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OrgasmicBanana
aka "PICO"


Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 450
Last seen: 7 years, 11 months
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hallucinations and panic attacks after taking mdma
#9633492 - 01/18/09 06:09 PM (15 years, 1 month ago) |
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hello.. im nervous about starting a topic and i hope i put it in the right place. i know this is long but i just trail off sometimes. this is basically what happened:
sometime this last sep i took some mdma, a low dose, probably 80mg. it was fine and i had a great time except for about 30 seconds 2 hours into it. i started hallucinating, which i wasn't expecting. the crease in my arm, on the other side of my elbow, had a shadow cast on it. when i looked at it my arm "melted" and a hole appeared, and my arm sort of floated slowly away from my arm like lava in a lava lamp. it scared me so bad at the time i wanted to scream, but i looked back a minute later and my arm was fine so i went on.
then in my college art class we were drawing from a live model and the teacher said he would line them all up from best to worst so we could all see how everyone did. i got very nervous about this and i wasnt doing a good drawing so i went to the bathroom, sat down looked at my arms and they started melting. it wasnt an actual visual hallucination, but it was so close, it was very real. i felt a panicky and i ran out. i wanted to cut my arms off, they felt like the arms of a corpse had been sewn onto my arm, or even alien's arms had been sewn on. after a minute or so they even seemed still alive, like they had their own thoughts, anyway the point is they were not "my" arms at all. i couldnt touch anything with them or even look at them or let them touch any part of my body. it was so strong i could think of nothing else. i was convinced in a few hours i would be in a psych ward. but it passed in about ten minutes. my friend calmed me down and what not and he told me i had a panic attack, so thats what i call it. so this has happened 4 or 5 times since then, just as strong, and all i can do is sit in a corner and try not to scream. i feel like i have gone completely insane but my friend keeps telling me its all in the mind and everything, i understand that it is, and i can feel that it is significant to me, something to do with my self image imo. the thing is, its started to happen less severely, more frequently. for example, today i was riding my bike with my friend (something we do often) and when we stopped i felt shaky and tired and lightheaded. we went to a store and i became depersonalized. i looked at my hands and they seemed like the hands of a dummy and somehow much more thick than usual. my friend grabbed my hands which made it so much worse. i looked around and everything was different and weird and when i looked at his face, i looked into his eyes and my perception was that one of them started moving up and the other moved down until each was an inch or two away from their original position. i'm sorry if i am describing something common but it is so bizarre to me, in all the literature i have read about anxiety and panic attacks i have never heard of anyone experiencing something like this. i read something similar to the feelings i had attached to my body during one of these "episodes" in a book about clinical oddities, but it had to do with someone who had injured their leg.
so i just wanted to know if this sounds familiar to anyone, or if anyone knows, you know, anything about it. i'm not blaming the ecstasy or anything, and it had a really amazing affect on my life overall, especially my self image, so i wouldnt trade it, ill take the bad with the good. its just so bizarre it worries me when i see people's bodies morph in front of my eyes.
Edited by organicbanana (01/19/09 09:15 AM)
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Nova

Registered: 10/16/02
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Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Re: hallucinations and panic attacks after taking mdma [Re: OrgasmicBanana]
#9635828 - 01/19/09 01:16 AM (15 years, 1 month ago) |
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It might be a body schema agnosia. This may sound weird but can you recognize/distinguish between the fingers on your hands? Do your hands or arms feel like lumps of clay attached to your body but not 'yours'?
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whattheheck
Chief Love Lover



Registered: 06/01/07
Posts: 7,380
Loc: Denver Colorado
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Re: hallucinations and panic attacks after taking mdma [Re: OrgasmicBanana]
#9635862 - 01/19/09 01:23 AM (15 years, 1 month ago) |
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Go back and break that up into paragraphs so that we'll be able to read it better, & I imagine you'll get a few more responses.
-------------------- A society whose whole idea is to eliminate suffering and bring it's members the greatest amount of comfort and pleasure is doomed to be destroyed -Thomas Merton
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
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Loc: red panda village
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Re: hallucinations and panic attacks after taking mdma [Re: OrgasmicBanana]
#9635893 - 01/19/09 01:30 AM (15 years, 1 month ago) |
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It sounds like anxiety attack to me. I don't know what you read about it, and what you found to be similar in that "clinical oddities" book, but I'd get it out of my mind, because this is definitely not odd at all. It's normal for your mind to repeat the same experience for you, especially since it impressed you to such a degree. It even seems that you are aware of that, and that you sort of realized what the real problem could be: that it's something related to your self image.
It's up to you to decide, but since you said that taking MDMA has helped you regarding your self confidence issues, then maybe you should try taking again, every once in a while. Of course, you'd have to be aware of the fact that you might experience similar hallucinations, and then decide if you want to go through all that again or not. Personally I don't think it's such a big deal, and hallucinating on MDMA, even if it's rare, it can happen. The mental state you're into at the moment can make the whole thing feel even more psychedelic.
I remember of a handful of times tripping on acid or mushrooms, and had similar experiences regarding my arms, where it just felt that they were alive on their own, and sort of "claiming for independence", but when you're tripping with your mind in so many ways, it doesn't look like such a big deal. Did you ever trip on an actual psychedelic? Maybe, one of the reasons why you feel so awkward about it is because you're not so used to hallucinating, so every little hallucination can have a greater impact on you.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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OrgasmicBanana
aka "PICO"


Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 450
Last seen: 7 years, 11 months
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Re: hallucinations and panic attacks after taking mdma [Re: MushroomTrip]
#9637423 - 01/19/09 11:03 AM (15 years, 1 month ago) |
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i have used salvia 6 or so times, and mescaline, so i have seen hallucinations, it feels almost like a fear i have that affects my life was surfaced in a curious way. but now its really hard to deal with and i'm not really sure how i should deal with it.
yeah i can tell my fingers apart they just seem eight inches long. i dont think agnosia could be caused by using drugs =/ hope not.
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hdo3hc

Registered: 01/25/07
Posts: 156
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: hallucinations and panic attacks after taking mdma [Re: OrgasmicBanana]
#9638312 - 01/19/09 01:40 PM (15 years, 1 month ago) |
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i hallucinate loads about 4-5hrs in to mid->heavy mdma binges. I proper believe the hallucinations for those few seconds, then forget where I am and what I'm doing. It's a little worrying, heh. Never hallucinated afterwards though. I suppose all you can do is calm yourself down. Breathing exercises work well. It will probably go away eventually.
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