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Reged: 11/11/23 Posts: 12 Loc: In my head |
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Trip Report of my first ever mushroom trip on 30.11.2023. I took 1,27g of dried Mckennaii at 18:32 while alone as my first ever trip. I have never done anything other than Weed, Alcohol and Coffee. My Intentions: "A smooth trip to get to know the substance", as part of my Spiritual journey (I'm reaching the end with the only thing I must fully understand now being the meaning of patience and discipline.) TL; DR: Patience and Discipline are the only things I’m missing, so I should simply stfu and do what I wanted to do. I was initially going to write everything down chronologically, but I'm going to reformat/rewrite my notes, so they look prettier and are easier to read and understand. My thoughts are like having open 10 browser tabs at the same time and trying to read them while riding a bicycle during rain. Before the trip: Link to my first Post. Before I went for my trip, I already knew that I had learned everything I needed from Cannabis and I was aware, that while Psilocybin is a whole other substance, I'm not going to gain much insight into myself anymore. I already was aware beforehand of most of what I was going to "learn" on my mushroom trip. Weed for me, forces me to basically look twice. While the experience was amazing, taking 1,3g was almost the same as being on weed. It was like being Stoned Deluxe, due to me being able to have completely stringent and coherent thoughts. I can write and think in full sentences without interruption. My thoughts had the correct speed instead of being 10 times faster than I could speak. Unlike with Weed, I didn't forget any of my thoughts when I got distracted. My thoughts kind of just stayed there until I picked them back up, which was a first for me. (Like being able to pick different save states in an emulator). Sober, I'm usually not able to convey more than a quarter of what I'm really thinking about. Even when I know the topic very well. So: I eat the stuff, chew well. I ate it on a small slice of bread to prevent nausea (good call) Immediately after finishing the slice (10-20 seconds) I feel great and euphoric. I'm the type of person that feels everything to the max. (I would get depression if I stepped on an ant during my teenage years. Even now things like that kind of suck for me.) Everything was Fun and Interesting, I found almost everything funny. I wrote down a lot during this time. I treated it like a science experiment directly in the beginning. I wanted to first check how the shrooms worked. I just decided to write down anything that comes to mind and to not fixate on something. I wrote something like a to do list. About going to the doctor to check my lungs, heart, blood circulation to my fingers and toes. Detoxify regularly. Writing, Martial Arts, etc. works great. A journal entry a day keeps the "psychosis" away. I realize I have no real mental health issues and my psychosis is not really psychosis but just me being worked up about things I cannot change anyways. I spend time researching psychosis, schizo etc. after my trip and I apparently have 0 mental health issues other than being a lazy cunt. The things people call mental health issues are an essential part of my personality type called having a vivid imagination. Which just shows, you can't take shit people tell you too seriously, as it may only apply to them or not even at all. (I'm not saying Mental health issues don't exist, I'm just saying I don’t have any (anymore). But I guess I don't need to explain this, as this is the shroomery and not twitter. I had various interesting thoughts of which I only wrote down the relevant ones. To experience the full trip and its effects, I must fully let go and not even focus on anything. I wrote down to focus on doing this next time. This is hard for me, because I could always trigger visions, daydreams without using any psychedelics (since being a child). I usually used weed to enhance my daydreaming and watching whole self-made movies in my head. Doing an activity 3 days in a row lets it become a habit for me. All knowledge we get, especially from weed and shrooms, is multilayered. I realize my movements almost always use too much energy and force. I need to calm down my body (I'm learning how right now and you should too if you have any form of mental illness. Breathing properly is the most important part. Meditation and breathing properly are different sides of the same coin). I'm legit a JoJo Character. It felt like I speed-ran the trip after 10 minutes or so, so I started to relax a bit and listening to music. I was listening to music for the most part. Visuals: I'm barely getting any visuals because I'm focusing on them instead of letting go and letting my mind wander. (I set my intentions like this in hindsight) I saw 30% of a Rainbow coming from my window towards a cupboard, but it was around 21;00. (have a curtain with the same colors on the window but I only made that connection while writing my report a few days later. When I stopped focusing my eyes on stuff, I saw the movement of shadows and shadows disappearing softly. Also, like everything was very, very, softly vibrating. I then burp, it stops. Lmao When my mind wandered a bit around 21:24, I saw a flash of light while my eyes were closed. Being excited however, I tried to focus on the light, and it disappeared. I started vibing and moving left and right like a plant in the wind and saw Part of a Plant before I snapped out of it (I tried to focus on it again, bruh) Later I see a Guy kind of riding a Bullet (like a horse). Guy looked like a Toy-Soldier with Gnome Hat. The Bullet was spinning. Realize my houseplant might be dead. And this was the biggest worry I had the past few days, compared to the anxiety and depression that plagued me barely over a year ago. Kind of made me realize that it's good, that I was worried about that and not money, work, status, etc. Also realize, that my plant is only dying because I didn’t put in real effort. Like my own personal world will die too if I don't put in effort. Put effort into my good habits, not the bad and redundant ones. The color of the two visuals was a metallic green with barely noticable yellow/gold tint on the reflections. Now: The Rainbow showed me that there was not enough sunlight for my plant. I might have to swap places which means sacrificing one plant for the other. I realize, that's not my Style, pick option 3. I can put her in another room. I later changed said room to be able to accommodate the plant right in front of a window). (Flashback to a friend back in high school asking me the trolley problem and me saying I'll just save both people. I didn't lie Dunya!) While my plant might still die soon. I gave her a few more weeks. (It's winter and she's growing baby leaves while the older leaves are dying so I will check on plant forums) Looks like the plant problem was really eating me up from the inside without me realizing it. Somehow, I realize that everything I wrote also applies to the plant. In the future, I should just tackle my immediate problems first without worries. Patience/Discipline is the only thing I’m missing. It's fine for me to be sloppy with a lot of things and very serious with others. I should not be very serious about anything I care about. It will make it annoying for me to engage in it and reduce my performance and results. Perfection doesn’t even really exist in the human realm so you should barely worry about achieving it. This is the only way for me to overcome paralysis by choice and perfectionism. Also, I'm not stupid. I'm smarter than 99% of people, and I'm allowed to live like that, no more acting stupid just to dodge conflicts and make others feel better about themselves when they haven't even tried to help themselves. I do not have to feel bad about being super smart. (It somehow took me over 20 years to come to terms with this, due to how I was raised. I must write it down like this to make sure I stop doubting it. I'm not trying to sound like a narcissist, smart-ass or anything, I just have no other efficient way to make it stick. lmao) Every time I get a slight stomachache, I know the mushrooms are going for another "wave” of effects. 21:46 I felt very tired. 10 seconds later, stomachache, 10 seconds later, full of energy. It really comes in waves. Nausea kind of sucks. I Realize, as soon as you channel the shroom energy (writing, thinking) the nausea leaves immediately. I just need to channel it into something. From a Weebs Perspective: The Shroom Poison is the exact same thing they talk about in Manga and Webtoons etc. I can feel energy. I can channel or circulate my internal energy to either get rid of the poison or absorb it. It also must be excreted somehow since I'm currently not able to absorb all of it. (Breathing Properly, Correct posture (J spine, not S to allow for true energy flow) I can feel most of the shroom going to waste due to how bad my breathing is. As I feel like I'm coming down from the trip after 3 hours, I decide that it should be fine to think a bit deeper about myself and existence. (I decided against smoking weed at this time) It turns out I was being very disrespectful to myself the past 10 years and also to weed for which I would like to apologize. I managed to make my Anxiety and Depression my little bitches over the past year. They barely try to get in my way anymore. Shoutout to the Goddess of Cannabis, she's the real MVP and I would likely be dead without her as she helped me out a lot. I thought for a long time that I became a fuck up because of weed, but I didn't. God is like a Game Developer (Bethesda). Creates the best game(s), full of bugs, but leaves the bugs inside of the game intentionally to let specific gamers have fun fixing it. Life is like a game and we are the modders and players I don't judge people because I hate it, but I love to sort things and rate them (Books, Characters, other Media). Like a scientist rating a specimen. Unlike what I thought, I do like drama and attention to a certain extent. Start using photographic memory again. Mine is based on other people's emotions I felt. This is also why I struggled to use it in the past (Many are negative emotions). I can just make good new memories from now on ![]() Btw, I believe that every single person has a photographic memory but barely any of us use it actively/ realize that we have it. Some things written her go against each other and may even appear hypocritical, but they make sense for my specific situation. Also, I can do whatever the hell I want. Next trip: 3g or 2g lemon Tek --------------------
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redgreenvines | 12/09/23 06:28 AM |
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Jeman | 12/14/23 05:03 AM |
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FIERY-Wchz | 12/12/23 05:08 PM |
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FIERY-Wchz | 12/12/23 05:08 PM |
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FIERY-Wchz | 12/12/23 05:08 PM |
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FIERY-Wchz | 12/12/23 05:08 PM |
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