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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Anonymous #1

well, theres that
    #9885917 - 02/28/09 07:32 PM (12 years, 4 days ago)

So,

She cheated on me, and she lied about it.

It hurt me more than I show.

I cant seem to get over it

I don't trust her.

And that hurts me even more

I keep hoping that i can somehow get over it,

But the harsh reality is that she is just another person in a long line of people that I can not trust.


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InvisibleUnbearable_B
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9887017 - 02/28/09 11:16 PM (12 years, 4 days ago)

Iknow how you feel brother.  It gets better with time...




drugs help too


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OfflineDarkLikePoe
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Unbearable_B]
    #9887304 - 03/01/09 12:18 AM (12 years, 4 days ago)

better to find out then not at all. its for the best man, got to move on as much as it sucks.

sorry to hear about that.


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Invisiblelukeboots
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9887543 - 03/01/09 01:04 AM (12 years, 4 days ago)

I'm waiting for everyone else I know to come to the realization that they can't trust anything. But they stick to ideals.


/Satan


--------------------

funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9888168 - 03/01/09 03:52 AM (12 years, 4 days ago)

I don't know what your situation is, but I hope you are not considering taking back a cheater.  Not because cheaters are bad people, but because whatever thought pattern made them cheat is probably still there.  Taking back cheaters is bad for the self esteem.  Be single.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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InvisibleMufungo
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Re: well, theres that *DELETED* [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9888300 - 03/01/09 04:55 AM (12 years, 4 days ago)

Post deleted by Mufungo

Reason for deletion: ...



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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Mufungo]
    #9888934 - 03/01/09 10:45 AM (12 years, 4 days ago)

Quote:

Mufungo said:


For me, 'trust' is closely linked to my expectations. I trust people to be consistent with past behaviours. If I don't know what the person's past behaviour has been, then I trust that they are capable of doing what humans have been known to do. I also trust that people have the capacity to change if there is initiative for them to change. In the same way I trust people to remain the same while there is initiative for them to do so.

On another note. Upsetting times, like what you have experienced, can really show what is important to ourselves, what it is that is truly valued. It might be useful for you to be guided by any strong feelings you might be having and write down what is really important to you. What is important to you in your relationships? What is important to you in your friendships? What is important to you in your interactions with other people generally? Stay true to those important things and use them as a rock to support you, and as a guide for you to do the right thing. Stay true to yourself. Tell anyone who tries to contradict what is important to you to go fuck off.

All the best and I hope you begin to feel better soon.




:thumbup:

Great post mufungo


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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OfflineGrok
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9917073 - 03/05/09 04:15 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I've been there man, I understand exactly how much it sucks. It took me a lot of time to really get over it; in fact I more got on with it than really over it. I am still with this girl too, it's been about a year.5 since this went down. While I'm at more or less at peace with everything now, if I could go back in time I would have dropped her ass on the spot and never said another word to her. That shit fucked up my head for over a year, and it still pisses me off if I start thinking about it.

Obviously I live a contradiction here, and it's by no means ideal. I highly suggest getting away from this girl. They're really not worth the trouble and like a previous poster noted, the likelihood of this happening again is strong. I actually don't think this is a concern for my situation, because my girlfriend absolutely avoids "vulnerable situations" aka too much alcohol with the wrong people. She was willing to address these issues within herself and I believe she has, or I wouldn't even consider prolonging our relationship. There was actually some good that came out of everything though: I have lots of leverage in our relationship because of this, and we both know more about who we are and what we want. But I sure as fuck wouldn't do it over; it was a huge mistake and I'd probably respect myself more if I had bailed. Should have never even dated her in the first place really, yet here I am almost 4 years later. Something about taking our own advice?

A buddy of mine has a great saying. "If women weren't beautiful or necessary for procreation, we'd hunt em." 

The previous replies were excellent, BTW.


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Grok]
    #9925850 - 03/07/09 12:12 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

haha
Quote:

Grok said:
A buddy of mine has a great saying. "If women weren't beautiful or necessary for procreation, we'd hunt em." 





hahahahaha


--------------------




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OfflinePowerTrip
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9926126 - 03/07/09 01:22 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

It is vitally important that you decide right now whether or not you can trust her.  I don't know her, how conscientious she is, or how strong your bond is with her.  Like Whisky Clone said though, the thought patterns are likely still there and very possibly will surface again.

I made the mistake of getting into a relationship with a girl who I didn't really trust from the start.  I didn't care at first because I took it as a casual relationship.  Things escalated though and we became close, but for the same reasons (her past) I was still unable to trust her.  I was in a relationship but whenever I wasn't with her I was a wreck.  It was constantly floating around in the back of my mind that she could have repeated her past behavior and hurt me.

Ultimately we broke up for other reasons, but I learned a very valuable lesson.  When you see red flags, or you just get the feeling that you can't trust someone, don't put yourself out there to get hurt.

I don't think there's a "one" out there we are destined to meet.  I think the reality is that you have to date a lot and over time, one by one, you learn who is wrong for you.  Once you have this experience, you will really know when you are with the right girl.  For me, I know that I will have found that girl when I know her true character and the trust is just there.


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life


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Anonymous #1

Re: well, theres that [Re: PowerTrip]
    #9936257 - 03/08/09 11:29 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I was in a relationship but whenever I wasn't with her I was a wreck.  It was constantly floating around in the back of my mind that she could have repeated her past behavior and hurt me.




yeah i have this........
it bugs me. she is supposed to be going 'home to see her parents' during spring break,  over the next few days... i asked her why she didn't go during the weekend when they both were not working... she said that she didn't know, and that she didn't think about it....

probably because she wasn't actually thinking about seeing her parents.


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OfflinePowerTrip
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9939215 - 03/09/09 02:01 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
yeah i have this........
it bugs me. she is supposed to be going 'home to see her parents' during spring break,  over the next few days... i asked her why she didn't go during the weekend when they both were not working... she said that she didn't know, and that she didn't think about it....

probably because she wasn't actually thinking about seeing her parents.




Letting someone go is the most difficult thing I've encountered in my life.  It's so funny.  Even though I know that girl isn't the one for me I still think about her and have this desire to see her and be with her.  Even knowing that it would only cause me pain.

It's pretty obvious that the relationship is causing you some undue stress.

This video that explains how our brain works when we care for someone really put it in perspective for me.  It helped me to realize that what I was feeling was completely normal and that I simply needed to find the strength and willpower to move on.

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: well, theres that [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9939359 - 03/09/09 02:31 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
So,

She cheated on me, and she lied about it.

It hurt me more than I show.

I cant seem to get over it

I don't trust her.

And that hurts me even more

I keep hoping that i can somehow get over it,

But the harsh reality is that she is just another person in a long line of people that I can not trust.





All humans are weak and have failings. You don't need to trust her completely, that doesn't mean you can't accept her for who she is (another human being that is learning and growing) and love her as a friend. Because if you can't then you never loved her at all IMO. She just was something you thought needed to make your trip work. But life never "works". Life just is. :heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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