I posted this in the trip reports area, but I wanted to see what people in this forum thought. It's a bit long, but I think of lot of you will be able to connect with it.
I?ve shroomed about 15-20 times now. I like a variety of settings for shrooming- nature, with your significant other, with a group of friends, hanging out in an apartment. I am pretty fond of quiet, calm trips, just hanging out in your place, talking, and listening to music. For my last several trips, which have been either by myself or with 1 or 2 friends, I seem to be able to find an inner calm, a state of being in which I am completely content with things. Actually, I?m not really content about any thing, I just am content. No judgment of anything, no judgment of myself. I would like to try to convey the subjective experience of this inner calm that I have felt so deeply (last night in particular), a calm that I want to incorporate into my default way of experiencing reality somehow.
As every trip for me usually starts (especially if it has been a while since my last trip), it is kind of disorienting. I am trying to understand what is happening through the way I usually understand reality, and it doesn?t quite work. Slowly, I ease into the experience a little more and I learn to let go. For me, the meaning behind the idea of "let go" has a profoundness beyond words. Like other ideas, it is something you can think about intellectually, you can think, ?yeah, I guess that makes sense, you have to let go somehow.? But to "feel" it and then act on it is completely different- To just tell your body, your self, to let go. Of what? Don?t think about it too hard, just take a deep breath, and let go. Let go...
And so I get into a "just being" mindset after I have let go- I just experience. I normally analyze the world pretty heavily. I am constantly thinking about this and that, why something happened, try to understand how something works, what will happen in the future. I?m sure we all do this to some extent- To meet the goals we set for ourselves, it is useful to think, to plan, to learn from the past. But while you are shrooming, you have a unique aid to help you let all of that go, to just experience what ever is in front of you, who ever you are with. It is something we do not let ourselves do enough, a way of experiencing that many of us have forgotten. I think this mindset can be incorporated into your normal reality, and, I would go so far to say, should be to really know a deep, profound happiness in your life. Just let go...
When you achieve this mindset, it is critical not to forget it. If you do, nothing in your life will change- and we all want to change something about our life and ourselves, right? You will fall back into the same old ruts that you normally do. Most of us, I think, normally experience life on a sort of automatic pilot. We react to certain people and situations in certain way, we automatically think, feel and behave in a kind of pre-programmed way. But if you make an effort to maintain this ?open-mind? perspective, you will have a great tool to get you out of these ruts and experience true happiness. It is an active effort, and this cannot be stressed enough. After shrooming, you could just wake up the next morning and continue to go about you day as if nothing happened. But if you want to really change things, you can?t forget this "Big Mind" (D.T. Suzuki) perspective. It?s actually easier to forget it, to just take the path of least resistance, and I?ve done this so much. But not anymore, not now.
This "open mind" perspective can be useful for, first, being aware when you are not happy. It is surprising how I can go about my day and not even be aware of the fact that I?m not feeling well, or am irritated at something. But it is so important to first be able to know when you are not feeling well. When you note that you are not, take a deep breath, and let it go. You don?t have to think about it too hard necessarily, you don?t have to replay what happened in your mind, and use some theory of human behavior to understand what happened- just note your discomfort, take a deep breath, and let it go. Over time, I feel, this will come automatically.
Wake up...right now. Let go, open your mind, really become aware. No more droning through life. When you really feel this and allow it to change your life, you will know what I am talking about, not that I have done with it all that I can yet. I definitely have a lot of work to do. But I?m not going to work too hard, in fact I?m not going to work at all- I?m just going to let it all go. And probably have a few deep laughs on the way.
-------------------- Concepts which have been proved to be useful in ordering things easily acquire such an authority over us that we forget their human origins and accept them as invariable.- Albert Einstein
Edited by buttonion (10/13/02 11:57 AM)
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