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Registered: 11/09/01
Posts: 230
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My life has no meaning
    #956193 - 10/13/02 03:17 AM (18 years, 11 months ago)

Hey all, I don't know if this is the right forum for my rant.

I am in my final year old high school; my grades and attendance have been tapering off steadily for the past few years.  I am not feeling school, I want to drop out but that would be foolish and I am so close.  Things have gotten so bad though that I am flunking my classes and facing expulsion.
My life has no meaning, I have no reason to wake up in the morning, nothing to look forward too.
My family has given me an ultimatum to either go to school or get a full time job and support myself.  They feel that if I drop out I will not go back and am sacrificing my life.
I haven't felt the zeal of doing anything that I loved in a long time.  The thing that ticks me off is that I have so many goals and such potential.  I am not the kind of person to end up as a gas attendant.
Shit doesn't happen unless you make it happen.  For the last 4 years I have raked my mind about careers, my future, and my family, myself... I can't fucking take it anymore all of this thought and advice gets me no where.
I wish I was an addict or in some way really fucked up so that I could correct myself and use that to fuel my motivation and passion for life.
Achieving requires dedication.  I have an extremely hard time sticking to things, my attention span is very sparse.  If I don't find an answer that will make me want to succeed it is all wasted time.  I am at the time of my life where it really matters, if I fuck this up it will only get harder and harder. 

I'm sure there are people on this forum like me... what was your answer?  What the fuck is wrong?  As my parents say... time to shit or get off the pot. :frown:

Edited by ShroomNewb (10/13/02 03:47 AM)

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Registered: 06/21/02
Posts: 506
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Re: My life has no meaning [Re: ShroomNewb]
    #956210 - 10/13/02 03:28 AM (18 years, 11 months ago)

First off....YOUR LIFE HAS MEANING. I can't and won't sit here and judge your life and situation. I will say however, that whatever you're feeling, it is never an excuse to lay down. Motivation may be hard to come by for you but unfortanately you have to muster it up somehow. This is life. I really wish you the best but as Nike says.....Just Do It.

An open mind is the greatest journey of all.

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ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
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Registered: 11/24/01
Posts: 10,211
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Re: My life has no meaning [Re: ShroomNewb]
    #956229 - 10/13/02 03:42 AM (18 years, 11 months ago)

I am in a similar situation at the moment.... A good question to ask yourself regarding your future is : "What do I enjoy doing?" and then "Could I possibly make a living at it?"

I'm pretty damn clueless as to my future... I don't think I'll go to college... at the most a minimum of community college. It's just that my heart is not into it, like you said. My ideals are unrealistic to most people, but I hope to somehow find a place where I can appreciate nature and get more in tune with myself and my surroundings... it's very hard to do this in urban environments. :frown: Around my house, all the trees have been cut down and replaced with cement.

I have been toying with the idea of joining some kind of commune, or even forming my own if the resources come to me. I don't like modern society, so I think I'll make my own... Money would be banned within the commune. Trading only, baby.  :grin: 

:heartpump: { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } } :heartpump:

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Re: My life has no meaning [Re: ShroomNewb]
    #956235 - 10/13/02 03:46 AM (18 years, 11 months ago)

Greetings friend. I find that your thoughts are in common with my thoughts of the past and present. I too, lacked motivation. HA, i still do. Though i get up from bed everyday and go to school (last year of High School), then go to work right after school. My day is  filled with tedius chores. What is there to work towards? I make just enough money to support myself...rent, insurance, food. I made shitty grades my first two years of high school. I tried to amend it last year, and did well. Though it all seems worthless. I could try and go to college somehow, and thats what i'll probably end up doing. Going to college, picking out the job that i will do for the rest of my life.

The one thing i do look foward to everyday is the attainment of knowledge and enlightenment. I can actually feel my heart growing. My ever-growing heart. I use my knowledge to  infect people at my school. I can honestly say ive had some positive effects with my insane ramblings to people. They recognized something i said, and took it to heart. It's the greatest feeling when you see that glare in someones eyes, when you said something extremely heartful, yet crazy, and they understood it. I have made a plan for myself, though. In 5 - 10 years, if i am still working at a "shitty" job, then i am going to sell all my worldly posessions and move to scottland to be a sheep farmer, or something. Scottland is a  damn beautiful land. The population and pollution is less. I can't stand the city, too congested for me. I wouldnt mind starting some type of commune in the Appalachians though, that would be neat. A community of peoples who think alike with you. No more ego-controlled bodies pushing you down. A community of unconditional love. Sounds like a dream, doesnt it :wink:  We'll its my dream, and possibly others too.
"Your fantasies are unlikely, yet beautiful"

By the way, i dont know where i was going with this. I hope it helped in some way.    :crazy: 

T h e r e  a r e  n o  o r d i n a r y  m o m e n t s.

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Re: My life has no meaning [Re: thePatient]
    #956259 - 10/13/02 04:03 AM (18 years, 11 months ago)

Ahh, the hippy lifestyle.  Sounds so perfect, yet I have doubts about it actually working. :frown:  Most communes are really small and quite pathetic.

My grandparents own some 300 acres in a really nice valley in BC.  I plan on spending a few months helping out on the farm, eating good food, and being around neat people.  It is just an escape though.  I need to find myself a similar niche in the world, although for the same property today one would need to spend upwards of 3/4 of a million dollars. :frown:
The average hippy pay won't cut it.

I had a plan of buying a van and traveling around Canada for a few years.. living like a puaper yet really experiencing life.  It has been overshadowed as of late by graduationg troubles, and future career troubles.  Working at day to day jobs may work for a few years, but it's not something I want to end up doing when I am 50.

Looking towards the future is what's truely unsettling, I hate the unknown.  Deep down I know everything will be alright.  I'll tell you on thing though, the way I'm living my life sure isn't helping my future.

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Re: My life has no meaning [Re: ShroomNewb]
    #956301 - 10/13/02 04:28 AM (18 years, 11 months ago)

Two things seem evident to me.

1. You are wise enough to know that the choices you make at this time in your life will have long lasting consequences. As when a bullet is fired from a gun when the trajectory is off a little at the beginning you end up way off the mark.

2. You might have some mild form of depression caused by something that is not readily apparent.

You need to muddle through somehow. Mucking it up at this time will make matters far worse later on.

Good Luck,

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