3.5g liberty cap

I decided to pull the plug on TV and made my way up to bed with headphones ready and an ambient playlist prepared earlier in the day. I’ve had a few beautiful experiences with psilocybin recently and I always felt that going into darkness accompanied by music was the best course of action. This time is was different.

In the darkness appeared a bright white shaft of light that began to sweep slowly over my head, the music morphed into a single tone that swept along with the light. I was being scanned by a form of alien technology, It moved over my head and body. I was totally paralyzed at this point and succumbed to the scan. After this appeared small neon alien furn like creatures that span in front of me before pulling me away from reality completely. I felt as though I was in a large dome structure, this was possibly a cave as it felt subterranean, I’m sure there were plants there too. All I can recall from this stage of the trip is that I was in this place for a very long time and I began to panic. I started to regret taking the larger dose and began to fight against it. I began to flail around and felt as though I was wading through a very thick dense fog, I pushed through this and found myself back in the bedroom, and at some considerable effort made my way back downstairs.

My wife was on the sofa where I had left her earlier. I asked how long I had been upstairs and I was terrified when she told me 1 hour, I honestly felt I had been up there all night. I asked her to help me get back to bed, the rooms had completely flattened in the house at this point there was very little to separate 2D from 3D. Climbing the stairs was like squeezing into a dolls house that was also folding in on itself, utterly terrifying. In bed I realized I didn’t have my headphones but by this point music meant nothing to me, all I had was Mckennas ‘silent darkness’. I lay there in the dark and it began. The furn shaped creatures began to appear and mold together to create different environments that would pull me away into them. Unlike previous experiences I was no longer simply witnessing strange neon multi coloured alien phenomena but I was literally being sucked into them. Before I lost my body completely my final act was to put my arm over my wife in an attempt to anchor myself to this reality. It was of course in vain as after a few moments she vanished and soon after I was gone too.

My new reality was just floating in a massive dark space that was populated in the far distance by giant floating rectangular screens, I couldn’t quite make out what was on the screens but I had a solid sense that on each screen was playing out somebodies life. I was behind the screens in this sky dome and felt that one of the screens was my life as I used to be. I was struck with how fragile existence is, the screens were as thin as rice paper. I’ve been fascinated with psychedelics and ego death for some time but now that I was in this place and could feel how easily everything that you know to be existence could be torn away like tearing a piece of paper just became utterly terrifying to me. I longed to be back in my life and was scared witless that I would never see my wife and young son again. This is when the furn creatures pulled me into a new zone.

I had regained my body but was still not back on earth. I was hanging on by one arm to a rail or ledge over a massive precipice. When I looked down what I witnessed was total and complete chaos. Networks of road systems were below me and within these were alien elephant creatures zooming about in what looked like stone vehicles. I has a very real sense that I was being told that this is what’s beyond the many lives that you could hold and what is beyond is simply a crazy chaotic joke.  

I screamed into the void “What can I do?”

It replied in one word “Love”.

I tried to ask more “What do I have to do, not get angry with people, dont resent people when they act badly to me”?

It repeated “Love”.

I was literally screaming into it trying to get more information, but each time came the same one-word answer.

The ledge was gone and I was now in a large walled garden I was outside of my body and watched as my head was spun around on a large stone slab and before my disembodied head appeared what looked like a giant playing card that was framed by more stone slabs. The card spun around revealing a red image of a sword and again I heard the word “Love”. From the sword shot a beam of energy into the sky and I could see a giant glowing outline of a warrior constellation. I knew that this sky warrior was me if I could just take on the message to Love everything. All the problems that could be thrown at me on earth could be deflected away by remembering that love conquers all. I’ve never experienced a message like this in my life and the whole event left me speechless.

When I returned to my body I was just lying in the darkness twiddling with an silicone earbud as though it was some kind of shamanic rattle. I just kept flicking the earbud and trying to breathe.

I made my way downstairs still tripping pretty hard but firmly back on earth at least. I wrapped up in blankets and sat out in the freezing November night. The moon was nearly full and looked like nothing I’ve ever seen before, I felt that the moon had a distinct female power. There were stars that I’ve never seen before and perhaps never will again. I flicked my rattle, shuffled around in my blankets for warmth, almost dancing on the spot and felt a deep connection to the men and women who gazed up at the same moon 10,000 years ago. I could still see the beams from the sword in the sky.

Love from Ceri