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OfflineJeman

Registered: 11/11/23
Posts: 12
Loc: In my head
Last seen: 6 days, 22 hours
Solo 2.5g Lemon Tek McKennaii + Weed (2nd ever trip)
    #28582452 - 12/14/23 10:29 AM (1 month, 14 days ago)

Hey everyone, great day.
I just had my 2nd ever Shroom trip yesterday.

I went for 2.5g Lemon Tek (15 minutes) of crushed McKennaii which I drank in addition to eating a slice of Pizza.

Intentions: Having Fun while experiencing (beautiful) visuals.
Spoilers: I did

At first it was pretty chill, not much happened and it felt like the dose was too low, it felt even softer than my first trip on 1.3g. I laid down in bed, forgot to put on music but it was ok as I wanted to focus on meditation and letting my mind wander. I closed my eyes in hope of getting some visuals. I didn't have almost anything at first past my VSS but then started to see a few dots and slight merging of shades. The dots where at times blue, then purple, then I tried to play around with it and could even force them to become different colors.
This was when I started to realize that I'm going to have a lot of fun today.
I felt intrigued, opened my eyes as the things I was seeing weren't really special, at least at the moment. I look around my room and could finally see a few moving shapes. It started with me looking at the wall towards a piece of checkerboarded paper I had taped to it with some notes. The pattern from the paper kept radiating towards the wall like an aura. It was cool.
I then looked towards my colorful curtains and saw how they were slightly warping around. At this point I realize, Nice, it's going great. I was however kind of disappointed that there was not more. I get on my PC, decide to play a bit of games. I play some OSU and Apex but got bored of each in like 10 minutes so I decided to chill again. I realize it's probably not going to get deeper than this after tripping for two hours. So I decide to smoke a mini Joint. (I had not smoked in at least 10 days so I knew my Tolerance should be almost 0 and prepared a 3 puff blunt of strong haze.
I take the first puff, not much happened. I felt what I usually feel when I smoke which is synesthesia. The colors pop out a bit more and merge a bit more in the surrounding in addition to my thoughts and body mirroring whatever I'm witnessing and the music I listen to. I then take two more hits as I was already feeling good from what I just took and HOLY SHIT it was amazing.

It was like nothing I saw before, I had complete euphoria for two hours and didn’t even realize how much I needed that. The Visuals were amazing. I could feel everything unlike ever before. Colors, Patterns, everything dancing to the rhythm of my feelings, my heart and love. Everything was connected to everything. I started to write some things but decide to stop as while the visuals where amazing, there really isn't any inner work for me to do anymore other than to externally apply everything I have learned over the years.

After a while I switch rooms to go to the toilet, and get scarred for a second when I see the weird looking plushie my grandma left in my apartment. Instead of freaking out I once again realize the fear is nothing new, take the plushie, and put it next to my PC, so that I can see it most of the time. The plushie kind of gives you a menacing side-eye so it was like overcoming a small fear that made no sense in the first place. I sit down instead of finally going to pee and start thinking a bit about my life and the experience I'm currently having. I put on music and my headphones. I then decide to check my closed eye visuals and meditate again, here I start seeing geometry and faces, patterns and so on.
However, I also realize that these patterns and etc. are not much different from what I regularly see when I smoke weed. I get a flashback to my first ego death after smoking weed and realize that I can (most likely) not have another bad trip again because I already accepted everything about myself and love to explore new concepts and ideas nowadays. My second ego death was about getting awareness about how I perceive myself, it was my second awakening after a "near" death experience with ego death I had when I was very young.
As I become slightly conceited on these thoughts and feel like nothing can kill me, I decide to dance a bit as everything was so great. I decide to record myself dancing and take some photos of things I find beautiful right now. As I open the camera, I switch to video and see myself because the camera was still on selfie mode. The videos was slightly delayed and it felt like the world delayed itself for a moment there. I basically got a small jump-scare of existential dread* as I wanted to explicitly not look at myself while high. This however did not face me for more than one second. I keep having fun and look at the phone again and play around a bit with it. I then realize that I love existential dread and realize the only reason I had two bad trips (on weed) was not because I couldn't accept the new concepts and ideas that I encountered back then, but was because I didn't want to accept the evil in the world as part of it. I tried to refuse it while it became apparent now that good and evil are part of the same coin. I could finally embrace all of it (again). I realize at this point that once again, all I'm doing right now is inner work which I do not need at all.
The term nothing new under the sun pops up. High me decides to use this term every time I run into questions and ideas that I already have answered in the past. I think about existence again and catch myself using the term a lot for the remaining two hours I was tripping.
I realize I still have to pee and move to the bathroom. As I leave my room that’s filled with RGB Lights into my living room I see how bland everything looks without color. I realize, this is how stuff has to look for people on depression. How it used to look for me too before I beat it about a year ago.
I move further to the bathroom and pee. My bathroom is gray and looks quite sad to someone on drugs. I think about how shitty it is, have existential dread again.

I'd like to note that I do not mind existential dread and negative thoughts at all. As I have written in my first trip report, It kind of became my friend and helper now. It was kind of refreshing seeing my triste bathroom now that I think back on it, compared to be in my feel good place in my room with bright colours and good music. I love the drama as much as I love having sweet dreams and nightmares which are just dreams to me. I do not distinguish between the two at all anymore. I learned the power of setting intentions some time ago and love how well it works on almost all areas of life. I also become aware of how important set and setting are when taking shrooms.

I then go back to my room, put on my headphones again and simply vibe for some time. I realize that compared to taking only shrooms, shrooms + weed allowed me to enjoy everything to the fullest this time. I realize that while I love this moment, I eventually have to return to sober me. Otherwise life would be too boring with 100% of the beauty I can witness while being high. High me does not want to be high 100% of the time. Sober me agrees.  While I loved the feeling I also realize the drawback from mixing weed and shrooms is that my thoughts are not as linear as with only shrooms. I ground myself with breathing to counteract this. It helps but it's still not the same. I don't mind however. 2.5g Lemon TEK with Weed was perfect for me so far.


I also decide to preferably only smoke weed from now on when my tolerance is low. Otherwise I can't really enjoy it the way I want it to. I'm also aware that I do not need weed and shrooms at all. I swear of alcohol and nicotine again. More existential dread, following looking at more patterns.
It sure is fun.
I then once again realize that I'm doing inner-work and decide to play video games. I chose Apex to murder some people. I don't think I had this much fun while gaming in a long time. My Gaming performance was of the charts when I focused. I literally could Lazer' people like those twitch streamers do. Breathing + Weed + Shrooms is like the Holy trinity for ADHDs like me. I realize however, that while it was ok for me to play video games this time, I should in the future definitely not use it for that exclusively to not disrespect it. Disrespecting the substances is also disrespecting myself which is one of the few things I do not want to do anymore. So gaming after doing required inner work was fine.
I also realize how I love hypocrisy and it's what makes us humans special.
Also: Munchies lmao.
I kind of fucked myself over on food because I ate junk food while high and could feel it the rest of the day until I ate something this morning. I also slept from 23:00 till 2:00 where I woke up dehydrated like the shrooms I ate earlier. Couldn't sleep until I fixed the dry ass body problem and then slept until almost 10:00 the next day. I really needed that.

I could go on with what else I experienced on this trip that lasted from 13:15 until 17:45 but this is enough writing for now. I'll report back when I trip again next week. I also have a few questions for advanced psychonauts but I will be asking those another time.


*Note: Existential Dread for me is not the true origin of the word (anymore) It's more like being a cosmic/mystic wanderer.
You know, the mystic swims where the psychotic drowns kind of thing, but I'm a psychotic that loves the mystic. I kind of realized that I won't drown, no matter how deep the waters get as I can simply breathe underwater. I just had to realize this which was why I had a psychotic break back then in the first place? Like the meme of a parent yelling at their child until they get the stupid math problem but I was the father, the child and the math problem. The psychedelics are the mother in the background encouraging me to focus, yelling, you can do it!

Thinking back on it, my psychothic break was like downloading a shitload of information during a software update. Sure, it stressed the CPU, RAM and Drive a lot but at the end of the day, it was needed for overall better performance.

4g Lemon TEK next. I'm excited.


--------------------
Sometimes, you gotta say: "It is what it is" and call it a day.


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