I'll start by saying im a little new to all this. I was very hardcore anti-anything for most of my life. My little brother passed from a poly OD when he was 19. I was 22 at the time. Well, I'm 36 now and life has taken a great many massive turns in the last 15 years and so I find myself now here. More open minded, more loving, and more accepting of the world around me. I was an EMT for 10 years and im back in school now going further in my medical career. This has given me a much more broad understanding of mortality. More on that later. With basic intro out of the way I get right into this. I started tripping about two months ago with my neighbor who was the best guide anyone could have asked for. That trip (1.8 grams) was one of the best experiences of my life. So With another friend who's been listening to me talk about this for a while now we decided to go on a journey together two nights ago. She only did 1.7, I decided that i needed to go deeper and started with 2.8 which was by far the most I've ever had. I'm very light weight and Usually get mild visuals from as little as .7 grams. 2.8 was intense to say the least. I was ready for some soul searching and Really looking forward to it. It took longer than usual to set in and i was afraid It wasn't going to hit but then.. WOW did it hit. It was very very different from my first journey in that it wasn't nearly as "musical" the first time everything had a beat to it. a pulse. Very symmetrical patterns and lots of lights. This time it was more.. explosive, big bursts of visuals with no real pattern at all to them. I started to get a little motion sickness so i layed down on my bed where i have this really great soft led color'd light on my celing that pulses red/green/blue with very gradual changes between them. I got lost.. Just watching the light i completely lost time. That's when it really got wild.
My friend came and laid down beside me and we just watched the lights for I don't know how long. I could feel my breathing getting heavier and more labored, it was difficult to concentrate on my breaths and i felt like i might just stop breathing at any time. I tried not to get scared by this and told myself it was okay, let it go where it goes, don't fight it or be afraid. This was the journey after all, not all journeys are easy or even fun the entire time and i needed to embrace each moment of this and let it happen. It was around here that i felt this calling... Something or someone was calling me. it wasn't a physical voice, it was something spiritual. I felt this undeniable pull to travel. The voice i was hearing wasn't so much clear spoken words but more an outside entity imposing it self on me if that makes any sense. If I could put it into words It was like it was beckoning me to follow it " its time for you to go.. follow me, i have something to show you, you need to see this, it means everything" was the message, but again, it wasn't words.. it was understanding. Then this clear outline of a man came from my ceiling and just hovered there looking at me.. It wasn't threatening in anyway, nor did it have a face, just a clear outline. I was terrified.. but not the type of fear you have when you're in danger, more the kind of fear you have before you maybe skydive, or cliff dive. Like I was about to step into the unknown and there was no promise of return, but it was big and it was important.. I agreed to go and the entity reached down with a slow soft motion and in best terms.. "plucked" my soul from my body.. I felt my breath leave and that was it, i was gone. I was on an edge looking into this vast unknown and when i say vast i mean VAST it was overwhelmingly massive and endless.. i could see what i would best describe as constellations and nebula's in the distance, yellow's soft blues, kind of spattered about but it didn't feel like space. It felt like something more than space, more than any physical place. Maybe it was heaven, maybe it was beyond even the concept of heaven or space, regardless it was terrifying and I stopped there at the edge. the entity was floating in front of me still holding on to my soul like a string, it paused and i "felt" it ask me why i stopped, I couldn't answer. I wanted to step off the edge and i knew it was important, maybe the most important thing i would ever do. Like the answer to everything was right here and all i had to do was take this final step.. but i couldn't do it. I completely chickened out and stepped back again. The entity didn't fight but I felt like it was disappointment in me as it just sort of stood there and watched me fall back to earth.
I woke up on my floor with my neighbor and my friend comforting me, but what really struck me is, his puppy must have known i was gone because it was biting on my sleeve and tugging on my arm as if trying to pull me back. (the dogs name is be, as in "just be" ) I heard them telling that dog "good girl bring him back" and then i was there.. awake and alert, I petted "be" for a while and caught my breath. They asked me where i went but I couldn't really answer, i was just tearing up a bit and petting the dog. after that I had several more mini journey's and lots of emotions with my friend we cried watching a cello player, we laughed for what must have been an hour because i was trying to drink my tea but the can kept going through my face instead of stopping at my lips which was the funniest thing either of us had ever experienced apparently. At one point i put my head through a wall.. not physically, but i put my hands on my wall, closed my eyes and poked my head into this other place, it was dark and cool and amazing.
But.. now as I'm reflecting on all this, I'm dissapointed in myself, The trip was good, we had a great time but I feel like I let myself down by not taking that leap.. It was fear and I never let fear control me, not ever its one of the things i pride myself on, I race motorcycles, I've traveled all over the US on my bike alone, I've never said no to a journey but this time i did. I can do better. I want to find this place again and i want to take that leap, but i Fear that was my chance and i blew it.
was this even level 3? was it more i dont even know anymore. I can't stop thinking about it though.