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4g, First Taste of Ego Loss
I felt as if my mind regressed evolutionary to a simpler organism in my DNA ancestry
At this point in my life, I am fairly experienced with mushrooms since I first tripped over 3 years ago. I'm familiar with the effects, somewhat know to expect, and generally have a great experience, even when it's difficult. However, I'm also a pretty cautious individual, and I don't believe I've ever really done more than 3.5g and exceed Level 3 effects. I've felt disconnected from my self before, where I perceive my thoughts and experiences in a third person type way, but I have never truly dissolved my ego quite yet. It was Saturday, and I just had a difficult week where I scratched my cornea and had uncontrollable tearing for a few days in my right eye. I really feared I had wrecked my eye, but it was able to heal and clear up by the end of the week, and I really felt grateful for my body being able to heal itself so fast and be back to normal. I decided now was as good a time as any to finally try for a higher level trip. I had a good supply that would be running out soon, and I wasn't doing anything in particular, so I felt it was all in place and I had a good window of time to go out for a while. I had fasted for over 12 hours, only eating a uncooked tortilla wrap to fill my stomach as I went out to get my eyes checked and order some new glasses. It was about 6:50, the sun was setting, and I weighed out 4 grams of a mix of stems and cap pieces, with one large intact 2 gram shroom. About an hour beforehand, I had drank a can of Yerba Mate as well as an IPA, and this I think along with washing down the shrooms with some warm Matcha tea really intensified the trip beyond my expectations. Within 20 minutes, I was already feeling heavily stoned and slightly nauseous as well as started getting increasingly anxious with anticipation and restless, sensations getting more and more intense. I was sitting on the couch with my friend/roommate watching King of the Hill when I just couldn't handle the brightness, dialog, and disjointed looking animation and art, and announced to my friend I had to go lay down for a while. He also took some, albeit a smaller dose, but enough that we were both vibing when we parted ways temporarily to ride out our peaks. I laid in my bed in the dark for some time, my body shivering and facilitating, and I was crouched up in fetal position under my covers. I took my glasses off and just tried to let it pass, but I was growing more and more delirious. My imagination was going wild and seemed completely autonomous, showing me some horrific gorey version of King of the Hill, as well as feeling as if characters and fictional people were talking to me. I really started to panic that I had done too much and finally triggered the latent psychosis in me, and this delirium was permanent. But I held on, repeating to myself that I will be fine, and to just let it happen and pass. My thoughts were going in overdrive and my mind's eye just kept visualizing the craziest stuff, hearing voices in unrecognizable languages, and my body feeling more and more foreign. I realized I was still in silence, the only sound coming from my open window and the cars and transit trains below my apartment, so I fought hard to understand my phone, open a Radio app, and play a local Classical music station from my hometown to ground me a little. I also opened my blinds so I could see the cityscape from my window, which really was nothing but a kaleidoscopic collage of color and light without my glasses. I also turned on my fan since I was getting hotter, and once I got more comfortable, I laid back down and finally started to feel more at peace with what was happening. So comfortable, that I took a few rips from my Cannabis oil vape pen, which really started to intensify things more. I went into another intense wave, and I felt as if my mind started to regress evolutionary, like I was becoming the prior life forms in my DNA. I thought I was some simple organism, I really can't seem to put it in any other words other than I felt like a worm. I had no arms, legs, I was just this tube of nerves processing sensory information. I had no thoughts, I don't even remember seeing anything but blackness, and it was only when I had a moment of clarity and remembered who I was and what I did that I realized I had maybe just experienced ego loss for a moment. I sort of tranced out again, this time feeling like some fuzzy, big bird or dinosaur, before then morphing into a bear, and then finally back into the familiar primate and my self again. When I opened my eyes, my glasses were still off, and while my vision was blurry, I was seeing crystal clear patterns and shapes of eyes, faces, and other unrecognizable forms within the blur of my vision. I was in total, stupefied awe, and I think I may never trip with contact lenses again, because it was truly amazing what I saw through my unaided myopia. The lights outside my window were dancing, blobs of bright color containing fractals upon fractals. I hit my pen some more, and that's when I really just started to feel an intense euphoria and wonder at what I just experienced, and was still experiencing. It was about 9:30 or so when I finally felt like I could get up and interact with the world again. I remember opening my phone and looking at random wikipedia pages, and the faces in pictures just looked so weird, like they were distorted yet still so solid and real. I went out to the livingroom and my friend was back on the couch. I could barely talk, but I think he understood my brain was jelly at that point. I appreciated that he was still somewhat functional, because he turned on the TV and opened up Netflix, playing some nature documentary. I thought I was finally coming down at that point, but the images on the TV were absolutely wild. I was seeing patterns and strange light phenomenon in everything, the faces of people were again looking distorted and foreign, almost alien like. The animals were also so strange looking, although less strange than the people in the show. There was also a bunch of technology that was looking so fractured and layered. The craziest thing however is how realistic and believable it all was, where I didn't even feel like I was hallucinating, and that was just how it always looked. My visual processing finally started going back to normal by the end of the program, and I was now just experiencing some mild drifting/morphing and color shifts and bleeding. We ended the night by watching a couple classic episodes of Star Trek, enjoying some beer and weed on the come down. It was almost 2am before I finally fell alseep, and I got the best sleep I had in a while. I'm still processing what I experienced the day after as I write this, but one thing is for sure, I definitely reached a milestone in trip intensity, and hope the next time I do a high dose like this, I am able to handle it better and can take more away from the experience other than just being delirious and dumbfounded at the beauty and horror of it all.
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