Imagine you're sitting on the most beautiful beach ever.......but something’s off.......it's such gorgeous scenery, such an amazing smell and feel to the air........but something is off.....
There's a man.....in the distance.......with a guitar.......surrounded by pure evil.....
This wretched man brings forth nothing but vile vibes. With every note he strums your body cringes. He's so very far away......yet no matter how hard you try to drown him out, he's still making every inch of your existence seem vile and awful.......you can't even remember being happy just because of this man.......
People come to the beach to witness it's beauty.....and without hearing two words of what the man has to say in the distance, part ways out of sheer discomfort.......
Such a pity......a man so insignificant.....can ruin such good scenery..........
His stay is almost un"bear"able, and no matter how short,...... forever. After a long lasting piece of atrocious discomfort, the man slowly makes his way off the gorgeous beach.......Without his evil drowning out your senses; you can once again make unity with existence.
Upon reconnecting with the glory of the world....you are so relieved to have the man gone......the feeling of sheer euphoria creeps out in the form of serotonin in your brain, and you connect with all around you on the fact this man is gone.......and realize to yourself that ANYONE would feel the same deep down.......and then come to realize that you, and everyone, had all just connected on the EVIL presence of the man in the first place.............
So new years eve starts slightly rocky for me. Heading over to Shawn’s house to dose, and appreciate the universe for what it is, in hysterical fashion. We get there ( Me, my girlfriend Tanya, and good friend Dave ) and greet Shawn and his roommates ( frank, and Zappa ) and their friend BRAD. BRAD, frank, and Zappa all seem to be heavily intoxicated when we arrive, and on the belligerent side of things, which makes me slightly apprehensive, only due to the fact I decided to quit drinking recently.
I get there at roughly 10:30 and it was decided if our friend Carl hadn’t arrived by 11:30 we were dosing without him. Carl called at about 11:20, we instructed him to partake at 11:30 ( which apparently he’d be pulling in the driveway right around that time ) and we’d all do the same.
Tee Minus Dose Thirty
I eat a rather large chunk I have of two lesbians making love amidst a million other trip metaphors upon my blotter. I knew I was in for it when I shivered in convulsion fashion the second it hit my tongue.
In 5 minutes I’m feeling residual effects.
In 20 minutes I’m starting to get somewhat uncomfortable.
I’m being hit with a ton of bricks………mentally…….
Imagine your minds been riding a horse……all the sudden you hit a branch……..SMACK!....your ass hits the ground……..where the fucks the horse……….
Feeling so floored and unaware of my surroundings ( one of the first times in this house ) on top of being crammed on a very tiny couch, whilst watching 3 extremely drunk guys be…….three extremely drunk guys…….just kinda rocked me into an uncomfortable place……
I sit amidst the chaos in my brain…..and the drunkenness in front of me ( which in retrospect wasn’t very bad at all, I was just completely spun ), and think “ Man I’m going to have a rough time….but I’m only freaking out if I freak out”….so I just sat in this unfamiliar awkward state of confusion.
Zappa And I had agreed on switching back and forth between bands throughout the evening, both of us having quite an extensive taste in music.
MIDNIGHT
Zappa puts in a song he was waiting to hear. A poetry style hip hop song, seemed fit for new years eve, with a lot of energy behind it. BRAD is dancing around the room like a drunk fool, looking rather…..drunk…..and everyone is sitting around coming up very very hard and fast ( at least I am ).
After listening to this track it’s my turn for some music, I put in some trip hop ( cLOUDDEAD ) which doesn’t settle all that great for me and change it like 4 songs into the CD. I switched the album with Fire on Fire, which Shawn didn’t seem to care for all too much, and his stereo was on the shittier side of things for the time being ( this being the first time I heard the cd ), so I took it out to listen to later on my own accord.
Mind you the whole time, faces are strictly eyeballs. I’m moving from the corner where there’s just a plant and I, or the couch cramped between my girlfriend and close friend in quite uncomfortable fashion ( she’s asleep, deciding not to dose ), everything I sit on I become one with, and my dog is running around like a crack baby sheep on meth.
This is when things definitely got uncomfortable for me.
It was Zappa's turn for some new music. I kinda felt like a failure on not delivering the goods for tunes like I normally do, and Zappa threw in some live tunes……
Now I have nothing against live music. But I hate it. It gives me such a nostalgic feeling, so lonesome almost. It makes me wish I was at the show, and it also helps me remember how much time goes on, and we can never relive the great things we’ve done. Every time I hear it I’m always finding myself reminiscing about good times once had….instead of enjoying the time I have.
So I sit crammed on this couch, amidst the drunken live bluegrass, and start to get to the point I can’t comprehend much.
I close my eyes to the brightest fractals everywhere, connecting at the corners, and the corners blooming into new fractals. Behind my vision I can see my entity in separate torsos everywhere ( probably about 200 torso forms of me ) in different positions through time and space……I can’t really explain this part to anyone too well, it all happened in rather fast; chaotic fashion, whilst on the couch. I honestly can’t even recall the time throughout the night when this weird vision behind visuals took place, but it was intense to say the least.
The bluegrass goes on, and Zappa puts some other random stuff on and we listen to that, I’m not really caring for anything that got put on ( not that I did any better ), and I can’t really think of anything to put on to please everyone in the room. It seems there’s a ton of different tastes in the room.
So I make the decision to put on the weirdest……most vile……most beautiful……most disgusting…….most tasteful……treacherous…….extremely safe……….album I can think of…….
It is time. For: The Vim Vigor Of Alvarius B And Cerberus Shoal.
Now I’ve only heard this cd once ( usually I like putting cd’s on I’ve never heard before, that way upon tripping, my friends and I all connect to the cd on the same level at the same time. I get so much more out of an album hearing it with people the first time). But I knew this cd had power to it, so I put it on ( only one other person in the room had heard it before, that being Dave ).
Now this cd is VILE to start out with. I don’t want to go into details as to how vile BECAUSE EVERYONE ON THE SHROOMERY NEEDS TO HEAR THIS CD.
The first 5 songs are just uncomfortable, treacherous, evil, and wrong. BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THESE SONGS TO GET TO THE POINT OF THE CD.
The point being DING.
Now while listening to this first 22 minutes of uncomfortable grungy garbage, Shawn inquires several times “ this better be worth it man, this is awful “….I promise “ hang in there man, it’s beautiful”
Everyone seems put off by this cd. The guitar isn’t on key, the lyrics are wicked, the mood it puts off is…..negative…..evil……………….oh my god……
Shawns friend, Zack comes over. Completely sober might I add. And sits down in a pitch black room with 9 people people spun off their asses, listening to a song about a girl being raped.
The only thing you can tell is WE ARE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE. This sucks, I can’t wait for Alvarius B to stop his rendition of Ding, and let cerb take over with sheer beauty and glory. I keep letting everyone know there is something worth waiting for, as does Dave.
Zack leaves just as fast as he got there, with bad vibes I’m sure. The music was distasteful, and we were all in a slightly uncomfortable, non social state.
As soon as he leaves, the three drunk guys head out of the room as well. I honestly thought everyone dipped before the cd got to it’s glory. I thought I had wasted everyones 20 minutes ( which felt like a lifetime of agony ) and they weren’t going to get the pay off. I was wrong.
They come back in the room right at the end of the 5th song. The song ends with a milkshake being finished…..which mind you is one of the most annoying sounds in the world IMO. SLURRRRRPPPPPPPP.
As soon as the typewriter starts playing I feel a trillion pounds come of my shoulders. I felt the feeling you get in the back of your head…..the serotonin drip that feels O so good on any drug….or any love…..or your favorite song…..But it was different this time…..
This time it came OUT OF ME. It slipped out the back of my head through my ears. It connected to everyone in the rooms emotions. It connected not only to their LOVE….but to their FEAR….it connected to every thing that was great….and everything that was not…..on all good points of the world and all bad. It occurred to me then that is life…..we connect with everyone, and everything, EVERYDAY, all day long, on either a positive or negative way.
The second this all started coming back to me, and I started being able to focus on whats around me again, I look at Dave…..he instantly gets a shiver so hard up his back he almost falls off the couch. This blows my mind because I’m being so overwhelmed, and it’s just flowing in constant cycles through my brain, and it’s not just happening in my head……..
Ding is 18 minutes long. And that 18 minutes I learned more about myself and life then I EVER have before. It completely changed my outlook on everything, I was in tears periodically because I realized how ignorant and thick headed I’d been in my life. I realized that I connected with people on bad weather more then good weather ( more “ fuck its snowing outside “ then “ god it’s a beautiful day” ) I realized we all connect on the fucking NEWS more then anything. Anyone can be on the same page about a little girl dying……who the hell wouldn’t hate that? But for some reason when something is great in life, we are too proud to connect on it, to stuck in our ego’s to embrace life in all its fullest when its pleasant to do so, yet it’s so easy to connect on tragedy.
Since birth we have been changed in either a positive or a negative way. We have been taught to either love, or hate, and that’s how we connect with other people……and that is WHY we are here is to connect with other people, to impact peoples lives, and make yourself who you are truly meant to be. Fate pushes you in the direction you choose for yourself. So you either smile, or frown, and that’s the direction you go in.
All this info that just clicked in my brain, made so many things in my life click. I realized why me and my mom were rocky, why I hadn’t gone to school, why I hated working, why I couldn’t make relationships work, why anyone thought lowly of me. It made everything in my life make sense, EVERYTHING. I can’t go back and change what I did, but I can try to make amends, and live life out of positivity and courage, instead of negativity and fear.
This was right at the peak of the night. After all these amazing discoveries, I started coming down a lot and it was a lot easier to deal with everyone. I came to the realization that no one was being anymore ridiculous then they should have been, and I was just spun out of control and really glad I maintained myself. The next four hours was strictly hanging out and talking about life in general, a lot more happened as far as the night goes, but I really just wrote this to focus on the meaning of life I now have.
You can connect with three people making fun of one person and be hysterically laughing the whole time……go home….and feel bad…..that laughter doesn’t last. Or you can be with the same three people and tell that person how awesome they are…..you’ll only smile……but you’ll keep that smile later on when you think about it.
Negative energy goes away just as fast as it came, and leaves things for the worse.
Positive energy takes more effort to give, but sticks around for eternity.
That’s what will weigh your existence when you die.
If you only exert positive energy, you will have so much love pouring out of the back of your head, you’ll be in a wonderful place ( it sticks around for eternity, and enough will keep you going in the infinite light ) . If you have nothing but negative energy it will disappear so fast that when you die you have nothing to reflect on. When you look at the good times you had, you’ll look at all the people who were not having a good time because of you, and realize you could’ve made everyone happy instead of just yourself.
I have a different outlook on EVERYTHING now. Drugs…..family…..friends…..animals……I could go on for hours, and days, and weeks………ha ha……I actually have been……it took me two weeks to finish this damn thing………
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I love hearing about trips,. And as specially your comment that LSD has changed your life. I am an Avid Acid-Head although supply has been next to nil for many years now. It's nice to live where I do because I can order Iboga rootBark Strips to my house. Nice stuff, but to the LSD, it's a child of it's own.
I had a dream last night which enspired a strange story...
Want to seee??
This is what I derived.,.
Native Man Story
The Native man tells his story,
To the people, all the words are the same, but the story is different for everyone.
For some, it will lead them to their death, for some, it will lead them into love, for some it will lead them to Food,
For one it will lead him to the Creator,
When he was born, it is who he would become, Now, it is who he is, and when, is when the story begins.
This somehow came out of a dream where some others, ( Chicks and myself, took a powerfull hallucinogen,. When it Kicked in the others reported feeling scared out of their minds. Myself, I couldn't have felt more safe nor calm.. ({You may see where the derivitiva comes from).. It was a great dream. I love dreaming.
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