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15g truffels trip report

Back to 1995

Childhood and the orb of light -
A 15g Truffels trip report.

By Marley,

Previous psychadelic experience - Weed, Mushrooms, LSA and DMT.

Introduction -

Recently, towards the end of February 2022, me and my girlfriend Samantha decided to visit Amsterdam for a long weekend. We are pretty well travelled, yet the short - 45 minute - flight from our home in England is not something that has really interested us, until recently. Our lust for exploration and travel reignited by the end of the long and tiresome lockdown restrictions.

Some Backstory -

The past couple of years have been challenging to say the least. Im not often one to dwell on bad times (everyone has them right?) But after the deaths of - more than afew - family and friends over the lockdown period, I personally was left feeling confused, angry and bitter. I wouldn't say its something I have a predisposition towards, normally, im a quite fun loving and easy-going person (the old cliché). However, I feared that my recent woes had shattered my outlook on life and this was only just the start of my steady mental and social decline. I genuinely thought - at points - that this was the Universe, or some Grand Creator, using me as a punch bag from time-to-time. Just as I caught my breath after the first blow, another strong left hook would knock me back down, just a little lower than I was beforehand.
Alcohol and class-A's were my crutches pretty much throughout, but as drugs often go ''you control the drugs until they end up inevitably controlling you''. In a way, I even enjoyed the negatives of these poisonous substances, the short-term problems were a welcome distraction from my long-term issues. This lasted until afew months ago when I eventually got a better grip of my problems.

I don't feel as 'hard done by' at the moment, me and my girlfriend been getting on great and have worked through my problems, I'm back enjoying life again!

Anyway, back to the story...

Travelling to Amsterdam, we were so excited. Not just for exploration of a new city, but for a new psychedelic experience.

Strangely, Psilocybin Mushrooms have been banned in the Netherlands for some time. However, truffels containing the exact same compounds are completely legal, albeit, in a lower concentration. But then again, we have much stronger and idiotic drug laws back in the UK.

The hostel we were staying in was magical, a real treat to the senses. Unique, boutique styled rooms, all with a different character and theme to them.
There was a room hidden behind a mirror, a room behind a bookcase and even a room in the back of a old VW camper van. Pretty cool stuff. Our room, however, was at the very center of the hotel (in the middle of the dining area actually!), a literal tram car! Possibly one from the city, before a modern replacement. It managed to fit a large double bed inside comfortably with a little bit of room for changing clothes etc. What an amazing and unique place to sleep in for the next few nights and - hopefully - host an amazing psychedelic experience in.

Whilst exploring many of the beautiful, rustic side streets of the Dutch capital. We obtained a 22g pack of High Hawaiian truffels from a nearby "head-shop". The lovely lady in the store explained to us that 5-7g would be a medium experience and 8-10g would be a strong experience.
Rather than heading back straight away, we decide to head for a couple of drinks around the center and by the time we got back to our room/tram car. We was ready to hit the hay!

I awoke the next morning and it was still early, 4.30am! Thanks to the relatively early time I fell asleep the night before.

"This is the perfect time to trip" I thought to myself in excitement.

I grabbed the small pot of HH out from my girlfiends handbag. I proceeded to eat around 15g of the alien looking blobs which had a strange texture - soft yet with a gritty chewy inside. At first they tasted like a soggy, gone-off wallnut, not a culinary masterpiece by any stretch, but somewhat manageable. However, after consuming the better half of my dose, the thought of eating much more repulsed me. I managed to force the rest down with the aid of multiple gulps of water, then I laid back next to my semi-awake girlfriend and waited for the first effects to appear.
The ''come up" seemed to take forever, I was feeling anxious about the challenging 2 or so years before and weather or not they would factor into my experience. Dont get me wrong, I was in a good place mentally, but only for a relatively short time prior.

I started looking around at the walls of our little tram car, to check for the 'breathing' effect or small orbs of light - that i had previously experienced on mushrooms. Nothing.

I decided to close my eyes and I wondered if I had been too Liberal with my dose. Then...

"Liberal, that was a Liberal dose... so much power... Power? How much power do I have... I have so much to be happy about.. 'happy' like the song by Pharell Williams... are the Williams sisters still playing tennis?"

What even was that? A random chain of thoughts running through my mind, gradually increasing in speed and ferocity. With no rational direction or even meaning.

"I'm in!" I then realised.

With my eyes closed, I begin to see a small orb of light floating around in the infinite darkness. The orb slowly grew in size and as it swam faster and faster it left a long, elegant trail of light behind like a jellyfish. I was in awe at the jellyfish-like orb flowing around a completely black and featureless void. The head of the jellyfish was arrowing through this void with a long flowing dress and tentacles trailing behind, dancing almost.

The jellyfish was a representation of me. It would swim throughout the darkness and would speed up or slow down depending on the speed of my thought at that precise moment. The direction and movements of the jellyfish orb seemed to mimic my mind - a soft graceful swim whilest the thoughts were calm and calculated. More aggressive and abrupt movements for the more serious or darker thoughts.

I cannot recall any of these thoughts, only the vibes of either positive or negative feelings etc. All in all, areally cool experience, nothing life changing... but fun all the same.

Soon, the trip then took a turn - without warning - as bizarre as it sounds, I woke up in my childhood. 1995 to be exact, I know this as I had a feeling I knew my age, I was 6! Its as if the orb of light landed on a particular thought. Then zoomed in to start a completely different reality.

I will try to the best of my ability to describe this "second phase" of my experience.

I wouldn't by any means call this an "ego-death" experience, nor did I completely loose awareness of my physical surroundings. This however, I feel was "the point" of the entire experience.
A vivid closed eye lucid dream, but with a realism and overall sense of nostalgia which is impossible to do justice in with written explanation. The whole experience feels like a reel of memories and emotions, lost to the long passage of time.

Im sure none of the events in this trip were "memories" as I was aware I was in a lucid reality.

I was stood with my mother, in our local leisure center. I feel as if I could smell the chlorine in the air as I nested into her embrace whilst she was having a conversation with another parent. My shyness comforted my my mothers presence.

There was also a boy of a similar age - stood by the other parent - who caught my attention, he started pulling faces in jest at me. Almost to break the stale air amongst the boring adult conversation between our respective mothers. I giggled uncontrollably. Not only in this super-realistic lucid dream, but also whilst laying in my bed back in the "real world". It was as if i had the ability to jump from either world into the other. Almost as if I could relay the information to a notebook (If I had been so prepared, which wasn't the case). I could interact with my girlfriend laid next to me however. I would relay jokes to her - without context - and before waiting for any sort of reply, I'd be back to my 6-year-old world again!

I was now with a group of my closest friends. I had forgotten what it was like to be this young, to have this silly, easygoing sense of humour. To not have a care in the world, to have no interests in politics or religion, dramas or society as a whole. Just to laugh with friends, to enjoy then and now without a thought of what happened before or what will happen after.

Not even living "for" the moment... just living the moment.

Whilest interacting with my friends (somewhere else now, school playground maybe? Not sure how we got here. But we will go with it).
One of the friends said "Hey Chris, ask Sam if 'Sowwi' is a real name!"... I obliged. Spawning back into the 'real world' I asked her.
"Zoe?" Sam asked. "Why are you dreaming about someone called Zoe?"...
Before I could explain, I was catapulted back to my six year old self feeling embarrassed about the misunderstanding back with my girlfriend. My friend all found this hilarious. As I realised the joke was to get me into trouble back in the 'real world'. I couldn't stop laughing.

How my two worlds could just switch, collide and interact so seamlessly. This is amazing! I never want to leave this place. I was in two different periods of my life at the same time, it was euphoric, I felt God like. Like I could control time and space in two different worlds.

For the third and final chapter of my trip. I feel like I handed over the controls to some other 'Being' a deity of sorts. This 'Being' would show me memories from my past - im not sure if these are even genuine memories, or just something my mind has made up over the course of this experience - yet the feelings were so real.

I asked this 'Being' to show me the people who I'd lost recently - it was swiftly declined.
"They are not in this time" the 'Being' said to me telepathically. I then asked to experience my late grandmother, who died when I was just 8, yet was the largest positive impact on me as a child.

My 6 year old self was then laid with my grandmother as she tucked me into bed. It was the exact bedroom I had as a child. I started to become emotional, I have waited so, so long to remember this feeling, of me with my grandmother. My childhood hero.

I was allowed time to gather this moment and process it properly. I knew she had died, I knew she didn't exist anymore, that wasn't the cause of my emotion. My emotional response was bacuse she was 'right there' in my memory, in my mind. As real as she ever was before, the pure memory of her has never left me. Even if I thought for so many years - decades even - that I'd forgotten her.

We then said a prayer, or a sort of hym together, which I cannot now recall. But at the time, it was the one moment when I realised. I remember her, more than I thought I remembered her.

This 'Being' told me that every worry I have in my life is immaterial. That all of my worries only effect me negatively and offer no solutions.
"The purpose. Is for you to remember how to live for the moment. Not to dwell on your past and not to fear your future."

I asked if I could come back - to experience this all again, be it in a dream or another psychedelic experience. "No." The Being replied "This time is done now".

Conclusion.

I hope this report makes some sort of logical sense. Its my first truly meaningful experience and - as you know - what the report often relays is maybe 10-15% of the entire experience. Most of the experience cannot be explained, maybe its not meant to be anyway? Maybe its just personal? Who knows!?

As I have been writing this, for the first time, it reads like a psychedelic version of Ebenezer Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Past. Come to think of it, thats how it felt at times.

The point of the experience was not to learn, but to remember.

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