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Drewwyann
Slayer of ticks
Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 4,077
Loc: Atlantis
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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I don't feel emotions anymore
#9469258 - 12/20/08 08:35 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't blame psychedelics, it is me. However, they have affected me in a manner that made me kind of find emotions more or less useless. It's very strange.
I still feel them to an extent, but they are much more quelled, and more bland. Sometimes even mixed together.
I've always been a happy person, I've had some bad life situations, but my joyous nature has never drifted far for more than a a few weeks. I tend to shake things off of me fairly easily.
A lot of it has to do with a girl I used to date getting into some bad shit, which sort of numbed my emotions because I had to in order to cope with what was happening.
Nonetheless, I have decided that I need to stop tripping for a good long while. At least 6 months, if not a full year. Psychedelics have helped me so much, and have made me a happier person overall, but in doing so, have made me socially and emotionally unable to empathize with people, and unable to really want to even be around other people anymore. It's cut deep into my social life.
I used to have a lot of friends that I hung out with on a pretty regular basis, and now I have people I talk to and hang out with occasionally.
I made a pastel drawing for a class of mine. It is a bust of a man with his head bursting open, and a bunch of unrelated things jumping out of the top of his head. He is crying as well. It is meant to symbolize how I've been feeling as of late. The craziness in my head, and the happiness that I've aquired is eating away at my heart at the same time. I need some discontentment back in my life to be honest.
There is a certain amount of discontent in a person's life that leads them to do things. It creates ambition, and discontent with things as they are drives a person to do better.
Any comments?
Edit: I need to add a second part to this (for those of you that comment after I post this I apologize.)
There was a time when mushrooms and LSD were the most beautiful things in the world. Nothing could even come close to the bliss and incredible insight I would find through them. They lead me to enlightenment, if only at times, and I have broken down in tears from the shear horror of the world, as well as broken down in tears from the shear beauty and wonder that we are all a part of.
Mushrooms and LSD have played such a big role in my life, but there comes a point when you have learned all there is to learn from them, and it is time to let go, or to slow down. I feel like I'm definitely on the down-slope as far as usage goes. I'm going to take it once or twice a year I'm pretty sure, it has lost it's magic for me.
-------------------- Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931 Love powerfully
Edited by Drewwyann (12/20/08 08:42 PM)
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Coaster
Baʿal
Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
Loc: Deep in the Valley
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Drewwyann]
#9469281 - 12/20/08 08:40 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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this may sound cliche but i think you should take ecstasy after a good roll my happiness fucking skyrockets, and all my other emotions are also supercharged except the bad ones of course mdma is known to cure PTSD, which is kind of what you are experiencing
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Drewwyann
Slayer of ticks
Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 4,077
Loc: Atlantis
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Coaster]
#9469305 - 12/20/08 08:46 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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But does that last?
I did molly at a Lotus show about a month ago, and I felt fucking incredible for the three days after the show, but after those three days I kind of fell back to where I was.
I stocked up on molly however, because quite frankly, it is the best stuff in the fucking world.
-------------------- Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931 Love powerfully
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Coaster
Baʿal
Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
Loc: Deep in the Valley
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Drewwyann]
#9469331 - 12/20/08 08:53 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
I stocked up on molly however, because quite frankly, it is the best stuff in the fucking world.
AMEN yes the effects are long lasting if u roll and contemplate your existence then u will have permanent afterglow because u will realize the pointless bleak attitude u have been having and u will have an epiphany and change ur whole outlook on life and after that u will be invincible
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2Cents
Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 4,392
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 24 days, 18 hours
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Coaster]
#9469337 - 12/20/08 08:56 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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its makes me really mad when people cant understand that drugs are actully a good thing in moderation
-------------------- Long live the Shroomery!!!
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Coaster
Baʿal
Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
Loc: Deep in the Valley
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: 2Cents]
#9469346 - 12/20/08 08:59 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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not only are they good, they are an extremely powerful tool straight edges are essentially living without the wheel
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2Cents
Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 4,392
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 24 days, 18 hours
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Coaster]
#9469360 - 12/20/08 09:03 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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people who wont even try drugs once are stupid because no matter what drug(with a few exeptions) its not guna hut you by doing it once.
-------------------- Long live the Shroomery!!!
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DimensionX
King of Birds
Registered: 09/26/07
Posts: 5,486
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: 2Cents]
#9469381 - 12/20/08 09:10 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Almost everyone does drugs. They just don't understand that alcohol is a recreational drug. Its basically pure hypocrisy.
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Grizvok
I Yam what I Yam
Registered: 09/12/08
Posts: 1,209
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Coaster]
#9469419 - 12/20/08 09:19 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Coaster said:
Quote:
I stocked up on molly however, because quite frankly, it is the best stuff in the fucking world.
AMEN yes the effects are long lasting if u roll and contemplate your existence then u will have permanent afterglow because u will realize the pointless bleak attitude u have been having and u will have an epiphany and change ur whole outlook on life and after that u will be invincible
God damn it, that sounds like exactly what I need in my life. MOLLY WHERE ARE YOU????
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Coaster
Baʿal
Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
Loc: Deep in the Valley
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Grizvok]
#9469466 - 12/20/08 09:29 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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go hit up the rave scene bra its hard to avoid it there
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homesqueeze
Stranger
Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 667
Loc:
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Coaster]
#9469498 - 12/20/08 09:35 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Many people could definitely benefit from mdma. However, many people won't be able to because its illegal.
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gurknel
GuRkNeL
Registered: 09/19/08
Posts: 701
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: homesqueeze]
#9469502 - 12/20/08 09:36 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
homesqueeze said: Many people could definitely benefit from mdma. However, many people won't be able to because its illegal.
When has that ever stopped someone?
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homesqueeze
Stranger
Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 667
Loc:
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: gurknel]
#9469521 - 12/20/08 09:38 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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some people don't have the connections. It surely hasn't stopped me.
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Grizvok
I Yam what I Yam
Registered: 09/12/08
Posts: 1,209
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: homesqueeze]
#9469527 - 12/20/08 09:40 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
homesqueeze said: some people don't have the connections. It surely hasn't stopped me.
A lot of people don't
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Coaster
Baʿal
Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
Loc: Deep in the Valley
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Grizvok]
#9469556 - 12/20/08 09:46 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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lol they noobz newayz
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Freedom
Pigment of your imagination
Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
Last seen: 8 hours, 13 minutes
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: homesqueeze]
#9469560 - 12/20/08 09:47 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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what do you mean you find emotions useless?
do you feel like you have some ability to decide if you use emotions and you just don't have a reason to? Or is it more like you have trouble feeling things, like you're removed from everything that's going on and its meaningless?
Sometimes life is strange because things change, you might live in a different place, your connections with friends might change, you might go from something being new to something being old. It's like life is an ocean we are trying to surf. If you get on a big wave you can surf it for a long time, but when it's over it can be hard to remember how to get up on waves again.
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bryguy27007
Cosmonaut
Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 10,525
Loc:
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Freedom]
#9469588 - 12/20/08 09:54 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I need to find some MDMA. I have looked, but not hard. I bet I can find some soon if I put some effort into it.
I don't want my first roll to be completely overpowered with speedy adulterants though. Not saying those don't have a place, but I would want to experience some pure/mostly pure MDMA first. I think I'll have to take the risk with a pressie though.
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Mr Cyan
3
Registered: 09/27/08
Posts: 626
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Freedom]
#9469608 - 12/20/08 09:57 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I understand what you are saying, because I have felt the same way. However, it's a stupid, selfish feeling. YOU DO FEEL EMOTION, hence the reason you are sad (or we could say disappointed) that you are always happy. I don't understand why you act like it's a curse to not have a difficult life? Of course the darkest times can bring out some great clarity, & creativity, but that doesn't mean you must go out searching for sadness like some sort of drama queen!
I know the quarrel you are going through, & the path you must take is change. You shouldn't seek sadness, & despair. You should seek adventure, & experience; these will be the things that will bring back the magic in your spirit. I suggest a radical change, an extreme adventure, or take an unexpected chance. It is a blessing to be able to shun off such difficult times, because when you are having a hard time in life, the last thing you WANT is to be having that hard time. Go out, & break new boundaries, discover new things about the world, & about yourself, psychedelics are of no need for this. Besides, what are psychedelics, anyways? Just another experience, so go out & make your own experiences, while being happy. It is so foolish of you to have a drama queen mindset, as if you need despair in your life! What the fuck do you want? To become a paraplegic? That will give you something to cry about...
Edited by Mr Cyan (12/20/08 10:00 PM)
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SlashOZ
:D
Registered: 10/20/06
Posts: 3,557
Loc: Following the water cycle
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Drewwyann]
#9469867 - 12/20/08 10:52 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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its all about perspective. change your perspective on your emotions and you might feel them more. you said yourself that you started to see them as for or less useless. obviously they are useful because you miss them. change your perspective!!
-------------------- "Life sucks but in this really beautiful way" - Axl Rose "Life's a bitch and then you die that's why we get high cuz you never know when you're gonna go." - NAS "When people don't know what you're about they put you down and shut you out" - Black Sabbath "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" - Gandhi "Look up at me I am God, look down on me and I am evil, look at me I am you." - Charles Manson. "Don't question my reality." - Me (as far as I know)
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: I don't feel emotions anymore [Re: Drewwyann]
#9469979 - 12/20/08 11:13 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Heya - to me it sounds like you have realized that psychedelics are a tool to utilize consciousness - nothing more. This is positive. Choosing to take an extended break from usage of this tool - knowing yourself enough to know that you now need grounding and stabilization - is a positive movement within yourself.
There are ways to experience bliss and ecstasy without drugs. There are ways to have psychedelic experiences without the substance. I didn't used to believe this could be, until I experienced it this past year. I have experienced months of bliss (the only thing I can describe it as now, afterwards) through using other tools: like sobriety, yoga, exercise, clean diet. I didn't use drugs for months, just focused on bettering and improving my health and wholeness, and I really was catapulted into an extended state of happiness and bliss previously only marveled by doses of psychedelic drugs. I felt so happy and so at peace during this time that psychedelic drugs would have interfered with my equilibrium.
I totally respect needing to find your sense of equilibrium and balance again. Life is a total trip. I really recommend yoga, meditation, exercise and a clean diet for optimum energy.
Have you read Be Here Now? I believe you would find some of the info in that book useful. A lot of what you said resonated with some stuff I've read from Ram Dass.
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