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Apologetic noob Reged: 06/01/22 Posts: 160 |
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I’ve been taking small doses throughout 2023. After a breakthrough trip in Nov 2022, I haven’t really felt the need or mustered the guts to take more. Just small doses to enhance my meditation every other month or so. Recently, each time I would do it, my neck would get tender, and I’d feel pain and soreness whether I was lying down or not. Which is really strange because it doesn’t hurt on a daily basis. Normally, I either have pain in my mid to upper back, or a headache. I’ve been dealing with debilitating headaches and migraines my whole life. So, the first time I tried my pans was last August. That time, I felt the neck pain even more, and went to lie down. As my head was resting, I was compelled to focus on the muscles in my neck that were facing the pillow. And then, under a heavy influence of the mushroom, started noticing how tense those muscles are, even while resting. As I followed my breath, they coerced me into releasing that tension within those neck muscles. I used each exhale to loosen them up, little by little. This was over the course of probably ten to fifteen minutes, that’s how long it felt for them to relax completely. When the trip ended, I didn’t give it a whole lot of thought until last Monday when I tripped again. Now keep in mind, I’ve had more headaches this year than any other. It’s been horrible and on my mind every single day. I’ve been trying everything, literally everything to make them stop. My trip started on just 1.2g of natalensis, I was outside meditating in my backyard. As usual my neck started to hurt, and since there was nowhere to lie down, I started to massage it myself while listening to music. I can’t say anything significant happened other than it feeling really good, almost as if someone else was doing it. It did, however, feel like the start of something. After that I had my usual snack (granny smith apple with a few pretzels) and went inside for a real meditation, which is always done in the complete darkness of my blacked out bedroom. After 45 minutes of shuffling through difficult periods of my life, my back couldn’t take it anymore so I moved to the bed, absolutely cocooned in my comforter and three layers of clothing. Lying on my left side, I reached up and started massaging my right trapezius muscle. In doing so, all the traumatic periods of my life chained together and showed me how the first one led to the next, and so on and so on. My problems are not because of any specific experience! I’ve been leaning into this idea a little more with each successive trip. Within each stressful event, I was allowing that tension to build and build and build. Year after year. Storing it in my shoulders, which I suddenly realized are clenched during almost every waking hour. (I’ve certainly noticed this, but not made the effort to stop or even worry about it.) All the overanalyzing, all the over-thinking, excessive worry and catastrophizing; this area of my body is the collection site, where it’s been storing mental garbage for as long as I can remember. And is it any wonder the vast majority of my back issues started in 2011, right after I broke up with Alex? By far the most stressful period of my life? So as I massaged deeper and deeper this realization became clearer and clearer. Much like wiping the fog from a steamy mirror. But this was much more beautiful, like floating in the clouds I was staring at before I went inside. As the clouds moved out and the message became crystal clear. With each massaging motion, I realized all of my baggage was/is stored in my neck and shoulders. Exacerbated to no end by bodybuilding, sportbikes and poor posture. Upon fully realizing this information, I got off the bed, shed my comforter and went outside. It was a warm and beautiful day. The low hanging November sun casting its rays in a beautiful sideways sort of fashion. All I could say was “WOW!”and “WHOA!” Over and over. Laughing out loud. I felt like a three year old going outside for the first time. It made so much sense. There's so many knots and so much shit crunching around there that I haven't even bothered to fix it. Usually a masseuse will give up after five to ten minutes and one even told me to see a professional, but I never did. A few hours later I consulted Youtube to figure out how to fix these sorts of neck and shoulder problems. And of course, like so many times before (including my introduction to mushrooms) I flooded myself with valuable information thanks to the internet. For the following week I focused on keeping my shoulders relaxed (which was far easier than I would have thought) and I’ve been working the knots out with heat and a trigger point cane along with other self-massaging tools. Progress has been incredibly fast and effective despite my skepticism. My shoulders even look different, my traps are now contoured differently. Having gotten way too excited over something like this in the past, only to have it fall apart, I know this is different. Pain is pain. My back feels ten times better and I haven’t had any headaches, I track them weekly. Usually I’m up to 4 to 5 plus a migraine by this time, but I’ve had no pain this week. Both recent mushroom doses were also relatively low, but in my experience the message is all the same. It just gets louder the more you take, more in your face. An experienced and dedicated meditator can learn what they need to with very little psilocybin. What I’m also finding is that mushroom therapy is like any other kind of therapy. One session builds into the next. Amazing. And maybe I’m stupid for not seeing the problem on my own, but I don’t really care. Sometimes you have to be shown what’s right in front of you.
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loladoreen | 11/21/23 07:23 AM |
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Soloist | 11/21/23 05:10 PM |
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redgreenvines | 11/22/23 06:37 AM |
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