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Stranger Reged: 10/18/20 Posts: 315 |
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I get anxiety now after a bereavement last year and taking shrooms-I know you're not supposed to take them in a bad state of mind but I didn't see myself ever feeling better so I took a medium dose (20-30 libs) a couple times around 3 months after the loss. I didn't really enjoy the trips-had some fractals but nothing "magical" or even interesting, so that added to the depression of being on them expecting something amazing to happen and sod all did! I also freaked out a a bit at one point because I felt vaguely nauseous and hot so my brain naturally went "you're gonna end up calling an ambulance"-I guess fear of losing control is a BIG issue of mine, and that's where the anxiety stems from. It's funny because I've never had a lot of pain to deal with, or even been in hospital (I've been really lucky so far) so I have no reason to believe I will end up horribly unwell or go crazy in my everyday life. But since then I can panic at the slightest thing-if I get heartburn I think I'll end up having to call an ambulance. It's like any slight deviance from my bassline makes me panic that I'm going to end up in pain or go crazy...so my idea was to take shrooms and get used to a "different" state of being so I don't panic so much the rest of the time. But I don't know if it's the shrooms that caused this anxiety and existential dread in the first place or not...I can't really pinpoint when it happened exactly but sometime in the last year I guess. I just don't want to fuck up my fragile mental state even worse, plus there's psychosis in the family...although I've never lost contact with reality myself, I'm just worried it'll lead to that eventually if I freak myself out enough. It's getting towards that time of year again and I don't know whether to risk it or not. It's just that atm it feels like life is a trip I can't handle...
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