a story about how mushrooms forced me to follow my life dreams
The following story is about the day my life changed in a positive way as a result of a very powerful mushroom trip.
About 6 months ago I was living in Indonesia working as a surf instructor. The job was amazing, surfing all day, hanging out with beautiful European girls, and living in an island paradise. Also mushrooms are more or less legal in indonesia, and very easy to get a hold of (Horray!).
I had previously taken mushrooms about 10 times, it was the perfect day off activity as i would usually take a dose then go exploring the island, hang out on the beach , just generally enjoying the trips in the outdoors. I even took to surfing while tripping (highly reccomended if you are a confident surfer who isnt going to drown!) I found that the shrooms would enhance the already incredible indescribable feeling surfing gives you, and as a high level surfer it alowed me to access the depths of my ability (id love to talk to a sports physcologist about this benifit, I guess it has somthing to do with controlling state anxiety and not thinking / trying too much, just letting your natural ability take over). Anyhow, Id had alot of fun with these trips of varying stregnths, and had nothing but warm positive experiences.
I had been givien a couple of days off work, and all my friends had taken off to another island for a couple of days of partying. I decided to stay behind as I was going to meet up with a girl Id met and show her some of my favorite spots around the area. this left we with a free afternoon and I decided to get some mushrooms, trip all afternoon then meet her for a a drink later that night when the shrooms had worn off.
I jumped on my moterbike and rode 20 minutes of potholed dirt roads to see my guys shop who usually had good shrooms. When I got to his shop he wasnt there. "u wan mushroom mista?" said a kid who looked about 10 years old. "yes I want one bag thank you" I spoke in indonesian, hoping I wouldn't be charged "tourist" prices. His mother came back with a bag about the same shape and size as my forearm, they looked very strong and were riddled with blue veins (no idea of doseage size or species perhaps someone out there has a better idea?) they were cap shaped. We haggled in a mix of indonesian and english for a couple of minutes, And i ended up paying about $5 US for the bag. "Be carefull, Very strong!" she said as i walked away 'Sure, thats what they all say' I thought to myself as I kickstarted the bike and shot up the road, shrooms secured safely in the under seat compartment.
When I got back to my house I went to see my neibour to see if he was keen to get involved with the afternoons activitys, But he said the shrooms usually gave him a bad stomach and he was feeling a bit delicate that day. Oh well more for me! I rode down to a local shop, brought two small bottles of orange juice, went home, threw the whole bag of shrooms in with the juice and mixed it all in a blender. It actually didnt taste too foul, I think it was because of how fresh the shrooms were? but i held my nose any way and forced down two large cups of mushroom juice concoction .
Some say that vitamin C makes the trip mellower, but in my experience this isnt the case, I dont think it makes a difference, if anything it enhances the experience (theres no science going into this opinion, just experience from what I can judge)
Anyhow, the first half an hour i feel nothing, Its always a gamble as some trips come on quickly and others take a while. Im not phased untill at the 5o minute mark im still feeling nothing. This is shit, I think and thought I shouldve used the mushrooms in a fancy pasta dish to impress my new lady friend rather than attempt to create some sort of phycidallic nature experience.10 minutes later I am starting to come up like a barstard. I am looking at my computer screen when Suddenly I cannot focus at ALL! Sounds from outside seem faint and distant. I start to sweat and feel a bit nauseous. I dcide a cold shower is in order and make my way into the simple shower room (its essentially just a room with a mirror and a bamboo pipe which shoots water out and serves as a way of getting the sweat off your body, which will promptly return as soon as you dry yourself off.
I take my clothes off and dive under the shower and O MY GOOOOD!!!!! the feeling is amazing, im splashing in and out of the torrent, putting my head under and opening my eyes to see the cascade of water as a screen filtering my world which is rapidly disolving any sence of reality I previously had!
This is the best shower of my life. Im having so much fun its ridiculous. after 5 minutes of water park-like rapture, I close my eyes and can see visualizations of beings holding their hands over me, holding me in place (like how you might hold a lava lamp, one hand on top, the other supporting the bottom). There are 3 of these 'beings'. I open my eyes they disappears , close my eyes they are back in front of my. I am still smiling and excited by the shower experience and have the peice of mind to open and close my eyes a few times, thinking to myself "wow how weird!!"
I get out of the shower and head back to my room, tripping hard now, but feeling good. I struggle to get into some clothes and instead decide of a sarong for comfort and ease of access!
This is where things start to really get strange.
My mind start to turn over 100 miles an hour. Before I can even start to think about a concept another one appears. It feels like my brain has an unlimited capacity. I step outside of my room and look up at my bamboo roof and it appears to be textured in a way ive never seen before. Then all of a sudden my ideas start to become visualized on the Roof! I see links and brainstorms and the actually ideas themselves as tangible objects and I feel as if some sort of entity is trying to show me something with this process.
I am pacing back and forth staring at the roof like some sort of mad scientist. I must look like a mental patient . I see my dreams and ideas of where Id like to be later in life and feel like I am being told I have a huge capacity to work hard at something, and that at that time I was not using my potential, I was stuck in a enjoyable lifestyle that was not moving foward, I was static. Each day, although enjoyable, was groundhog day.
I went back into my house and the trip kicked up another level. I was being showen by somthing that a change HAD to be made by me, or , it would be make FOR me. I also had the ability to sence a energy which I cannot describe... but somthing like the concept from avatar that everything in the world is connected by this energy in some way. In still dont understand this at all maybe some of you have had similar feelings whilst tripping? At the time I felt like I could tap into and use this unlimited resource whenever I needed it. A also had an OVERWELMING sence of gratitude for being shown these things by noone in particular. I had the feeling that I needed to stop hesitating and move back home, to realise my dream of owning my own adventure bussiness.
I felt like it was getting to be too much, I felt like I needed to get out. I grabbed sunglasses and stepped outside onto the dirt road of the main street and HOLY SHIT!! there was a group of Indo's gathering around my bike and taking another bike apart. My bikes being stolen I though to myself in paranoia, And quickly headed in the opposite direction, leaving them to it. There was nothing I could do about it in this state! I walk up the road about 50 meters, heading for the isolated safety of a beach around the corner people rarely visit.
I come round the corner and lo and behold I bump into Lisa, the girl I was meeting for drinks later that night! Im in no state to have a convosation with her so I brush past managing to mumble out a few key words like 'going to beach see you later'! thank god for the sunglasses.....
I begin to make my way around the rocks, Which is becoming an increasingly difficult task. The landscape I know well has changed and the once sturdy and reliable rocks seem to move and attempt to throw me off balance with each step I take. In make it to the beach after a 5 minute rubber legged scramble around the rocks, but when I get onto the beach it seems to have taken on all the charateristics of the moon, and it is also moving, like a bouncy castle. It has rocks scattered everywhere to kick my toes on and the laws of gravity dont seem to apply to this new landscape.
I struggle about 200 meters up the beach, my feet sinking into soft sand and stummbleing clumsily in the hot sun. I start to feel sick again. im too hot, I decide to go for a swimm but immidiatly regret it as I seem to become a part of the water as soon as I dive into the ocean. My limbs dont function properly. A professional lifeguard reduced to a flailing 3 year old! I manage to touch the seafloor with my feet and edge my way back to shore.
I am really starting to feel sick. My limbs are losing function, I am struggling to walk. I am starting to freak out. Thoughts like "those mushrooms were poison" And "maybe this is it, maybe this is the end" and starting to cross my mind. I drop to the sand and sit staring out at the bay. The ocean Is unbeleivably blue and radient. The late afternoon light has painted the adjacent landmass gold and pink. everything looks incredibly beautiful and I think to myself this isnt a bad sight to be my last.
NO FUCK THAT!!!!! I MUST LIVE!!!!!!! I need to get back home and call my friend, hes a tripper from way back he'l know what to do. I slowly start to make my way back home along the beach and start to feel a little better. I sit down on a rock to compose myself. After a few minutes I notice there are an unusually large number of indo's in boats heading out towards the mouth of the bay. I hear moterbikes coming...... all of a sudden a local pops around the corner. He doesnt see me at first but We supprise each other when he lays eyes on me as i see a flash of fear in his eyes. We reccognise each other and I manage to ask him where hes going, He spits out somthing I dont catch but points up at the hill where my friend fernando has a house, then takes off running in that direction.
O FUCK! THEY ARE AFTER FERNANDO! I remember him telling me that if immigration showed up asking questions to tell them a cover story he had made up, His legal status in indonesia was questionable at best. In jumped up and took off running towards his house. Im nowhere near the trail that leads up to his house so I decide to go offroad and bushwack my way through about 200 meters of jungle, straight uphill. after about 50 meters of snake invested jungle travel, I come to my sences and decide its not a smart idea. Im thinking a little clearer now. I sit down in a small clearing lookig out over the ocean and slowly start to get a grip on reality again.. after about 45 minutes the sun has almost set and I have got my shit together again. Just as its getting dark I make my way over to fernandos trail, and follow it up over the hill past his house and back to mine.
I sat and processed the experience on my porch when I got back. A feeling of relief and extreme contentment was settling over me. I relaxed and went to lie down in bed where I fell into a deep sleep, waking up 12 hours later .
I tried mushrooms a couple of times after this and they didnt do ANYTHING. Maybe the dose I took was significant enough that I cant trip from a regular dose now.... not sure.
What The experience gave me which stuck with me is that It showed me I was no longer on my path and following my destiny and I was stuck in a rutt of pleasures which added up to something like happiness. 6 weeks I was pushed out of indonesia by a double crossing local who wanted me gone, and reported my working visa status to immigration. However I couldnt help but feel It was somthing eles at work. I left indonesia and returned home, where I did what I never had the balls to do : open my own bussiness.
I am convinced that this experience was directly related to me developing the confidence to follow my dreams.
Id love to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience or has some questions for me! I havent tripped since this and to be honest, have to real desire to do so for now. I saw what I needed to see and couldnt be happier:)