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what is what is?

"Happy 18th birthday" Her beautiful smile said while handing over a bag (Big Bag) of dried magic.



"Happy 18th birthday" Her beautiful smile said while
handing over a bag (Big Bag) of dried magic.

"Wow, are these mushrooms? how do I take em?"

"Just eat them"

And eat them I did, all 7.5 grams of them! As a first
time user I found the taste to be similar to sunflower
seeds. It was november 8th, There were 10 of us mushroom eating hicks on a mission. It was 11:00 at night,northern ontario Canada, the winter winds outside were Howling cold. It was suggested right after ingesting that we walk to the store for food before it closes. Since the store was only a short walk I left the house only wearing a jean jacket and t-shirt. Walking walking walk ing wal king yawn
w alk in g yawning w a l
k
in
g YAwnnn
"Holy fuck do things ever make you yawn"

"That just means their working" my buddy jeremey lets me in
"Hey Jer, im seeing Red veins in everything"

Jeremy laughs.

1.5 hours later

Where still walking around, my stomach is knot tied good from all this lauhgter

"Oh why cant everyone feel this good all the time!"

Wait a moment is my nose bleeding, I can taste blood,
it feels like its dripping from the top of my throat onto
my tounge. The crease on top of my brain is caving into itself and is releasing blood from the god gripped pressure.
I start hacking, looking at my spit for any traces of blood, their is none, whats going on.

I try asking jeremey if he tastes blood. I say his name once, only it comes out followed by hollow sounding echos.
It's as thou im sitting inside my head and every word I speak or even think is bouncing of the inside of my skull hitting each other until finnally blending so that every thought im thinking is the same. Im feel as thou im going insane, im almost frightened to be with my close friends for fears of this insanity scaring them. I just wish everyone would admit to being insane with me, almost as an act of re-birth.

I look to jeremey for some sort of re-assurance (what sort I dont know and are my eyes as glossy as his).
All he says is "It's all energy" with his hands held out stretched above his head. What the fuck is he talkin about
its all energy. I try to ask but cant get past my lips.
I realize what he's talkin about but cant fathom it. I keep looking at my hands thinking over and over, if this universe is just one energy, than whats the point of it turning into me just so it can look at itself and call itself energy, why is it trying to figure itself out, why is it calling itself energy. Everything was going into itself, I was caught in the infinite.

I stood up and walked over in front of some trees, I remember not feeling anything, Anything! for feelings were
no different from any other thing at that moment. All was silent. For some reason even the silence seemed to echo in my head. I looked to the tree tops on the dark winter sky, I then could see myself above the tree tops sitting in the air, I could'nt see this with my eyes, but for some reason I knew I was up there. and I could also see me standing on the ground from the top of the trees. All the thoughts I had were now bouncing from my head on the ground to my head in the trees.
I was telling myself things that I had never heard of before. I was telling myself about the oneness of all things, love, compassion, infinity, all that stuff,
the only line I remember telling myself that night was
" You can't talk about IT, because your using IT to talk with".


4 hours later

This whole time I was outside in the freezing winter night wearing only a T-shirt (I left my jean-coat somwhere)
I was to high to notice my arms had been completely frozen numb, I could barley lift them to open the door to the house. Once inside I sat next to the fire while my torso thawed out. My arms hung limp at my sides, I thought my body parts had died. Panic with the taste of blood in my mouth from a decomposing brain. At this point all I kept chanting over and over was "Nothing Matters" It helped keep me calm and its message felt truthful. They could have put me in jail that night for the rest of my life as long as I remembered nothing matters. Jeremey ask's what im moaning about, "Id tell you, but it doesn't matter" ha ha

Anyway the next couple weeks after that I that I could change the world with all this alien information, until I stumbled onto some books on buddism, ect. Turns out people have been thinking these thoughts for thousands of years. Oh well, for an 18th birthday it changed the way I take my life, even to this day and its been 4 years.


Bow Dean Mccluskey

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