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Offlinebouopa
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Reged: 03/28/23
Posts: 6
Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip
      12/15/23 01:21 PM

I did only 2.17g (dried) golden teacher this time whereas I'd done almost 3g before, but this was from a different supplier and definitely more intense. I'm looking for any input as I don't know what's typical and whether my experience makes sense…

I'm doing it with a trip sitter (and I see an integration therapist later) to try and heal some bad habits, PTSD from childhood SA, and a severe eating disorder I've suffered from for many years (I've tried several treatments, from inpatient hospitalization in my early 20s which included CBT therapy, lots of eating disorder therapy, family therapy, and trauma therapy and EMDR, to DBT, SSRIs, Neurofeedback, and alternative and holistic treatments, etc.)

When the shrooms kicked in it was overwhelming. I felt scared and a little out of it so I laid down. I was overwhelmed when I tried to open my eyes, so I spent a lot of the trip laying down with my eyes closed with pillows and blankets covering me. My trip sitter played meditative music.

I tried asking questions and seeing how to heal myself. Lots of times the thoughts were fleeting and my mind kept going in different directions. Sometimes I'd hang onto something insightful and want to write it down, but mostly I'd let my mind go where it wanted to go. I get stuck in the time period my trauma took place, and I think some of my trip resolved that by breaking down time, if that makes sense. It presented my different timelines to me differently.

Otherwise, a lot of the trip seemed similar to that vivid dreamlike state you go into every night if you're someone like me who always dreams vividly and sometimes sees my younger self in my dreams and talks to her, or has lucid dreams. I wasn't asleep for the trip, but I kept going in and out of that state. Is that typical? I was aware of sounds outside of the "dreamlike" state, like my cat meowing in real life, and I was thinking, unlike when I'm totally asleep. But the "visions" didn't seem much different than when you have vivid dreams…

Very random things came to mind, from "how you present yourself matters" to "people are weird" to urges to tell people I appreciate them and miss them, to memories of moments I hadn't thought about in forever. And when it got really intense, I told this figure I was okay with it taking me (okay with dying) because of my suffering. I also remember opening my eyes and things seemed to be moving in waves. Pretty subtly, but moving. I don't know why it felt so overwhelming - oh, and I had the worst jaw pain and neck pain. I felt like I was pushing myself into the bed hard rather than lightly laying in a bed. The pain was pretty bad. Even that night when the trip had been over for hours (I tripped early morning) I couldn't get comfortable because of the muscle tension.

I asked questions about my PTSD but I didn't really get any answers. I had love and compassion for people but not really for myself. It's been three days and I still feel like the energy's been zapped out of me. The day after my trip, my mood felt better, like more at peace? But today I feel more let down, like I should've figured things out better. I'm still "stuck" but I know nothing's going to make getting better any easier. It has to be me and what are the chances? I haven't yet. Please help…with anything.

Post Extras Print Post Remind Me! Notify Moderator
. * * Re: Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip bouopa   12/20/23 10:57 AM
. * * Re: Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip redgreenvines   12/20/23 12:39 PM
. * * Re: Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip eve69   12/24/23 01:23 PM
. * * Re: Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip bouopa   12/26/23 10:05 PM
. * * Re: Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip redgreenvines   12/28/23 07:45 AM
. * * Re: Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip loladoreen   12/27/23 07:21 AM
. * * Re: Looking for opinions and insight on my semi-"intense" trip loladoreen   12/27/23 07:38 AM


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