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Anonymous #1
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 Struggling with Persona 
#9613717 - 01/15/09 10:28 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I seem to have a problem with personal identity. Most of the time I feel very undefined and when somebody asks me to describe something about myself, I suddenly freeze and am unable to come up with anything. I know that the nature of reality is obscure and inherently transitory, but our conceptual world, and what makes up society is not. I find it difficult to integrate myself in the context of human life and relationships and that makes me a very aloof and reserved person in other peoples' eyes.
I wish to acquire a self-esteem in my identity, and feel established, and develop my personality. One day I'll commit to it and the next day I happen to lose all hope again. I don't know how to be consistent about this.
Does anyone know where I am coming from? Any suggestions as to what I can change about my belief system and how I view myself in relation to society?
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 deCypher
Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
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 Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9613854 - 01/15/09 11:06 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Why do you need to change yourself to suit others?
Work on being happy for you. Self confidence and approval from your peers will follow.
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
  
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 MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9613915 - 01/15/09 11:18 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Well, keep in mind that it takes lots of time to develop a personality, that is, a consistent one, so don't get discouraged by the fact that you oscillate between being dedicated to creating a personality, to losing any hope. If anything, I would consider myself lucky that I didn't get so fixated on a personality until later on in life, because now you get the opportunity to create yourself as a person in a more conscious way, since you already have all that personal experience from which you can learn and filter every choice about the future you, through a stronger reason.
Also I would advice you to do some reading in the field of cognitive behavioral psychology, as I am sure you will find lots of meaningful insights regarding developing a healthy personality and attaining happiness through your own means. 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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PDU
travel kid vs.amerika
Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: MushroomTrip] 1
#9619340 - 01/16/09 05:01 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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To the original poster - You described exactly how i feel, but i've never really realized it.
I have a "strong" personality and am outgoing in many respects but never-the-less very reserved and generally an antisocial "outlier"
Sometimes i wish to change, to just be normal, to tell jokes-drink-beer-fuck-girls-from-the-bar-read-maxim-and-play-video-games. But nope, thats not me.
There's alot of social pressures which set unreasonable expectations for us to measure up to.
I do not fit within a society like most people. I care only slightly about this.
I am quite comfortable with who i am + value people who are unique over those who are similar.
I've got no advice aside from "Find a niche in society by being yourself."
Its alot easier when your older too. Are you young, OP?
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GO OUTSIDE.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: PDU]
#9619494 - 01/16/09 06:42 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm 22. I've lived my life up to now in two different countries, oftentimes moving from one home to another on average of about every three years. I think this contributes greatly to the feeling of being very undefined. I always had adjust myself in the past to adapt to new beginnings, moving with the parents to a new home, on the other side of town, attend different schools, make new friends.. All throughout 1st through eventually 12th grade I moved six times, one move being to another country.. Looking back at that now it would come to no surprise that I am now feeling so "transitory"..
I think that this does actually give my personality strength as that it makes me a very adaptable person and has allowed me to live in european as well as american culture and master a foreign language. But the flipside to it is that I become worried when things begin to settle and I become comfortable living in one place. It's like my mind is warning me to not commit too much because soon I will be leaving it all anyway.
This is some programming I would like to recode. Because now I'm out of the parents nest, living in a nice apartment with a beautiful lady and I wouldn't want it any other way. But I can't be feeling like I shouldn't commit to establishing my persona here because for reasons of my past I always had to prepare to leave and start everything anew.
I feel it's time for me to realize a lot of things.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: PDU]
#9619500 - 01/16/09 06:44 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
I've got no advice aside from "Find a niche in society by being yourself."
IF that's what would make him happy. 
But from the sounds of it, he really wants to change, and I think that advising him to basically stay the same and find people who accept him like that, is not the best advice.
Changing into the person who wants to be can bring him lots of positive changes in his life, not only regarding the social status, but also self confidence, happiness, diversity, new opportunities opening up. Change is good, especially when it's made by one's will. 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: PDU]
#9619694 - 01/16/09 08:02 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
PDU said:
Sometimes i wish to change, to just be normal, to tell jokes-drink-beer-fuck-girls-from-the-bar-read-maxim-and-play-video-games. But nope, thats not me.
If that is normal, shoot me now.
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Chronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9621262 - 01/16/09 01:22 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I seem to have a problem with personal identity. Most of the time I feel very undefined and when somebody asks me to describe something about myself, I suddenly freeze and am unable to come up with anything. I know that the nature of reality is obscure and inherently transitory, but our conceptual world, and what makes up society is not. I find it difficult to integrate myself in the context of human life and relationships and that makes me a very aloof and reserved person in other peoples' eyes.
What about if you gave up the need to have any self definition at all?
What has no definition is infinite & that infinite power shining through human form is the highest achievement you can attain in this body, so if you can, be happy that you have no self definition!!! Beings work for lifetimes to rid themselves of the bondage of identification, so its really a blessing.
It can seem depressing & at times even terrifying because our sense of self no longer has anything to stand on or cling to, nothing to lean against, but if the walls of identification have been knocked down then you can truly be supportless & let go, a 'persona' no matter how well developed can not do this
When someone asks me how was your day?
I sometimes have nothing to say because words can't describe it, anything i say will just be a lie
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: Chronic7]
#9621565 - 01/16/09 02:33 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Having a personality doesn't have to make one become attached to it, nor take from the feeling of freedom, vastness and diversity. It doesn't have to stop one from being aware that there's so much more to life than who they are and what they know.
Also, having a notion of the self and being able to determine who you are and how you change helps one in practical terms, you know, like driving a car or crossing the street. 
If you have no notion of who you are, then you very easily end up in a situation where you're driving a car and then you crash the fucking wall because you have no clue on how to operate it.
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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PDU
travel kid vs.amerika
Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9624823 - 01/17/09 02:57 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I wish to acquire a self-esteem in my identity, and feel established, and develop my personality. One day I'll commit to it and the next day I happen to lose all hope again. I don't know how to be consistent about this.
Does anyone know where I am coming from? Any suggestions as to what I can change about my belief system and how I view myself in relation to society?
1st off. MushroomTrip is right, i should have acknowledged your post, rather than relating as i did.
OP - what qualities do you see in people who have self confidence in their identities? How do you see yourself, when you think about how you "should" be?
Are you a student, a labourer, an athelete, an intellect, a black/white/muslim/jew?/etc. - do you see yourself in categories like that, or do you feel "outside".. or "just some guy"..
Do you want to be seen as smart? successful? happy? - are you none of these things? Do people view you not-as-you-are?
Surely you must be an individual.
What do you mean when you talk about "commiting to it" and then losing hope?
Is there a problem with your belief system, or do you just want to feel comfortable settling down?
To relate - i also moved ALOT my whole life, and still do. I would not feel comfortable settling down.
2nd thoughts: i think people generally affirm their personalities through interactions with the society around them. How is your social life? Work life?
I've found it a tremendous self esteem boost to focus on the similarities between me and other people + forcing myself to meet people unlike myself + relate with them.
Anyways, sorry if this seems... intrusive or irrelevant.
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GO OUTSIDE.
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lillFish
Daydreamer
Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Recliner 
Last seen: 2 months, 25 days
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: PDU]
#9637007 - 01/19/09 09:19 AM (15 years, 2 months ago) |
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Anon,
There is a book called "Honoring The Self" by Nathaniel Branden, I can't explain to you everything he says in the book, but I just read it and I believe that If you read it, you will find the answers you are looking for. I just started on another of his called "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem". He is a psychotherapist/life coach, who is very knowledgeable in the area of Self-Esteem Issues. I can say that reading the first book has changed my life. Good Luck.
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My Wish & Trade list
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dancewithshiva
Psychonaut
Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 88
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 5 months, 10 days
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9647469 - 01/20/09 06:04 PM (15 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sometimes i wish to change, to just be normal, to tell jokes-drink-beer-fuck-girls-from-the-bar-read-maxim-and-play-video-games. But nope, thats not me.
There's alot of social pressures which set unreasonable expectations for us to measure up to.
I do not fit within a society like most people. I care only slightly about this.
I am quite comfortable with who i am + value people who are unique over those who are similar.
yea i can relate
this has always helped me
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"for even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you" - kahlil gibran
"all this will end and begin again" - ween
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9648597 - 01/20/09 08:43 PM (15 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I wish to acquire a self-esteem in my identity, and feel established, and develop my personality. One day I'll commit to it and the next day I happen to lose all hope again. I don't know how to be consistent about this.
Maybe this is unrelated, but I always hated the question "So, what have you been up to?" My parents and old friends would always ask that. I always gave them some vague answer, but in my head I would protest, "None of your fucking business! how dare you even ask?" Then one day I realized I hated the question because I didn't have a good answer. And that's because I spent my time doing nothing interesting at all (watching TV, surfing the web, reading magazines, smoking weed.)
So I started doing skill-based things (working out, learning languages, making music), just trying new things, and I liked some of them, and got better at some of them. It seemed to give me a sense of identity that I felt I was missing. From those activities came goals and plans for the rest of my life. Self-esteem finally arrived.
How do you spend your time?
Quote:
Any suggestions as to what I can change about my belief system and how I view myself in relation to society?
I would read about the ego. Eckhart Tolle is a great start.
BTW there isn't really a normal, and if there is, normal isn't good. Normal means there is nothing notable about that person. Find some interests and dive into them.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Fruitboot
Stranger
Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 417
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: Struggling with Persona [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#9649744 - 01/20/09 11:48 PM (15 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
WhiskeyClone said:
Maybe this is unrelated, but I always hated the question "So, what have you been up to?" My parents and old friends would always ask that. Then one day I realized I hated the question because I didn't have a good answer. And that's because I spent my time doing nothing interesting at all.
Now my desktop background.
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