I have been experimenting with psychedelics for a while now. At the beginning I took LSD, starting with 1 tab and eventually taking up to 7 at once. Which is a whole story in itself that I will not be getting into. I then started taking 25c-NBOMe and eventually stopped because all of these things were causing me to panic. Once I stopped all drugs (including mj) I continued to have paranoia, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, etc (the relevance of this will be demonstrated later). I waited a while and about a month ago I finally decided to try Magic Mushies ;) So here is how it went;
Me and a good friend (the one I always trip with) picked up 7.5g dry of Penis envies. Split them evenly and cut them into small pieces.
I ate mine by taking pinches and downing them with coke, my friend chewed his with steak. I avoided eating because I wanted to avoid stomach problems and come up quicker. We went up to my room to hang out and ride the come up. Got on my xbox and started playing some COD. About 20 minutes later I began to feel weird. I let him play and I went and laid on one of my beds. I was shaking (I am not sure if I was cold) so I turned off my fan. I was beginning to get extremely scared that I was going to have an attack and began to panic. So I started talking to my buddy about random stuff. Then a few minutes later I thought to myself 'I am in control. I am not going to let something silly scare me. What am I even worried about?' With that in mind I suddenly felt fine and extremely giddy.
I could definitely feel the trip coming on. Both of us were extremely happy. We could not stop smiling. We played split screen call of duty. (nothing better to do.)
Began to really notice visual hallucinations. Images appeared to overlap themselves and then shift slightly to the side. Like double vision but just barely offset from the original image. Continued playing call of duty. Extremely happy. We were laughing about silly things almost constantly. I remember we had one real good laugh that had me on the floor gasping.
Suddenly both of us were experiencing the onset of loss of understanding and feel for time. We couldn't grasp 'WHEN' we took the shrooms. We were also forgetting when we had done certain things in the game. Suddenly my friend told me he was experiencing a sort of loop (which we both HATE - too many loops on acid) and for a brief second I began to fall into a loop. But I stopped it and said 'NO! No loops. Call of duty.' So we agreed and continued to play. Eventually this grew to be futile and we were just standing around dying. So we cut it off.
Music. More music. Amazing godly music. We put on some reasonably volumed music (as not to wake up my parents) and both laid on my carpet and just tripped. It was great. After each song we described the extremely awesome stuff we experienced. After a few songs we moved to my beds to chill and listen to music (I have two twin beds). During one song I was looking at my bed side table and I distinctly remember it separating into two tables and one drifting off a good bit. The visuals were getting quite interesting at this point. After a few songs we moved back to my floor to use the computer.
We were now surfing youtube and pandora for cool songs and just tripping out to each of them. There was one point where I looked at my buddy while I was laying on my floor like an idiot and trying to describe his hair color. Every time I decided on a color it ended up being something else. It was quite funny. His face turned an odd shade of green at one point as well. More music.
We always like to keep looking at our eyes in the mirror. Mirrors are quite interesting. We went into my bathroom and stared into it for a bit. He decided to leave but my bathroom was another world and I wanted to explore the world for a bit. It was a very foreign place to me, but amazing. For some reason I was extremely bothered by any dust, stains, debris that I saw. Not disturbed enough though to cause amplified bad emotions. Just disturbed in a way that I kept noticing them. Everywhere. But at the same time the world I was in was an interesting color. Almost greenish when it should have been white. I looked out the door into my room and the carpet was purple. I quickly called my friend over and we eventually managed to attribute the purple color to one of the light bulbs in my bathroom having a different tint than the rest (this may have been partly true but days later I checked and there is no purple - just a slightly different shade of white o.o)
Time for some trippy youtube videos! I have a 46in lcd in my room so we put on some HD trippy videos and went to town. It was pretty cool. I didn't experience any overwhelming emotions during them (which I occasionally did on 25c-NBOMe and LSD - Overwhelming in the sense that I had to stop the video and walk away because I couldn't take it). However the videos were quite odd and convinced me that it this point I was tripping pretty hard.
More call of duty! We are not even playing. Just went into party games and walked around like idiots. It was extremely fun though. Me and my friend suddenly found ourselves sharing bottles of water as if they were drugs. In the past we would always go into my closet and smoke bowls out my window. But I can not smoke anymore. It was sort of a ritual though. And we treated the water like the bowls we shared. It was extremely funny. And I was like 'dude... we are sharing a bottle of water'. His response was 'don't analyze man. Just let it happen' It was good enough for me. We ran out of water and filled it up in the sink. Typically I do not like sink water. But this became quite an interesting taste. So we just kept on with our merry business. Suddenly I had a revelation about coke (the drink). More like soda in general but it was brought on by a coke can I saw near me. It was something along the lines of how in nature animals have water. And how we are animals. But we are such weird animals that we take that water and turn it into a brown sticky sludge that we all love and drink. It was essentially looking at how odd the behavior of humans is and how we destroy nature. I tried to explain it to my friend but couldn't properly put the idea into words. It bothered him that I could not tell him but I promised him I would tell him what it was eventually (I did a few days later once I made sense of it). I could tell it was really bothering him that he didn't know what I was thinking about so I changed the subject to call of duty.
We both think we are growing tired. At the beginning we knew we would not be sleeping that night but for some reason we convinced ourselves that we were probably tired enough to fall asleep. So we cleaned up shop. Put things away, got my room all situated to go to sleep. Just as I would on a normal night. My friend laid down and I was still doing stuff like turning on fan, moving cans to trash can, etc. I suddenly found myself repeating this in my head;
"You'll be fine. This is just a regular night. You have control. Reality is here. Your still in reality. Don't lose touch with reality. You've got this. Just a regular night..."
This is when things fell apart. At this point I had no sense of time so from here on out it is mostly a blur.
So the lights were off and the only thing on was my TV and Xbox. We decided to put on some netflix to watch while we fell asleep. When the netflix menu was presented we had the option of regular netflix vs children's netflix. The colors on the children's side looked awesome so we chose it. For ease we clicked on the first thing that came up. Fosters home for imaginary friends. S1 E1. This was easily one of the worst decisions I ever made. I was still trying to hold on to reality, which was a mistake, because for some reason trying to hold on only made me slip more. And then Fosters... oh fosters.... the episode we picked ended up being an extremely frantic episode with lots of yelling and screaming and colors and sounds repeating. Before I knew it I was FREAKING out. The show was scaring the living hell out of me. Every character was horrible and awful. Almost evil. I couldn't stand it. I was losing control. So I looked over to my friend as said 'yeah... I'm turning this off.' He looked back and said 'I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner'. We were essentially in mutual agreeance that it was freaking us out. So now the room is dark. MISTAKE 2. I absolutely LOST it. MY mind was gone. My bed became a foreign place that I did not want to be in. My sheets felt strange. I hated them. My mind left this dimension to an equally awful place. High pitch music was playing rapidly in loops. I couldn't stop it. Many auditory hallucinations. My eyes were closed at this point and I was seeing things more awful and vivid than I could have with my eyes open. But I couldn't open them because I was no longer in control. I was not human. I was just a part of the madness. The insanity. I was going crazy. And then it dawned on me that this had happened before once (on 7 hits of acid). I had forgotten that I had lost control (because at the time I just thought it was a really weird scary trip and I just rode it out - don't get me wrong though it sucked. Haven't done acid since.) So at this point I was horrified. THIS was happening again. The crazy was back. I knew the feeling and I was so scared. I reached for my phone on my bedside table. My arm was miles long. I started at my arm for a few seconds and slipped right back into the insanity. Sounds, pictures, everything rapid. So fast and so much. All of it foreign and unwanted. I have no idea how long this continued for (I a sure I checked the time but I can not remember). I had a strange feeling my buddy was not fairing so well either. Just by the look of insanity on his face. Suddenly he gets up and says he needs to go to the restroom. When he did this I turned on my light and just sat there with my head in my hands waiting for him to return. When he got back I ran to the bathroom to puke.
This was quite weird. And this has now happened twice on shrooms and I have seen the same thing. When I puked the toilet water almost immediately turned a strange dark greenish color. The pieces of shrooms were essentially little black orbs. At first the spread out into a 2D grid in the toilet water. Suddenly that 2D grid of little black orbs turned 3D and was essentially a matrix of black dots surrounded by white/clear stars of light. Thousands of them. At the time I was like like 'well... that's interesting' But I was still in the middle of the bad trip. I wanted time to go by faster. So of course it slowed down. I looked online for ways to end the trip early, only to be greeted by stuff like 'good luck buddy'. This made it worse. I knew this was going to be a shitty few hours. I kept trying to talk myself down. Remind myself I would be fine later. That it would all stop eventually. But it did not matter. It was AWFUL.
So I returned to my room. My buddy and I began to talk. We both determined that we had gone completely insane and were losing it. This was my second time going 'crazy'. It was his first. We made a pact never to do shrooms again (this is a pact we have ended up making all 3 times we have done them - I am doing them again tomorrow). We felt horrible. If we laid down, we would slip right back into it. So we tried talking. Sort of to keep us in reality. I kept saying don't let me go back man. I can't go back. Eventually we decided to play call of duty zombies until we could come down. We played for a while and suddenly my dad comes in my room. At this point it is somewhere between 6:30 and 7:00. Our pupils were huge. My dad says 'What on earth are you doing???' I quickly say 'Sleepover dad were playing xbox get out of my room' he says 'turn it down' and leaves. I sat there for about 1 minute. Got up. Walked to the bathroom. Puked more. That literally scared me sick. I was not entirely back in reality until about 8:15 at which point we began to talk about what the fuck just happened and determined that we would do them again soon (because we are just stupidly awesome like that). My friend left for work at 9:00, and I finally slipped into the slumber I oh so desired.
All in all it was a good trip. The way I see it everyone needs to 'lose it' at least once. Its a really different experience. It is extremely hellish but at the same time there is nothing else like it. The rest of the trip was great though. And the best part was since that day I have not had a single problem with paranoia, anxiety, or panic. Prior to the trip whenever I had an attack I felt like I was losing control. Then I finally lost control (tripping). And now I laugh at anxiety. It was nothing and it no longer effects me. I'm back in charge ;)