3rd Trip, Day I cracked.

[7:10 A.M.]

I was chilling with my friend before school in the car, jamming to some tunes :) and I asked for some shrooms. I wanted to trip.

I had tripped 2 times before, only eating like 2.5 grams, so I let him know that my second trip wasn't as good as the first one, that I was probably building some sort of tolerance quickly. 

So he gave me 5 grams, and warned me not to take them all. I didn't listen, I wanted to see the limits of what I could handle

[7:20 A.M]

I went to the bathroom when 1st period start, and ate every last cap, and forced all the dust I could scrounge from the bag. I went back to my class (which was a class online, so all I had to do was go to a computer and work online, and talk to a few of my friends.) 

[7:45-7:50 A.M.]

I was talking to my buddy, when I suddenly started to feel a little strange, and a tad bit sick. My stomach felt like there was a lot of pressure inside. I went to the bathroom again, and sat in the stall, waiting to see if I was going to throw up or not, but luckily I didn't. I looked at the graffiti filled walls, and watched the stupid little drawings move, and flip around in different shapes. I got a little nervous, and looked down a the floor, and saw the tiles popping off the floor, and spinning in different directions. I had a huge grin, and knew this was gonna be a crazy ass day.

[8:00 - 9:45 A.M.]

I went to a few of my other classes, not really talking, but claiming to my friends, that none of the notes made sense, and that this was insane. I would laugh a shit ton, like I was trying to squeeze every ounce of air out of my lungs with laughter. I was definitely having fun, but something in the back of my head wasn't sitting right. I experienced more crazy closed eye visuals, and the typical patterns and such, until my accounting class. 

This is where things started to get a little fucked up. We had been working on this group assignment for a few days, and I sat down with my group to work on it. I was constantly copying the words down. (Its an accounting class, so we did a lot of general ledgers and such.) Then I had the deja vu, and I freaked out (in my head). Everything we were doing, it was all the same thing, which is obvious, we were working on a project. But my mind was not accepting that at all, (Remember I was on drugs here.) I couldn't find the meaning behind this deju vu. Think about it, we go through school, to go to college, or pursue our career. But none of it was making sense. Like the words I copied down on my paper, the letters, the numbers, they all had this universal code I was trying to figure out. It blew my mind. I couldn't accept anything. 

I was dumbfounded on this concept, as my mind was on a heavy dosage of drugs. But I continued my day. I sat at lunch, my friends all knew I was fucked up. And I wanted to go home. I had asked one of my friends to take me home, anyone. I was freaking out. Everyone was super stressed, and shocked. I left the lunch room and sat in the bathroom in my own little world till the next period. 

Government class...

This is where it all happened. I was so out of it, I looked to the girl next to me, and said, "Am I ok?" and she said, "No you're not, you need to get your life together." I looked down at my notes, which made absolutely no sense what so ever, looked back at her, and asked if I should leave. She said, "If you want to." (She was a friend, but she would get pissed at me when would be on drugs, because she really wanted to see me turned around.) So you could say she was kinda annoyed. 

I got up, to talk to my teacher, and asked if I could go to the office. 

I was so fucked up, I walked out of the doors, and said, "fuck it." 

[12:00 P.M.]

Now I live about 7 miles from the school, and I was gonna walk that entire distance. I was lost in my thoughts, I had no idea what was going on. But something clicked. To this day I don't really know if it were an experience I wasn't supposed to experience, or my mind just going insane. But basically the best way to describe it, was I had this insane delusion, that everything that happened in this life, was because my conscience said it so. So I'd be walking down the road, and a car would pass, and I'd think, "Oh that car? My mind just made that up." I thought that life was a simulation, that nothing was real, that everything in that we see, feel, and smell, wasn't actually happening, and that my mind was just projecting these things. It makes no sense, but somewhere, part of it does. I'm so confused about the topic, because part of me, thinks that I just went insane, but another part of me, thinks that there's something to it. 

(If someone would like to give some insight, or some knowledge of a similar experience, please!)

So, with this fucked up ideal in mind, I got on my phone and called random people I knew, telling them to leave school, or to come hangout with me. They'd be like, "Im in school, I can't leave." and I'd be like, "None of that matters, cause nothing is real." 

I got like 3 miles down the road, and I passed this nice neighborhood. This is were I started acting like a lunatic. I would stop walking every now and then, and start waving, and smiling to the cars. Lol, people were looking at my like I was crazy. I went up to this random house, rang the doorbell, and some old lady came up, and she asked what I needed. I said, "I dont know." I faded back to reality at this point, and started realizing I was being crazy, and my delusion (nothing is real, my life is because my mind made it that way-kinda thing) started fading, and she asked me who I was, and I said, "I have no clue.' I left, and the delusion came back, and I thought to myself, "She only asked me that, because my mind said she was gonna say the complete opposite of what I thought she was gonna say." Makes no sense right?

So I started laughing really loud like a psychopath, and ran down to a pound, and threw my bookbag in a lake. I then smoked a few cigarettes, laid down on the side of the road, and closed my eyes.

[1:00 P.M.]

I knew this was gonna happen, the shrooms were slowly wearing off, and the cop came to my aid. He asked me if I was alright, and I asked if he was real. He said, "Yes." And I started fading back to real life. I still made no sense, and he knew I was on drugs, and he arrested me. He went through my phone, found my friend who gave them to me, and had him arrested as well. He took me home. (I only cared about being safe.) I went to lay down, after he had talked to my dad. My dad came in my room, and I gave him a big hug, and was still shocked. I mean, I don't know, I guess it just freaked me out, that I was so close to being on the edge to doing something crazy. And I never could understand why I felt that way about life. I'd like some insight to some more experienced members about this. Luckily for me, I'm on house arrest, and have a couple felony charges to pay, and expelled from school (doing online classes), but Im not gonna abuse shrooms like that again. But lemme know what you think. Call me an idiot all you want, that amount of drugs, changes a person. And it changed me into a lunatic that day, and thats not someone I ever want to face.