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First ever trip, just so happy

7.2g Thai variety

So I bought one of those grow kits. Yeah, I know. But I did want to start with something more on the foolproof side and it also helped they said the pinheads would start coming up after just a week or so. I'm generally patient (and I have the proof to show it) but I'm also lazy so I won't miss a shortcut when I'm offered one. Since then, I have a few clones growing on agar plates I made, and also a few others from spores.

Anyhow, my babies grew up, and after I made the clones and the spore swabs (tried a spore print but it mostly failed), I put them in the fridge to eat them in a day or two. That didn't happen because life happened, so I dehydrated them in my air fryer a day later at 70 degrees (160 degrees for those in the US) over 4 hours (was enough for cracker dry), then I put them into little ziplock bags, then in a jar with some freshly reactivated bentonite to be on the safe side, then put them back in fridge. Btw, the dry weight was about 15% of the fresh weight, not the 10% I read everywhere, and I wonder why. I dried them for another hour just to make sure, but the weight stayed exactly the same, so I know for a fact they were as dry as they could be.

I went to sleep around 9 on Friday and I woke up at around 3. I had prepared a cute slideshow and a nice playlist for myself to get the mood right because I was going to be alone and I was frankly scared something may go wrong. I took 1.8 g at 3:19 with just water, then waited. Nothing happened at all for a half hour, then 40+ minutes. I got really anxious that it was not gonna work, so I took another 2 g at 4:05, then another 1.6 g at 4:18. Still nothing, so I was like, screw it, and took my last 1.8 g ziplock bag just a bit later. Idk, is around 7.2 g too much for a first trip? LMAO Anyway, it's the Thai variety (prolly just because my ex is Thai) so it's not the strongest, and idk if that day in the fridge while fresh did much or not.

The first hint was that, as I was looking at my screenshow of super cute pictures and listening to my nice playlist, I suddenly thought that this person must love me very much for putting so much work into making sure I would feel nice and safe. That why I immediately realized it was technically "me" I was thinking about, but I felt no contradiction even then. So yeah, that's when I knew this thing was on.

I had wanted to go about the experience in a disciplined way, stuff like measuring my pulse with my watch, recording my voice as I narrated the experience, and crap like that. The moment it actually started, I suddenly realized none of that mattered, so I took off my watch and forgot about the whole thing. So I guess that was my first great insight lol.

Quite soon after it started, I kinda... fell apart? I was touching my body with my right hand but it was coming from the wrong direction and it didn't feel as my own as it touched me, even though I of course continued feeling it, and it was somehow alright? In general, my body was very weird and undefined. At some point I was playing with my toes lol. It was like the whole world was just my left toes and my fingers touching them. As I was touching my hair (cut quite short), it made really weird noises. When I touched my plushies, they felt like they are a part of me, and their parts too were at all the wrong places.

The music, it was so intense. I could hear notes I never heard before, and the whole thing was just so beautiful; it kinda filled my world. Some songs took on a completely different mood than usually; somehow I managed to start my sad playlist and all the sad and melancholic songs became happy and sunny. There were many times, and especially one short period, when the music morphed into something entirely different than what I knew I should've been hearing. That one time, I was even thinking, "ah, so I've arrived" as if into another world; it really felt like I was someplace else for some time, and it was peaceful, and even though the music was very weird, it wasn't disconcerting at all. I really think it's all about how we interpret the experience, though I'm not sure I should pretend to be an expert after just one trip lol.

BTW I had an agenda for things to think through, but I kinda forgot about it until at some point the music stopped. The sun was already up but my eyes were still closed, and I was just lying there and thought, when the music stops, life still goes on, and it felt really profound and it's kinda still with me? That's when I found an opportunity to think back to the really painful breakup with my ex and finally managed to find closure. I know it's been just a day but I'm still at peace about it and I have hope it will indeed last. I had another personal issue I gained some important insight into, but it seems that one needs more work.

I didn't get up from my bed much, though I did go to the bathroom like 5 times. It was really weird because, as we know, my legs and arms weren't where they should've been, and yet I could just tell them what to do and they just did it? I didn't open my eyes (all through the trippier part of the trip), so I just felt for the walls, the door, and when I touched them my hands were at all the wrong places, but still it was fine and okay somehow? I found my flip-flops with my very alien feet, walked to the bathroom, all the while hearing the music from my room as if it was right there inside my head. I saw some things too with my eyes closed (can't really remember what; mostly abstract patterns in 3D?) and I was just standing there and at times I couldn't feel my body even existed at all. It still must be a nice little obedient body because how else could it have been standing upright even during that? I honestly can't understand how this works...

Question about not opening my eyes. Somehow I felt that the experience would fall apart if I opened my eyes, and in general that I had to "work" for this experience, like it's not something that "happens" to me (whether I want it or not) but something I just get some help to "create." Is this true? Or would I just see the real world really distorted? I'm sad I didn't check when I could, but I wasn't in the kind of mind free for experimentation. When I slightly opened my eyes in the shadow of my blankies all crumpled up around my head, I could see my fingers in front of my face very weirdly though, as if I had been looking into some cave. So I guess my vision was indeed affected. Also, later on, when I had already switched over to my earbuds and phone, the playlist on my phone screen and the covers of the mangas on Tachiyomi were all super bright and vibrant and happy.

At around 9 in the morning, when I finally opened my eyes and all my parts had already been at the right place for at least an hour, I went outside for a walk. It felt like I came back from a few weeks of vacay, everything was bright and shiny, and I was super happy and couldn't stop grinning. It helped that the weather was indeed bright and shiny lol. I went to buy a Monster and I was like, how will I be able to buy it without grinning to their face? But I managed. And I ended up throwing up the can with still drink in it, stuff I'd literally never done before. I just felt like I really didn't need this crap. Let's see if it lasts.

Weird things I noticed afterwards. Though I think I was still just coming off. When I typed on my phone, my fingers were working just way better than usual. When I took out my earbuds from their case, my hands were doing it in ways I've never done before, as if some patterns have actually been erased or overwritten. It was a bit weird.

I bought ice cream at around 10:30 and I discovered I had been eating them the wrong way all this time!! You can actually suck on them with your lips too, and it feels super duper nice! And the cone, each little bite is so crunchy and nice... I've been missing out on so much haha

I put this under level 4 though ChatGPT said that being "completely fallen apart" may in fact be a level 5 thing, and I guess merging with my plushies too, and also 7+ grams may take someone there. But I'm not sure.

I think I've been rambling enough, and I'm not sure what else to add anyway. It was easily the weirdest experience of my life, and also one of the best.

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