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Song of Life

my fiancée and i went to baja, calif.

my fiancée and i went to baja, calif. for the 4th of july weekend. i took along some left over powdered FrUiT that was in my fridge from two batches ago. i wanted to get in a couple of trips over the next 4 days. we got there at 3:30am friday morning and reclined all the next day. i slept, smoked a little herb and ate lightly.

at 11:30 the following day, i ingested 2.5 gm. i popped my KIVA CD, (a killer selection of shaman chants from various world tribes, recommendation: high) into my disc-man and, after lying in a darkened room for about a half hour, i went out a’tromping. i took my diskman w/me and climbed the dunes. everything looked so beautiful. i laid on the beach and let myself “bake” into the rocks. the sand would honey-comb with purple and gray geometric shapes. i walked a lot and thought a lot and the music hypnotic. all and all, i baked in the sun and came home quite relaxed and mellow.

the next day i was exhausted for the previous day's walking. i didn’t know if i wanted to waste the balance of my shrooms on a day that i was so out of focus when sober, though i am thankful i did. this time: 2.1 gm and i did the same thing…went into the room and listened to my shaman CD for a while and split. i liked where KIVA took me yesterday and thought i'd give it another chance. when i began to feel the *rushing* i left for the 200 foot san dune overlooking the beach--this time, leaving my disc-man behind. i found it to be distracting. i walked up the hill and saw a couple of vacationers there. i waved and jogged northward. no one goes that far and I wanted to be alone.
i sorta looked at the sand play it’s honey-comb tricks and gradually came into a state of happiness. i went over to the cliff and sat down looking over the ocean. everything was in PuRplE BliSS and i was so happy. it was then that i noticed that i was chanting a mutated song from the KIVA CD. the song was incredible! it wasn’t like it gave me power or anything, although it did seem to make me a part of “everything”. the hawks and seagulls would sail above my head and look at me and i would sing back to them. this may sound strange but it gets better.

i would walk a little bit and sit down on another hill and look at everything. i could not stop laughing out loud and grinning like a kid. on one sitting, i was checking out some ants on a bare patch. after about 10-15 minutes, i realized that i was laying on a red ant hill. they were all over my legs and shorts. i, in my truest state of happiness, just sung my song to them and laughed. (i had been chanting the song, either in my head or out “loud” for the previous 1-1/2 hours.) they gradually made there way off me...and not ONE bite did i receive. no shit. it wasn’t like i controlled them, it was like we *knew* each other’s intent. i apologized for sitting on their house and went my way. i then lay in a hollow away from the ocean noise and just melted. i watched the sand honeycomb and move when i touched it. i communed with a fly, had a funeral for a dead ant, (that i accidentally killed,) and loved life.

i understood that happiness--true happiness, could only exist with the absence of ILL thoughts and ILL feelings. i tried to think of a bad thought, (jealous, hateful, mean,) and i couldn’t! i also realized that i was going to come down soon, and when i did, i would be able to feel those ill feelings again. i got scared, and told myself: as long as i remember what this place is like….as long as i remember this song, i will always be able to ‘tap-into’ this joyful place. i was quite content and went back to the house, chanting my chant. i hung with my fiancée for a bit and then went back to the beach still singing my song to myself quietly. i piddled around there for a while, then came home.

this is the sad part. i was sitting in a Lazyboy looking at the ceiling and messing with my guitar…when it stopped. the words of the chant left my head. try as i might, i could not get the words back…still further, i could not remember the music either. no rhythms and no words--the Song of Life was gone. i didn’t get mad or hysterical or anything. i just sat there with a bit of melancholy and understood: it would probably be a bit dangerous to have a guy walking around with the Song of Life on the tip of his tongue. i am not a shaman; nor am i a person of an overly-extreme moral quality--i am prone to acts of irrational and sometimes less than moral behavior.

i am once again reinforced in my struggle to try to be of good character. not just act good or try to do what’s right, but to *want* what’s wholesome and good without any ILL feelings. i want that level of pure happiness again...and why not? is a life that is filled with jealousy, hate, anger, and mistrust an even trade for pure bliss? (that's a rhetorical question.) _/H_

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