroom after all.
Strip my clothes off and get into bed –
he’s got the blankets all around him cocooned, and pulls me under next
to him. It’s so very nice. << missing time.>> He must be
tripping pretty hard because he can’t look at my face and kiss me
without my face morphing into something reptile. He asks if I can stop
smiling, but the thought of trying just made me smile more, so I had to
tell him “then don’t look”. But I don't mean it in a nasty way. “Why do
you always cry all the time?” Don’t know why – just do. The mushroom
gods always makes me cry. But I’m SO happy!
I am off in another
world and try to give him a blowjob, but get the mental idea that it’s
not going to work because we really aren’t in that physical plane to
where it could – no matter how much he wanted it or how skilled I was.
Too far gone. (oh and I never mentioned it to him afterward but
remember quite vaguely there was a third entity there, but nothing
specific about it. Unclear as to what extent he/she/it was
participating, I just accepted it like it was the most normal thing and
enjoyed it being there).
But he says it feels good. By this point, I am really out of it and I'm
not really sure who's penis it is, it feels like mine, even though I
don't have one in "real life". Ah, so nice to get that viewpoint.
suggests a hot bath, and it takes a long time and much effort to go
there and get it going. So I’m sitting there with the water filling up,
and it doesn’t seem like the water is filling up at all (have had
problems with the stopper). I watch the water at my feet and am shocked
out of it by him *suddenly* sitting on the toilet. I swear to god he
was just laying in bed with the covers all around and literally the
next second he’s next to me? God - this stuff is good!!!
gets in the bath with me and since he’s 6’, I offer to change places so
the faucet isn’t hitting his back. Thankfully he’s a very patient
person, and he is the one to get everything so that we are both facing
the same way with our feet at the faucet and heads facing each other,
which was probably quite an accomplishment since I just couldn’t
understand spatially what was going on, all I knew is that the water
has been on forever and wasn’t filling up. Then we get settled in and
bam! – two seconds - the water is up to not even an inch of overflowing
– to the point where later on, my cat didn’t have to bend down to drink
out of the bathtub! Worried about the neighbor downstairs because the
caulk sealer around the bath is cracked. Think he turned the faucet
off. Not sure in which order the rest of it goes in. < will edit
It’s warm, it’s dark, and he makes me feel safe. He
loses all sense of time. I drift in and out of scenes that take so
long, I don’t even know (or care) what time or what day it is, the
whole while tears pour onto my chest and snot drips out my nose That it
could be Monday morning and missing work means nothing. My regular life
is meaningless, all that matters is this other world I’m in. In real
life, I try to be a good person, and be kind and help people. Then I
get into this grand understanding of yin/yang. It doesn't matter if
you're good or bad, if you do good things or bad - the universe is in
equilibrium and is always in total balance. It just is. Good people can
fight all day long and they won't get anywhere. The bad will never
succeed at overthrowing the good. There will never be total peace,
never be total war. That both sides should just stop trying and just
BE. Because it’s just how it IS.
asks if I touched the stopper with my foot, and I said yes, because I
probably did even though I didn’t remember. He talks about how
everything goes back into chaos and the dark tower. And I don’t know
where he’s going with it – so I share about how the dark can do all it
wants – toil forever, and it will never be done because of the balance
I just learned about. We talk about good and evil, and how the evil is
pretty too. He says how our life is a bag of marbles, with each one a
different outcome and potential. I ask if they are the pretty old
marbles or the boring plain white marbles and how I prefer the nice
ones. We pick a few up and see how things are.
He says he
loves me. I can talk because it helps him to think - .I want to know
what he is thinking about but don’t ask in case he wants to have a
private moment - so I say about how much I really do love him too, that
I’m not going anywhere, and that it is solid, I refrain from saying
“like a rock” because I think it will sound stupid. Then out of thin
air he says “like a rock” and I remember yelling “exactly” – amazed
that he said it.
However, that I keep touching him prevents him
from going exploring places, so he takes my hands and puts them on me.
This is ok. I feel bad that everything “is always about me” that “what
about him?” - My chest is dry and I have to look and see that the tub
is still full. I’m sorry to be such a very real detriment to his trip,
but he stays in the bath with me. And says that I should stop breathing
and just be still as possible, because it’s nice. And it is! We are
barely breathing. I tell him that I’ll stay behind to make sure his
body is ok and he can go travel. We are time travelers. He’s been
He stretches outwards, going forward into the future, seeing such wonderful things and a big red eye.
Spiraling radiating outward. He wants to ask some questions, if I’ve
seen anything multidimensional – but I don’t understand what that means
(while in that state) and say something like we are always in one
dimension and that we take it wherever we go.
For some reason
we are totally dry and so is the bathtub – even though periodically I
looked at it and it was totally full the whole time (so it seemed). My
cat comes up and chews on my ear, pulling out my diamond earring,
dropping it. He said I should be mad at the cat, but the cat is just
doing his job to make sure we’re ok. He needed to get up and can’t move
or feel his legs. Seemed like the worst pins&needles ever.
go back to bed and he tells me great stories about Susanna’s love
affair with Eddie and Roland who tries to get to the top of the tower.
And I try to help, but my ideas suck. The only stories I could come up
with are absolutely horribly pathetic –like the depressed robot in
Hitchhiker’s Guide. Stuff about fairies with glow in the dark eyes the
size of pins and flying around eating sinus tissue, until it found
Susanna’s. I really hope he doesn’t hate me for ruining his stories or
trying to derail the thing – but I mean it in good fun. I just suck at
telling stories. The guy is wonderfully patient & understanding.
I’m so lucky to have him around - the best boyfriend ever!
I slowly returned back to normal, very grateful for the experience,
closeness in feelings towards my friend, and the lessons/ideas that
were shown to me.
Something tells me that this is just the
beginning of a wonderful relationship with what JUST IS - and my friend
too. I very much look forward to going back there again and getting to
understand everything there is to know about everything. All in due
*Obviously I’ve never been to Mars either. That I know of anyway!
I wanted to post this in the other section about Level 4 trip reports,
but I use a Macintosh Safari and the forum won't let me copy it in.