Yup, a drug addict is a completely different person from the woman you fell in love with. It's hard to separate those two identities when feelings are involved.
You and the children grieved once when you separated and now you are grieving again. I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's clear that you really loved her and wanted the best for your family, through all the tough times and emotional turmoil, you did your best.
Continue writing, that's always helped me process my pain and it seems to have helped you. The pain will lessen with time though it won't be a linear progression. Someday years from now, you might break down crying suddenly over her. That's completely normal. Remember to give yourself grace.
The last thing I want to say is that sometimes it's not possible to get closure from the person you have a grievance with. What you can do in these situations is to roleplay the scenario in your head. Imagine how you would approach them and what their response would be, the entire conversation. You could even do it as a string of letters. If it's cathartic for you, you could eventually burn them or throw them away, as a symbol of when you are finally ready to let that pain go.
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