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Bodhi Reged: 08/16/16 Posts: 26657 Loc: The Primordial Mind |
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I lucked out big time once and was able to experientially reconcile with one of my late grandfather's while on a hefty dosage of mushrooms all by my lonesome and bent out of shape in a handful of ways at the time. Was it really his spirit visiting my from beyond the grave? Does it even really make a difference to me? No. I knew full well, but the saying 'let sleeping dogs lie' takes on new meaning when you're a psychonaut, at the same time, don't let the poor things get run over while napping either, dig? So, I went with it. Like an impossibly perfect dream giving the heart:mind what it needs, rather than just what it wants/craves - In my case, in his particular instance - so as to release what was harmful to myself that I'd been clutching onto for near a year at the time wrt his & my relationship while he was still alive. The clutching, it hurting me, despite that nothing remained to be clutched as he was gone...long gone from my grasp in the usual manner. Anyways, long story not short - how it played out is for myself alone to know, but it was so wholesome and good it was damn near ungodly! Might could even say it went down smoother than butter. Simply by me not living as a completely miserable ass hat cunt on the rag forever and ever - things were cleared up, the were always clear, I just wasn't sure if they really were or not, despite whatever it may or may not actually be - nowadays being alive for the time being is a bit of a genetic shortcut of sorts to any of my near and dear fam - I wouldn't be alive without them, that, plus the whole psychedelic mushroom spirit grandpa experience was almost like something straight out of a coming of age fiction novel - only greater in every way imaginable. Too bad I can't write for shite, haaa. real or not, z' ol' brain didn't seem to mind releasing all associated sorrows and regrets over his passing. just like when dreaming, the efx of a nightmare will play out to some degree in varying intensity to that of non-dreaming life, same thing applies to the opposite of a nightmare. i tend to tend towards the middle these days in my private life for the most part, jsyk. so i only share this to emphasize heart:mind, and the deep link between the experience of body:mind:environment, with or without psychedelic substances and or whatever else. anywho - whatever it was - fyi - not that it matters all too much, but, i think of it a bit like a dream, an illusory creation or fabrication of mind made apparent to the point of it being like a waking dream bleeding over from ordinarily usually happening only in one's sleep or other more somewhat rare cases, right smack into where one is when one's awake & tripping and the world's as if anew again ie. 'coming to life' + 'coming to one's senses, there's a connection, for me at least. This trip in particular likely had it coming due primarily to the mushrooms, dosage, myse(lf)t:setting, &, some seeds having taken root from years ago by man, a touch of well directed & determined effort + an open heart and attentive mind all acted together with the dreamtish yet awake experience for the better (today's nearly 10+ yrs since then). It came from 'me' and in some ways it did leave me. Not in that everything was just magically suddenly good all of sudden because i'd eaten mushrooms. That helps sometimes, sure, emphasis on stomtimes. Moreover, that it was the way I was able to fully and satisfactorily say my goodbyes despite no one else actually being there with me, and doing so in a manner I believed befitting of my grandfather, in turn, the mushroom love spread out of control and left me a little more empty than usual hen the magic-like efx of the heavy illusoriness of it all finally wore off, allowing what felt like an entire new head's worth more room to emerge & for some much needed changes wrt how I was going about my life at the time being rather risky with my lifestyle in general on most fronts . despite that, again, i think it was likely primarily luck, timing, dosage/set, and a few other things which by happenstance plating out in a way so that things which were like roadblocks beforehand, became like like passing through mirages of roadblocks, if that makes sense? Anywho, that all took efx and spun up into such a fulfilling creative play of psychedelic webbing with which to tie up some loose ends with, and, ending in about as fulfilling perfect a way as is possible, imho. Outside of dreams and trips, considering how much of the ordinary shared world of things goes on from day to day, and the weight of not knowing how or even if some karmic price was to be paid late and finding out there wasn't is truly priceless. Plus, I don't nowadays dare say anything close to that of psychedelics being silver bullets or cures for ails, there was much involved and surrounding the aforementioned experience which likely aided me in some ways. Anyways, despite there being good times, bad times, you know we've all had our share - yada, yada - (respectfully) the experience which capped things off as of a finale ending, is not indicative of most of my experience with psychedelics - although, that's not to say I personally don't find it of value anymore, rather that things change as time goes on and we grow old as the pines grow tall and the clouds idle, before finally cycling all over again anew, albeit a touch different from each time before. ...thank goodness for it. He's long passed. Dust to dust, foamy bubbles amidst a bubbling brook and lightning flashes as an old dream comes to an end, and all that jazz - meanwhile, a new one begins daily, if not from moment to moment - thought to thought, grown from what's leftover of the old, and, so long as memory holds, there's a faint glimmering shine almost like gold, aside from being one with everything as he was always already was before dying, I like to think he's gone, gone beyond - beyond, beyond - gone - but not forgotten, not yet anyways! : ![]() Becoming a buddha, takes but 1 thought. ![]() Becoming a devil, takes but 1 thought. ![]() ![]() ![]() Nit.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Nit.