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Invisibleknumb
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D.E.A. bust G.O.D.
    #9583933 - 01/10/09 05:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i wrote this. i hope you all like it
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D.E.A. bust G.O.D.
In what is being called the biggest drug bust in history, officials from the Drug Enforcement Agency have issued a press release stating they have successfully arrested God.  God (aka the Creator, Jehovah, Yahweh, the Big Man Upstairs etc)  was arrested Tuesday and charged with the manufacture and distribution of greater than 100 tons of marijuana as well as a large quantity of psychedelic (magic) mushrooms.  When pressed for specific numbers on just how much marijuana was involved, DEA spokesman Dick Kopp said “Well, really all of it.” 

The press release credits good old fashioned police work for the bust.  “A DEA agent was driving by a field and noticed a marijuana plant growing.  After months of rigorous surveillance the officer was able to determine there was a 'highly sophisticated lighting and watering system' being used to grow the plant.  Additional investigation turned up a day planner containing detailed records of God actually admitting to creating the plant, lighting and watering systems.”

When reached for comment a dazed looking God stated “Man you just don't get it. It's like time and the universe are the same thing.  You can't put me in jail. I'm already in jail. I'm everywhere.”         

While this will obviously be a major blow to trafficking operations, authorities suspect that God's son Jesús will take over the family business.  “We don't have any specific intelligence linking Jesús to these crimes at this moment,” Kopp said “but he certainly fits the profile.” 

Unfortunately this could also be an opportunity for rival south of the border gangs to gain access to the American market.  One gang leader known only as “El Diablo” was quoted on Thursday saying “Marijuana? I thought all the cool kids were smoking meth.”   

Regardless of the outcome, the Drug Enforcement Agency is pleased with the way this operation was handled.  “It's a miracle that no one was hurt taking down such a high profile target.  We are glad to have another dangerous criminal and more deadly drugs off the streets.  This is really about the children.”

k


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: D.E.A. bust G.O.D. [Re: knumb]
    #9583954 - 01/10/09 05:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

:rofl:

That's awesome man. You should get that published on the Onion.


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InvisibleAlec_Baldwin
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Re: D.E.A. bust G.O.D. [Re: Shroomism]
    #9583958 - 01/10/09 05:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I was just about to say that a fuckin Onion article if I ever read one. Nice man.


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Invisibleknumb
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Re: D.E.A. bust G.O.D. [Re: Shroomism]
    #9583978 - 01/10/09 05:29 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

thanks. i wanted to submit it to the onion but they dont take submissions.


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Offlinepsilyguy
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Re: D.E.A. bust G.O.D. [Re: knumb]
    #9584017 - 01/10/09 05:34 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

:thumbup: great story hahaha:rofl:


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: D.E.A. bust G.O.D. [Re: knumb]
    #9584033 - 01/10/09 05:36 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

this isnt gods first arrest either... he's into some serious shit

http://www.tampabays10.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=83178&catid=58


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Invisibleknumb
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Re: D.E.A. bust G.O.D. [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9586594 - 01/11/09 12:54 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
this isnt gods first arrest either... he's into some serious shit

http://www.tampabays10.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=83178&catid=58




:awesome: who knew god was such a bad ass. 
i'm glad you all enjoyed this.  i had fun writing it. 
k


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OfflineThe shroomy 1S
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Re: D.E.A. bust G.O.D. [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9586639 - 01/11/09 01:01 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
this isnt gods first arrest either... he's into some serious shit

http://www.tampabays10.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=83178&catid=58





Wow!... God is African American.... My friend was right all along.  :hulk:

The shroomy 1


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