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High Mountain Compost
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First Level 4, first not so great great experience

Learned some Lessons

This is my 6th experience with shrooms and all other times I did them with the same 2 people, people I am totally comfortable with.  One of my oldest friends came to visit with his wife and I asked them if they would be interested.  We decided to play it by ear.  When they asked if we could do them I wasn't totally in to it, in part because I am not 100% comfortable with my friend's wife, because I had been feeling a lot of anxiety about the US election, and had been feeling a little depressed in general.  It was also hot as balls out and I knew we would be doing them inside whereas I always had outdoor experiences.  Finally, I was in "host" mode meaning I had a little anxiety about making sure they had a good time, etc.

We did 2gs Penis Envy using lemon tek, though my scale is kind of lame so maybe we did more.  Previously I had maxed out at 1.75.  For the first half hour s it kicked in, we were fine, chatting and getting a little silly.  As it ramped up they asked to change the music and put on something unfamiliar.  I like chill music and they were playing rock which kind of put me on edge.  The also were very goofy and my other experiences were more chill.  So I started kind of focussing on all the changes and got a seed of worry in my head.  I also started getting anxious that my normal trip partner (my husband) was out of town and not there, and was missing him.  The colors were intensifying a lot, way more than ever before, and anything with a pattern started moving and swirling and dancing and becoming electric.  Sound was distorted and I began experiencing some paranoia and fear.  If my husband was there I would have felt safe but instead I was worried they wouldn't take care of me.  It was all a downward spiral.  They were also joking around a lot and being goofy and it annoyed me a little.  I began feeling insanely anxious and decided to just confess to them I was having a hard time and was scared.  Then I started obsessing about not ruining their trip.  I am not an anxious person at all so this was a new feeling for me.  My heart was pounding and I thought I was going to die.  

I decided to focus on being calm, closing my eyes and anchoring myself in reality by making sure they were touching me and talking.  I asked them lots of questions as I lay down and closed my eyes.  We called my husband who calmed me down a bit.  If I had to go to the bathroom I made sure they kept talking so I could remember reality.  If I opened my eyes the world was extremely hallucinogenic.  I asked them to put on some spanish guitar and I really wanted to listen to the beauty of it in silence and experience some profound emotions regarding something beautiful, but they were being silly and I was not in a position to be alone.  I tried to connect emotionally with them but felt a distance that I could not gap.  Eventually I came down in waves, and it was all OK.  I would have waves of anxiety and had to force my mind to calm in order to push trough.  

It was a bad trip but after I had no regrets.  I learned a few things:  1.  Only do them when you are into it.  2.  Be sure it is with people you are totally comfortable with, including expressing a wide range of emotions without shame, since shrooms will evoke those and you need to feel free while doing them. 3.  Understand that is is in your mind and you can keep calm and let it pass.  4  Be comfortable in your dose, including having confidence in your measurement.  5.  If you do not like the setting or music, keep an open mind about your options (like putting in headphones). 5.  Understand, as many have said, shrooms will magnify your state of mind.  If you are anxious about world events or something else, expect anxiety.

Overall I love how shrooms open your mind and give you new experiences, and will continue to use them and learn.  I will likely continue using them with my normal posse and not include others who I don't share a loving and very open relationship with.  

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