3 Gram Mushroom Trip: Satori Enlightenment, Dramatic Reevaluation and The Cosmic Perspective [Permanently Changed]
This impossible paradigm shattering galactic adventure took place by myself in my humble abode. I’m not sure which mushroom trip this was but it was probably like my 7th or 8th possibly even my 9th or 10th I’m not sure but it was hands down my most life changing eye opening psychedelic experience ever and it was during spring break of 2013. I experienced what I guess is Satori enlightenment which I didn’t even “know" about until about 6 months ago. At least that it was called that.
It’s funny how I experienced ego death and satori enlightenment when I was a teenager years before I even knew what they were.
This trip was interesting because I had tripped on mushrooms just the day before this which I had never even done before or since then. As you can probably guess I expected nothing really big or surprising to happen this time since I had just tripped the previous day. The trip I had the day before though was strange because I took 2 tabs of what I thought was LSD but ended up being some weak psychedelic that just wasn’t LSD whatever it was. It felt very lucid and like a phenylethylamine and it just made everything look like shapes. Like everything that was slightly round would become totally round and things that looked a little square or rectangular would turn into a square. I took 0.7 grams of these potent mushrooms about 2 hours into this because I weighed them out and saw I had 3.7 and figured I’d take 0.7 today to boost this weakass “LSD” trip and that’s exactly what it did. I may write a trip report about it but all that happened was the shrooms boosted whatever this shit was but I didn’t feel the shroomy effects at all it was seriously just a boost of the psychedelic effects from the tabs just more intense now. It felt kind of mentally strenuous by the end of the day and that whole 10 hour period felt like 3 days.
Anyways the next day roles around and I get up early and eat the 3 grams of mushrooms at about 8 a.m. I think it was only a few minutes after waking up and without eating anything at all. I just down it with the orange juice and I guess wait. This trip was over 3 years ago and I don’t actually remember a whole lot from it just mostly the peak and the coming down but when it actually came on I don’t fully remember and a lot of those first 2 or 2 and a half hours I just don’t remember, in some ways I feel like I’m almost not even “allowed" to remember and since I’m kind of permanently stuck in 3 dimensional reality I simply can’t remember. All I really remember those first 2 - 2.5 hours was just being hit with all kinds of thoughts and feelings and sensations that I never thought were possible and I just remember being so overwhelmingly surprised all the way up to the peak as this thing progressed. It’s like I had somehow forgotten the real power of mushrooms or I had just forgotten what the experience really was. I guess I expected just to get really high (like I always do) but I always end up coming away with an experience that is shocking and mystical and far from fun.
Never has that feeling of shock and surprise been more prominent than during this trip and since this trip I have never made that mistake again and I have never underestimated mushrooms since then. I have tried to use shrooms since then just for shits and giggles and "hallucinations" but it’s never worked. It’s like my craziest most spiritual trips would always come when I didn’t want something crazy or meaningful. Shrooms seem to really get off on surprising you, that seems to be where they get their “power".
Anyways the only thing I remember from the coming up was when I was in my room and it felt as if all the air had been sucked out. Like I could still breathe and stuff and behave as if there was oxygen around but it still felt like I was in some kind of vacuum. Something serious felt like it was coming so feeling naturally apprehensive. Looking at this lamp in my room it had this very psychedelic squiggly vaguely arabesque designs on it that is difficult to describe but for some reason when I see this now or a design that’s similar it seems very angelic and related to death or the afterlife it’s pretty hard to explain.
Well for whatever reason the designs all along the side did not catch my eye but the designs on the top did and on the top air could pass through the designs it was like they were cut out. Again this is hard to describe but as I’m feeling this strange feeling that all the air had been sucked out of the room and something big and eternal was coming and there was nothing I could do about it I saw as the designs at the top of the lamp were slightly moving but passing between the spaces of each squiggle was like this eerie mystical etheric energy and after that I don’t remember what happened.
Every time I eat mushrooms by myself I think I always lie to myself beforehand thinking I’ll just play music or go on the internet or play video games but when the trip actually hits…..all of my desire to do those things those human activities goes away and I just don’t want to deal with any of that. All I can really do is sit and observe the experience. Shrooms is like a show that just wants you to sit back and pay attention/learn.
So since this would happen I would almost always end up watching television and this is so strange because I would NEVER watch television I just did when tripping on mushrooms because it takes the most minimal amount of effort out of any activity I suppose and I don’t really have to control anything because like I said all I can really do is sit on a couch that I never sit on there and it’s not like I even know what the hell is going on the first 2 hours anyways. I think the fact that I never watch T.V. but did when I’m tripping on psilocybin was what made the trip that much more trippy and confusing and outlandish because it’s almost like what “trippy” really means is just something you’re not used to and you take a bunch of shows and commercials you’ve never seen before and add a powerful psychedelic tryptamine to the mix and it just becomes madness. Unconditioned.
Watching T.V. on mushrooms also gives you a really interesting examination of humanity and a platform to really analyze human beings and see how ridiculous they are. This was most noticeable when watching the news.
Well everything that I thought couldn’t happen of course happened because that’s what psilocybin does. Whatever you think is going to happen it will give you the exact opposite, although I have never actually gone into a mushroom trip with the intention of having a “spiritual experience” I always went in just wanting to really ‘trip balls’ and get hallucinations but it would just end up giving me extremely extremely deep emotionally profound spiritual experiences.
Baffles me how some people can just take mushrooms to get “fucked up” because I have tried so many times and it just doesn’t work. It’s too sacred it just can’t be done, it’s almost like a joke to the mushroom.
Anyways besides this examination of humanity through watching television and being absolutely blown away by what happened whatever it was I just can’t remember but things got very emotional as well. All I know is that everything leading up to the peak shattered nearly every paradigm I ever had. Never before had all my previously laid down models of reality ever been more up for debate than during this experience. The first 3 hours were just spent showing me that I was a small human being that knew nothing and that there were much stranger and more distant places in the universe, and I can’t remember what happened but it had somehow felt (mentally and emotionally) like I had gone to other realms, it felt very ancient but very science fiction too.
Since this experience I have read and seen people talk about pretty crazy kind of often nutty sounding theories or claims about psilocybin mushrooms and where they can take you; some people believing they not only take you out of 3 dimensional reality and consciousness but that they can take you to exotic nature realms, alien realms, fairy realms, sacred timeless places etc. and though that may sound just completely nutty especially the fairy realms I honestly feel since having this particular trip that I can’t really discount any of those claims because since this trip anything has seemed possible even though I am still very skeptical about many things. This is also why since this experience no trip on any substance has really surprised me that much, even mind-blowing things in the real world have yet to surprise me or perplex me like they used to. Everything from major scientific breakthroughs to unexplainable natural phenomenon and grotesquely evil violent acts nothing has truly shocked me since then. Somewhere in these first 3 hours I was just somehow endowed with the knowledge that this world can be and probably is infinitely more magical and complex and hard to understand than we can ever imagine. It crushed everything I thought I knew about the world and life and I don’t even remember over half of it.
It’s like that quote by J.B.S. Haldane that McKenna is always bringing up which is that "reality isn’t just stranger than we suppose but it’s stranger than we CAN suppose.”
This experience taught me that not only can this world be infinitely more complex and magical and confounding than I could ever have previously imagined somehow through a revelatory subjectively quintessentially connected state of mind like retrieved understanding but it taught me a very important lesson in the context of “possible" comprehension and it taught me how something can actually be beyond not just my comprehension but all human comprehension and that there’s SOOO much more knowledge and magic and beauty outside of the human experience and human comprehension and that being a human trapped in this finite human understanding is actually very limiting and somewhat upsetting but for good reason I have later come to find. Biological reasons because we are just animals and it doesn’t matter if we become aware or not because life will still move on and it’s eternal anyways. It doesn’t have a point to prove, life and keeping it going is just there. Just like how you and your awareness has no point to prove it just ‘is’
That’s a realization that you get during these experiences; that everything just is
But like I said I didn’t just go to other realms it was like I had gone to the farthest reaches and strangest corners of these 'other realms’ mentally not necessarily visually and this was only off 3 grams. Just goes to show that dose is irrelevant when it comes to a true spiritual and conscious breakthrough and transcendence. This whole experience was showing me that you don’t just have to go deep you can go deeper than deep where you can feel there is no end but you can’t see it only “know” it which makes sense because how can you see there is no end when there is no end to see? It’s just a paradox. You can’t imagine comprehending it by not seeing it either so how can you even know it and know you know it? That’s probably why they say you can’t stare into it endlessly.
But even though I went very deep and saw and learned a lot of new things mostly just relating to what could even be possible it showed me and essentially told me that I still had known MUCH less than I thought I did before this trip even though I was shown all this new stuff. Stuff that was completely anomalous from the human experience or imagination. Things too alien to put into words and apparently too alien to even remember and take back with me to this world. It’s almost like a lot of it I just can’t take back to this “ dimension" because it’s just not possible. I can’t bring 4 dimensional objects and ideas/experiences back to the 3rd dimensional space.
It exposed so many new things to me that all proved to me I knew far less and it proved to me that knowing more really is knowing less.
That’s what I like about these experiences is that they don’t just entice you with new ideas and possibilities it shows you evidence for everything. Otherwise it wouldn’t be very convincing. It being so emotional and pensively boundary dissolving probably helps out a lot too.
Anyways the peak eventually came and it’s one of the only parts I vividly remember and will honestly never forget.
My most amazing visuals were during the peak when I was watching television and it was this commercial that came on of this women and it got to the point I guess towards the end of the commercial where she was looking and smiling; I could see the pantomimic expressions and intentions of the mushroom “entities" projected onto and morphed onto the faces of the people on the T.V. and especially on her face. She had the look on her face like she was 'in on it all' and that she knew things that I didn’t and it all had to do with this mushroom trip..
But basically I could easily see what the mushrooms were trying to tell me through her facial expression and implied intent (everything is heavily implied with mushrooms and very pithy) and her face was huge but in a beautiful way and very colorful and it was coming out of the TV into the room and she was still smiling and had this look like she was smiling but secretly and like she was about to wink at me. She honestly looked like she was from some kind of spiritual hyperspace or some alien tryptamine dream dimension or some crazy complexly confounding shit. It was so spiritual.
There was also this feeling like in the middle of the T.V. was this sort of black hole thing or something or I guess some kind of colorful ancient, science fictiony but organic luminous portal of some sort and she was in the middle of it.
Meanwhile colorful Mayan but alien looking patterns were coming out of the TV on the sides of her spreading through my vision and peripherals but organically and not too fast. They looked ancient but futuristic all at the same time.
She looked like she wanted to pull me in...whatever that means but it was clearly implied that she wanted to what seemed like "take me deeper”, even deeper than I had already gone by trying to fully pull me into another dimension seemingly and it all appeared very luring and almost..sexual...It was strange. It felt otherworldly and from another dimension but slightly licentious. Well I didn't end up going deeper, I didn't go into her dimension that she was trying to pull me into but I can only imagine what's on the other side. There was a clear and colorful portal in the center of the TV that she was coming out of so it's clear that's what she wanted to pull me into. Now that I think about it I think those archaic but alien Mayan patterns were bordering the portal to the other dimension and the reason they were kind of all over the room and my vision moving was because this portal was moving and spinning like a black hole. This message the mushrooms and her were giving me during this time was just like "We showed you so much today, things you cannot imagine. Now do you really think you or any human knows what the hell is going on?"
I guess it meant that in an existential and cosmic sense for the most part. It basically told me that me and all other humans know nothing but this was intense and clear and from the Gods it felt like. It found it funny too that we think we know things or that we think we know as much as we do and this seemed to be part of the reason she was smiling. Every visual had a purpose. It was all highly detailed and motley and probably the highest quality I have ever viewed reality or mushroom visuals.
A lot of the borders around my visuals would look a lot like what Simon Haiduk puts in his artwork, same colors and similar patterns ranging from blue to purple to green or purple again and orange in some parts. It was like luminous blue/purple/green aztec or Mayan patterns lifting off everything and they were really there!
The shrooms have worn off but I still do think they’re really there in some way or another.
Her voice was extremely extremely echoey too and this whole part of the trip was very enchanting and magical and felt like there was a cosmic distance between me and the girl on the T.V. but it was so emotional and felt profound in such an unexplainable galactic primordial way and this is just where things stopped being mindfucked and crazy and unexplainable and it stated just being SUPER profound and emotional. And I mean ultra super profound. Like almost wanting to cry level of profound.
I got the infamous “coming home" feeling too which if you don’t know is the phenomenon that happens when you’re tripping sometimes where you enter a strange eternal place that is utterly alien and ‘out there’ but yet it feels somehow familiar and like you have been there a million times before and it’s comforting on a deep level, you feel secure. This was the waiting place between life and death almost. It was the most intense instance of that "coming home" feeling but this was extreme like I actually came to my spiritual home or spaceship and I was gonna stay there. Felt like I was on a spaceship in my living room but even though it felt like I had reverted wayyy far back somewhere in the past and maybe looked into the future as well time didn't seem to matter. It felt like this trip was a separate lifetime all on its own. It felt like I said in the waiting room between life and death and was very emotional because you felt like the pure afterlife was next.
It comes to the point where you realize well something had to create this experience, and it’s SO prodigious and so anomalous to what the human imagination could even conjure up or conceptualize let alone experience for itself first hand that whatever created or designed it might as well be the same force that is responsible for astronomical inflation of some kind of primordial cataclysm. If not the cause of it then just the higher dimensional intelligence or force that witnessed it.
When you begin to look at things out of complete context you realize that you’re not a human being having a spiritual experience but instead a spiritual being having a human experience and you yourself (your soul) is eternal but your humaness is just temporary and this is why these mystical spiritual states are not just so easily obtained for us because the point of life is not to awaken to your true spiritual nature the whole point is to make you forget your spiritual nature and just to experience being this human because the point of life is to move forward and create more life and more biology but the biology blocks us from seeing it all. Thats why your ego is there, it’s there for biological reasons.
Finding out that you will never really “die" can be extremely troubling for some people who don’t want to be “conscious forever” which is I think why it is never fully revealed except in these rare states which is where it is still not confirmed just heavily implied. The good thing about these states is it doesn’t just show you that your humanism is only temporary but it makes you feel content about it too. You worrying about it though is just another temporary biological trick, worry is a biological trick to keep the organism alive. Your biology isn’t there to make you happy or enlighten you it’s there solely to keep the whole show going and it’s honestly almost easier to keep the whole show going when the individual isn’t “awakened". A person cannot just be given the truth they need to be given the tools to accept such truths as well.
Eventually the part came where things began to clear up, the experience started to smooth out but remained emotional as fuck and I started getting hit with waves of realizations. It was like being shot in the face with an epiphany gun and a lot of these epiphanies cannot be explained or even learned only understood. I just got hit with the cosmic perspective, I also felt like I was in the HD galactarian version of national geographic and everything felt so alien and ancient/exotic even though I was just in my living room. It was IMPOSSIBLE. Everything that was happening was impossible and it felt so sacred and galactic that I thought I was going insane (in a good way). A lot of people think of enlightenment as maybe peaceful and tranquil but when it happens like this it’s just insane and almost too beautiful and too much to handle.
The peak and everything leading up to the peak felt like I was temporally going through space or something while losing my sense of self at least partially, I don’t think I got full ego death but then again who really knows what happened in those first 3 hours because it’s hard to remember and I know whatever it was blew my mind and exposed all the flaws in my current model of reality. Maybe it had to break it all down (my preconceptions) so that I could handle the truth when it came and wouldn’t fight it. It had to dress me up before taking me out. You just don’t find out that it’s dressing you up until it’s already done.
Coming back from this felt like coming back down to earth and felt like I returned to this realm but that I was changed or cosmically polished. It felt like going to another world or frequency changed me and my inner essence and for that short period of time I think I felt like I was more part of that dimension or galactic superspace than even this normal reality. I felt like coming back I literally had to “relearn” this dimension again and all the matter and physical laws that inhabit it. It all happened pretty quick though.
But some big things I literally had to piece it all back together even though it pieced a lot of it back together itself, but when I ‘relearned’ everything in this lower but normal dimension again it felt like I still had that timeless cosmic perspective, a completely non-human alien perspective. An almost Godly perspective like the perspective not just of an alien or something completely out of the context of humanity and terrestrial life but like the perspective of a higher power that had no biology to try an hurdle over or peak around. Ever since this trip I find I can look at things completely out of context now on a eternal cosmic scale.It’s pretty incredible, it’s also much easier to put myself in other people’s shoes, in fact it’s not even just “ easy" it’s practically unavoidable. Almost every interaction now with another person or just any instance of seeing another person/animal I pretty much always put myself in their shoes. It has become much easier to connect with people now and feel deep compassion for all the suffering in the world but now it is also much harder and much more painful now to watch or hear about violence because it’s almost impossible for me not to put myself in their shoes especially if they’re innocent.
Now when I see videos of the cartel or ISIS cutting people’s heads off in the middle of the street with people yelling in different languages and blood spilling and guts flying I can’t not put myself in the shoes of the person who is being murdered. That’s why it sucks exponentially worse when I see someone who is murdered slowly and gruesomely. However this experience did not make me a pacifist in the slightest, I still think violence is justifiable in certain situations because we’re all just animals and some people really do actually deserve it. The idea that people don’t deserve violence ever is just nothing more than a fantasy and a relative human idea to make us feel “morally intelligent” but real moral intelligence is knowing the right thing to do in the right context. Putting down all violence as a whole is an unthinking force that takes away your responsibility.
I’ve learned it completely depends on the context even though I can remove myself from any known context or dissipate the baseline to that context which people so comfortably rest on.
It’s like people using the term “far fetched”, it implies far…from what though…?
That 'what' isn’t real you just put it there because it keeps you sane on some level and psychologically comfortable to just “know” there is a baseline for such a thing. We like a ground to stand on even if our minds just created that ground to make it seem real. Whatever feels more comfortable for your biology and mental biology or well being.
Anyways… coming back and “relearning” this dimension was well…interesting because it was basically a giant reevaluation of everything in this dimension that all seemed completely normal to us before but it’s not.
It’s all crazy. Everything from lions attacking gazelles to flowers and organic compounds blooming and spreading and metal machines with rubber wheels flying down long slabs of concrete (cars) to mountains and gravity it’s ALL MAD. None of it is normal yet we’ve somehow convinced ourselves that it is. This trip completely stripped me from all my bullshit conditioning and this is when it really hit me “Ohhhh this is why mushrooms are illegal.."
Everything was being reevaluated but without an ego and my full humanness; was all just infinitely emotional; I had lived another life. I was at the epicenter of the…the…I don’t even know….The organic dream matrix maybe? Not sure what I would call it exactly but in all my trips I’ve probably ben there about 3 times. It was this unexplainable core feeling like there was 'bigger things at work' and I was a small part of it.
I explored all of humanity and nothing since this experience has really surprised me. I even felt the suffering of all of humanity. It was quite sad, not a happy path to enlightenment just cosmic and endlessly/exotically crazy. Egoless as well.
I remember the news came on and there was like this fire or something happening somewhere in my state and I felt sooo bad for all those in its way, it had me at the edge of my seat very emotional and concerned sitting there as another sentient cosmic-bound being thinking well we can’t do anything to stop the wrath and force of mother nature because it’s all part of it but we as humans must ban together and be a team, it doesn’t matter if you know someone personally or not be on the same team. There’s no reason not to be on the same team!
There’s no reason you shouldn’t help another human being with anything, what is it gonna be a inconvenience to you? That’s a lie there’s no such thing as an inconvenience when you’re helping others because you simultaneously help yourself in the process and any small part of you that says it doesn’t is just your ego trying to drag you back down to where it brought you. The minute someone can see the ego is a trap that’s when they have transcended what their biology has tried to curse them with.
We are all in this together and the fact that we forget that is so stupid that it’s sad and a tragedy and not in just a biological sense but a spiritual sense. We are all one team and the ego has made us forget this. There is no separation between us you are part of everyone and they are part of you and their pain is your pain and your triumph is everyone else’s triumph.
Things were very VERY hyperreal and HD at this point more HD than they have ever been in any of my trips, it was almost scary. The sacred megalithic tryptamine faces were appearing on the walls like they usually do.
This is when the emotional compassionate part began to fade, the soulful connection to the rest of humanity began to transition into just pure euphoria and bliss. It felt like MDMA in many aspects (the euphoria) but just much much better and obviously more natural feeling. It felt like God’s ecstasy or alien ecstasy from another dimension but the euphoria was INTENSE. It was insane so insane that it actually made me feel sad because it felt like I didn’t deserve it it was too good. Too positive and too optimistic and I could feel the mushrooms were so happy and cheerful. They had LIKED me going through the pains of humanity and feeling deep empathy and that this sadness I was feeling was actually a good thing, to them at least. Me being sad about the world’s pain made it happy and it made me happy but so happy that it actually made me more sad because I was just a measly human in the face of pure cosmic bliss. It was a psychological rollercoaster.
At this point I was so intensely rejuvenated and full of what felt like the light from God and I was extremely light, energetic and clearheaded. To this day I have never been more clearheaded, not on anything not even close. Everything just made sense and there was no more “bad” the darkness was just an illusion. Just a contradiction of the ego of course put there for survival reasons.
Well at this point the visuals were beyond amazing and too beautiful to forget because of how rich and detailed they were, it’s almost like I can somehow see them in my everyday life with the right attitude but at the same time not really. It’s just that you can’t unsee stuff like that.
The euphoria was strong but perfect and I was flippng through channels and landed on this show called Bates Motel.
I had never heard or seen of it prior to this just like all the other shows and commercials I saw that day which only added to the craziness of the trip and it was the episode where this fat crazy looking guy breaks into the “hotel” I guess and he seems to be malicious and creepy as hell and the main character played by Vera Farmiga has a knife and stabs him over and over and over again and the blood is so dark that it looked black almost and I just start dying laughing like almost uncontrollably to the point where I fall on the floor holding my stomach and I just think it’s one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Just so much laughing. I was so euphoric.
It then goes to this kind of commercial break but shows a small thing having to do with the show and I think like a preview and basically kind of explains what it’s about through visuals and shows the lady and her son floating on a lake or something in a boat to dispose of the body mother and son..
At this moment I kind of return back to the compassionate headspace of humanity and its bad acts like what..the fuck this world is crazy. What is all this stuff? Mothers and sons killing people and hiding from the law together?
But the trip was soo euphoric and felt so good I felt like I matured quite a bit but also felt like a rejuvenated superhuman. I was so free and it felt like I was on spiritual super ecstasy. This is around the time when my friend who I usually trip with wanted to hang out or something. He didn’t know I had done shrooms that day and he texts me saying something like about a joint he gave me and that I had probably smoked it but I hadn’t yet. I forgot to mention I had a joint in my drawer that was in a clear see through joint wrap so it looked kind of strange and even though I had planned on smoking it during that trip by myself I hadn’t yet. I don’t think I could bring myself to do it, the trip was too mystical and alien and just way too powerful to face a joint. But I was feeling euphoric and like I was on the best damn organic ecstasy ever so I decided I wanted to smoke it with someone else, another person and that person being him.
He came over and brought the movie Altered States with him. Like I said he didn’t know I was on shrooms and he said he just got this movie for cheap from the swap meet or somewhere and he didn’t really know much about it. Well I did and I explained to him that it was a little crazy shortly after telling him that I was on shrooms. He’s like “Oh really ha how much did you take?” and I said 3 grams and he said “Oh…so..you’re like really tripping" and I was like oh yea but didn’t really convey at all how absurdly crazy and beautiful my trip was to him. As far as he was concerned I was just "really high”
Sober people even if they’ve tripped before tend to forget how crazy and powerful it is and this is back when we were relatively inexperienced with psychedelics and I don’t think he had a clear grasp on what tripping actually was back then even though he had done it several times before. It was like he had forgotten and I don’t blame him because every trip leading up to this one I had forgotten as well.
If you only do mushrooms a few times you tend to forget how profound, revelatory and mystical it is when you’re not on it.
He said “soo are you like hallucinating? haha” and I just kinda laugh and never really answer him. Every time I’m in a trip and some sober person asks me if I’m hallucinating it for some reason becomes so hard for me to say “yes I’m hallucinating. Yes I’m seeing and feeling things that don’t exist. I have no basis to say that but it’s a guess.”
I just never can admit it while on it, not on acid either. I mean what is a hallucination anyways and how do we know what’s real or really there anyways?
Anyways I show him the trailer on my laptop for Altered States to show him how crazy it is (because I really didn’t want to watch it) and I was just like “ya I’m not sure if you really wanna see that….descent into madness” and I was just being really witty and humorous.
Eventually we go outside to smoke the joint and the visuals just get insane.
Everything began to come alive and very very colorful and vivid. Things didn’t just have faces sacred looking faces on them but they had personalities too. We walk from the side of my house eventually while still smoking it and go to my garden and the visuals become SO intense and organic/detailed.
The colors were SO bright and things were soo HD
After this my friend was like talking about going to the dealers house and getting more weed to smoke another joint and even though I felt great and really really wanted to my maturity kicked in (like I said earlier) I knew I was already on another planet and told him I had to work on something for school that day and I was already “too high” so I couldn’t smoke anymore. We eventually go back inside and I am just so high. Mentally I was pretty fine but visually things were still crazy and mentally/emotionally things still felt very otherworldly and heavenly. I also felt like I was on a viking boat at one point walking through my family room while the lights were super bright and my whole house felt like it was rocking back and fourth and I couldn't even walk across the family room without stumbling.
My friend I think wondered what was going on or maybe he didn’t but to him I was just saying things that didn’t make sense like “it’s rocky seas" and this rocking or the feeling that I was on a boat felt like a major side effect of going waaaay out my mind and back into my mind. When I came back down it sounded a lot similar to how people describe coming back from a DMT blast where it's like this coming back down to earth feeling and you can kind of reevaluate everything and 'relearn' everything in this dimension but with a cosmic perspective that is completely adjacent to time.
Basically all that happened after this was we watched some more T.V. and he eventually left and…well..nothing was the same again. I know I barely even explained the “Satori” part but I didn’t want this to be too long. If I named all the things I found different after this trip or Satori awakening it would be just as long as this whole trip/ I’m also probably failing to explain just how much I learned and how profound and eye opening it really was but it’s just impossible anyways. Also for some reason it’s much much harder to drink alcohol now after this trip. I don’t know why; the bitter taste is just so intense now and alcohol’s physical harmful effects I can feel much easier now. Sometimes when I drink now I can actually feel it fucking up my insides.
Aside from this though I also somehow felt I had learned more in this 5 or 6 hour period than I ever had in my whole life. It was all magic and felt this experience put the seal of approval on my whole previous life. I almost feel like life didn’t even start until I had this experience, it felt like I was just half awake or half asleep leading up to this and now I am fully awake and can’t even go back to sleep if I try. I felt gaining a hold of the cosmic perspective is a rare tool/opportunity that may be the most important and useful out of any opportunity because looking at things out of context is incredible and a gift. I now find it much easier to step outside of my “humanness” and see things from a purely cosmic perspective and that’s the real trip. The real trip comes when you realize life IS the trip and you no longer need psychedelics to see it.